They find my blog through Superhero Penis Porn?

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Now that the holiday season is behind us and we are all recovered somewhat from Christmas shopping and New Years hangovers, there is time to relax and reflect a bit. Catching up on my blogging. Once in a while I take a peek into my blog stats as I’m sitting here naked on our rich Corinthian leather couch enjoying a cup of International Coffee (peppermint mocha) and peruse the search terms by which those out there are using to find my blog. Some are the run of the mill keywords which are as expected. Then there are those that are, well, a “bit disturbing” if that is a proper way to put it. I honestly have no clue as to why these word combinations lead to my blog. I mean, I know that I can be a bit warped at times, but am I really this insane? Just taking a looksie into the past week’s stats to start off the new year here are a few choice search terms I found were used to find my blog.

Penis Superhero Porn

What. The. Hell? Is this really a thing? I do know that the porn industry mimics the Hollywood blockbusters. Yet I have never heard of specific porn that features a “superhero penis.” Does it have a mind of it’s own?

From the brilliant mind of Tony Stork comes his metallic suit with balls of fury and a superhuman codpiece that can fly and shoot money shots in the name of justice. He dons his armor and becomes Iron Cock!

Steve Ramrod is a man lost in time, yet is ready for action at a moment’s notice without using Viagra. Superhuman patriotic stamina and he wears a red, white, and blue bodysuit that shows off every bulge of his massive……Shield. Yes, he is Captain Schlong – the Morning Wood Soldier!

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Creepy Speedo Guy

Really? Is this what people think of me out there? Am I destined to become one of those Eurotrashy guys wearing a marble sack at the beach, or a hairy older dude donning a neon blue Speedo at the community pool flirting with the twenty-something girls and soccer moms with his basketball sized gut hanging out? Awww Hell No! At least I hope not. Then again, it might be a good look on me, yes? Rocking the banana hammock! Get ready ladies. Take it all in. Drink it up.

Fat Hairy Thong

This is just not right. Not only is this image worthy of eye bleach but how the heck does a fat hairy thong have anything to do with my NYC eating and drinking adventures? Even if there was that one time of blackout drinking I woke up in a strange place next to a dude wearing a fat hairy thong while a circus clown was cooking us breakfast.

Did I just say that out loud?

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Hope You Choke

Why the hate? What have I ever done to piss people off? I’m a pretty nice guy. I help old ladies across the street. Rescue kittens out of trees. I might even share my bacon if you ask nicely. Probably not with that last one, ok, I’ll give you that. If you see me choking on my bacon don’t even think about taking any after being Heimlich’ed and spitting it out. I’m still gonna eat that.

I’m a Freaking Taco Crossdresser

What on God’s green Earth is this mess? Is this what happens when you have a weekend bender in Tijuana after crossing the border and meeting up with a 6 foot 5 bodybuilder transexual who takes you out dancing at a five day rave and mainlines tequila while tattooing your butt with glass shards and printers ink then takes you out for breakfast at some roadside taco stand before dumping your tattered remains in a ditch then you crawl back to stateside where you’re picked up by the Harlem Globetrotters and driven home in the Magical Mystery Van while consuming a bag of magic mushrooms. Ruh Roh!

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Not that this has ever happened to me firsthand. Nope. Don’t think so.

My butt tattoo says otherwise…..

Should be an interesting year of blogging coming up!

36 thoughts on “They find my blog through Superhero Penis Porn?”

  1. HOLY SHIT! Just the laugh I needed after dealing with inconsiderate maintenance workers in the apartment next to mine.

    I need to check out my latest search terms. There have been a few doozies over the years. Holy hell. When I had my blog The Coffee Pot Chronicles one of them was “hot dog in coffee pot.” Umm, what the what?! Thanks to my fart post on my current blog variations of fart smeller and ass smeller pop up every so often.

    Here’s to another great year of blogging and shenanigans, Phil!
    Kim recently posted…From Picky Eater to More Adventurous EaterMy Profile

  2. If I didn’t know better, I would swear you are still hallucinating from your New Years festivities! I’m afraid to check my search terms! I’m just glad I was young and foolish in an age before cell phones and You Tube!!!

  3. Hahahahaha! I’m dying over here and couldn’t agree more with the insanity behind the search that leads people to our blogs.
    As if encountering freaks in person wasn’t enough, now they creep into the blogosphere.
    Bring it on 2015!

    Ps. The baby new year photo on the side damn near made me spit out my coffee!

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