In honor of Valentine’s Day I’m going to go all reverse romance here. Let’s be real. It’s a made up holiday that benefits the greeting card industry and florists. Overpriced sappy cards and jacked up flower costs. Not to mention the horribly expensive and limited VDay pre-fixe menus here in NYC that are shoved down our throats like a ball gag in 50 Shades. Oh, and that horrible book has been made into a movie that just came out in time for the holiday weekend. Suburban sex starved soccer moms are rejoicing in giddy orgasmic bliss! Seriously, if any dudes are dragged to this mess to see it with their gals they might as well wear a skirt and apply a tampon up their mangina. Rotten Tomatoes has given it a dismal approval rating of 29% while IMDB has a rating of one and a half stars. Yet, I read there are plans to already make sequels. It’s just amazing to me what garbage the American public will consume for entertainment like cattle being led to the slaughter. They are making the author a ton of money like she is in the same writing league as J.K. Rowling. It’s just not right. Then again, if this is what passes for quality erotica nowadays then have at it I guess. I’m just happy to have a great gal with me that would rather go see the new action movie The Kingsmen, then head out for drinks after at a dive bar and listen to heavy metal from the jukebox. Now THAT is romance!
Also, as a great alternative to the movie and actually very funny parody of the book if you ever have a chance to see this musical in NYC then do it – 50 Shades! The Musical. Literally, the actor who portrays Mr Gray just kills it!
http://blog.theregularguynyc.com/50-shades-the-musical-raunchy-filthy-sexy-fun-in-nyc/
Hey, I know everyone is different and some love Valentine’s Day. They clamor that goopy cringe inducing stereotype of what the meaning of the day is meant to represent. Each has their own taste when it comes to romance and what gets their rocks off in the bedroom. Do whatever works for you I say. In the spirit of creepy chubby flying angels, cavity forming conversation hearts, broken flavored condoms, and heart shaped boxes of stale chocolates I present a few images in honor of this day of love! Ahhhh romance…..
Hilarious and sarcastic!… As always a great delivery. Happy friday, Phil!. Aquileana 😀
Hey Aquileana!
Hope you had an equally good Valentine’s Day! Glad you enjoyed!
This suburban soccer mom won’t be seeing the movie and couldn’t stomach the first few pages of the first awful book. I’ve read steamier sex scenes on the side of a cereal box. And I agree 10000% with you that the author of this series is nowhere NEAR the caliber of writer that JK Rowling is.
I also love all the images. Happy VD day, Phil!
Hey Teri!
Hope you had a wonderful Valentine’s Day with images of Mike Rowe acting out scenes from 50 Shades with you.
Lol..must be the most un-romantic Valentine’s Day blog post out there. I completely agree with everything, including your diss of 50 Shades. In Denmark we use to say that Valentine’s Day is “Soooo American” *rolling of eyes*, but it’s not, it’s just commercial.
Hey Mitzie!
We all know it’s a made up Hallmark holiday. Yet, people spend a gazillion dollars on it. Just like the idiots who paid to see the movie!
Send Daryl Dixon my way! I’ll be waiting in my bubble bath as I stuff my face with pizza! Otherwise I’ll be with you and your lady.
Hey Cowboys!
At this point it looks like Daryl really needs a scrubdown. I’m sure you’ll volunteer to give him a warn soapy sponge bath. 😉
This holiday is also my Anniversary. Don’t worry we didn’t choose it because of all the love, our wedding was planned in 3 weeks and Valentine’s day just happened to be there chillin so that was easy.
I LOVE all of the memes! Damn near lost my drink on the blow job one … so true…lol!
As for 50 Shades, I didn’t read the book and have no desire to pay big ticket prices to see soft porn when my imagination is FREE.
Have a Happy Valentine’s Day to you and your lady!
Hey Lisa!
Happy Anniversary! Yeah, right, VDay was just an accident. Surrrrrre it was. 🙂
Hey, can’t go wrong with a BJ. It’s like pizza, even when bad it’s still pretty good. Hope you and yours did some VDay 50 Shading together!
Well, I’m one of the horny soccer moms who went to see 50 shades, but this you already know. I like a little nookie in my bookie, and I won’t apologize for it, but I also won’t tell you that you HAVE to see it.
As for Valentine’s Day. You know how I feel about this over marketed waste of paper and chocolate day. I’m so sick of it already, and it isn’t even here yet.
I want to see the action flick too, but that doesn’t mean that after it’s over, I won’t want to go home and have my hands tied over my head with a tie. It’s all about perspective.
Hey Mandi!
Coming from a guy who is with a gal who likes to watch real porn I don’t think we’ll be paying to see 50 Shades. She refuses to go, and tried to read the book but said it was horrible.
Glad it got your engines revving. Whatever works for people is a-ok. Nothing wrong with a good use of ties! 🙂
hahahaha too funny. I just wrote a post about this, mostly telling people to just the EFF up about this bad book/movie already. It’s basically soft soft-core porn, and how is THAT bad?? I couldn’t get through about a page that someone sent me, but I read that a LOT of women loved it and a LOT of men got laid because of it, so HIGH FIVE to the author on that. I’ll stick to regular porn, but if it gets other soccer moms or anyone else going, good on ya.
Happy VD Day, Phil!
Hey Joy!
I give credit for at least getting this over conservative and vanilla white sexual populace who only have bland boring sex to wake up a bit and be open to a little more bedroom fun! If anything, the book did that.
I did read some of it, and it’s truly bad. The movie should have been made as a comedy.
I am celebrating GALentine’s Day with two girlfriends. Movie first, then chocolate martinis. No guys or their anatomy allowed. :-p
Hey Mary!
Hope you and the gals had a fun VDay! I know you women are worse than men when it’s ladies night out!
You always find the craziest memes, Phil, I swear. And sadly, I can relate to sooooo many of these Valentine’s Day ones!!!
Hey Marcia!
Glad I offer some laughs! Don’t know if that is a good or bad thing that you relate to these. I’m sure the hubs did you right on VDay!
OMGGGgggg,
absolutely hilarious! x
Hey Kim!
It pleases me that I made you giggle! Hope your VDay was a blast, and more fun than these memes!
Hahaha … this post is just totally funny. Love the photos, especially the first one. Now, that’s a real appreciation (still laughing).
Hey Frank!
Thanks for dropping by and commenting!
Heck, that first one is the truth for many of us men. A perfect woman like that is hard to find!
Hilarious as always 🙂 I had one of the most awkward conversations with a young cashier at the grocery store on Saturday. She was all like, “What are you Valentine’s plans?” Here’s me thinking well I’m buying grocery at 6 pm and a single sushi roll is in the mix, what does it look like? She pressed. I said nothing too special. She pressed again. I said hubby wasn’t here. She asked if he was on business. I said he was in Ohio. She was about to ask another question and I interrupted and said, “Well I’m divorcing his ass, so it’s no the best Valentine’s Day, okay?” She then apologized. I told myself she’s young and will learn. At least I hope it was that kind of moment for her…
Hey Jeri!
Surprised you didn’t blast her over the head with your sushi!
In spite of your less than stellar VDay at least I hope you got some laughs here.
Well what can I say Phil. Hubby and I had our own little celebration (haw! haw!), and then we spent the rest of the day running around time and watching weird, independent movies that were the complete opposite of mush. Some would say disturbing even. And why? ‘Cos the Berlin Film Festival (Berlinale) came to town. Now that’s love!
Hey Victoria!
Oh, I bet you and hubs celebrated with the horizontal bop! 🙂
Berlin can be a strange place at times. Whatever gets you off! Happy VDay!
Hi Phil, great sets. I’m getting the idea from reading so many stories and comments over this Valentine’s Day that it is not the top favorite holiday of many, many folks. Well, since I spent last week at the hospital with Conga Line Aunt Betty, bringing her back here on Friday afternoon, yes, well I pretty much spent my waking Valentine’s Day preparing all the food to take back to Aunt Betty’s freezer- now that my friend is love. Not to be dismayed Bob surprised me with a lovely necklace nevertheless, that works. Until this time next year… it is now over, and you can safely resume a usual restaurant routine…
Hey Peggy!
Yeah, it’s either loved or hated. Sorry to hear about your Aunt, and that was very nice of you taking care of her. Your guy did the right thing, so he sounds like a keeper! Yes, until next VDay it’s back to the normal routine. 😉
This is my comment on Mandi’s blog, where I found your blog.
Hm, the movie was a flop in Europe. I guess we are used to see really good erotic movies and this was not one of them. Plus I would say, sorry, Americans are much more conservative and would consider hot something what is for an european person plain boring.
Why I watsched the movie then? Well because I am every week in a cinema – I love cinema – and all other movies I have seen already. Bad book and bad movie, for my part. And I really do love good erotic movies and good erotic literature.
Hey Ombia!
Thanks for dropping by and commenting!
Well, Europe has always been more sexually open and daring with it’s media as compared to our puritanical states over here. There are many of us though that buck that trend, so don’t think we’re all boring! 😉
Yeah, the book and movie from what most tell me is a poor example or erotica. Yet, many women here liked it. To each their own I guess.
bahahahhaa I’m 2 weeks late on seeing these but they’re still HILARIOUS!
Hey Mary!
Better late than never! Glad you got a laugh and I always appreciate the comment!
Great post, Phil – I chuckled throughout.I also share your disdain for the ’50 -shades’ nonsense. I’ve not seen the film, but I did read the first book; it was as erotic as a smelly belch. Back in December 2012 I did my own, Bryan Jones, version – you might like it.
Best wishes