There are so many lists out there dictating to us what New Yorkers should do and should not do. Seems as if everyone has an opinion on how we should live our lives here in the center of the universe. Yeah, I said it. The center. Yup, we have a high opinion of ourselves at times but overall we just play along with the inside joke about it. New Yorkers are supposed to be all gruff and rude, but that’s really not true. Some of us might be at times, but overall we are a good natured melting pot of people. Working hard, living life, and trying to have some fun along the way. Just keep moving and get out of our way! We are a fast paced society here, and there are some commom rules that we kind of adhere to. Some of these might be a bit nutty but it helps us get through our days. I think you need to be a New Yorker to understand fully but it’s good to know for when visiting our great city. When in Rome do as the Romans do, or some such crap like that. Welcome to New York – now get out!
I present to you my personal list of Ten Things New Yorkers Should Never Do!
1) Never eat pizza with a fork and knife. Never! Ever! What are you? A filthy animal? Use your hand, fold the slice, and shove it into your mouth. Bonus points if you burn the roof of your mouth off with the molten cheese. I think our new mayor needs a lesson in pizza eating etiquette. Man, that was embarrassing.
2) Don’t wait for the walk signal at street corners. Really, what are you waiting for? A royal escort with Tina Fey and Derek Jeter? If you see no cars coming either way then move it! No one wants to wait behind you while you stare aimlessley across the street waiting for the signal to change. We never pay attention to that thing anyway.
3) Don’t ever wear an I Love NY t-shirt. What are you a friggin’ tourist? A close second is a fanny pack. Just, no.
4) Never steal a cab when you know the person standing a few feet away was there before you trying to hail one. That is such a douche move, and I have seen people get in fights over this. Do what I do and move further ahead of them so when you steal the cab they are too far away to catch up as you pull away!
5) For the love of all things edible don’t go and eat at places like TGI Fridays, Applebees, or the Olive Garden. Maybe if you’re trapped out in the burbs, but NYC features every kind of food imaginable with terrific restaurants to choose from. Treat your taste buds!
6) Don’t ever make eye contact. We just don’t do that here when walking down the street or sitting across from someone on the subway. It’s kind of creepy. Unless you are sitting across from Donald Trump. How can you not stare at that hair?
7) Never eat nasty smelling food on the subway. Really dude, I don’t want to smell like curry all day while at work because you squeezed into my crowded subway car with your take out breakfast tray of odoriferous eats. Ever hear of a granola bar or banana?
8) Don’t ever stop for those people with clipboards on the sidewalks. Are you a masochist or glutton for punishment?
9) Don’t dare get in a pedi-cab. Walk your fat lazy ass the 10 or 20 blocks. Have some self respect people!
10) Never go to Times Square. Unless you head there for a Broadway show there is no real reason to be there. Then quickly get out. Unless you’re a tourist. Don’t be a tourist.