People Who Deserve a Throat Punch at the Magic Kingdom!

 

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As many of you following my blog probably know I was away on vacation last week. Traveled down to the “Scary Land” known as Florida. Yup, the state where most of the weird news and happenings seem to come from that populate my Facebook news feed. The territory of Cracker Barrel, Denny’s, and Waffle House. It’s like redneck nirvana down there. A place where the drivers are horrible. Where blue hairs roam the land like zombies, and Billy Bobs with big guts, mullets, and bigger belt buckles dominate the landscape. I swear a passport should be required to go into and out of Florida. This strange populace is lorded over by the man, um rat, himself – Mickey Mouse. Of course, no trip to the Orlando area would be complete without a pilgrimage to the Magic Kindom and Disney World parks! Yes, I do admit that I still love the Disney parks. I’m just a big kid, and will always be one. The rides, the characters, the food, the movies, the shows, all still enthrall me. My family has a terrific timeshare about a mile from the front gate of the parks that we have had forever, and spending time with the parental units at Disney World is always fun.

Yet, as I get a bit older I am losing patience with the things that some of the idiots from around the country, and world, seem to do when here. I think it’s time for a Disney rant! Here is a short list of things that makes me want to punch someone in the throat!

1 – Parents that can’t, or refuse, to control their spawn. Ok, I get it, kids will be kids. It’s a long day at the parks, and can get hot and sweaty. Kids get cranky and tired. Those I can deal with. It’s the parents that won’t even try to calm their unruly kids down or take them outside when in full screaming meltdown mode that irks me. It’s your child – deal with it. Don’t make the rest of us suffer. I’m here to have fun too. Sorry your spawn from Hell is ruining your Disney experience. Don’t ruin mine. Have a magical day!

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2 – Cutting the lines. Why do some people think they are above the rest of us waiting on long lines and attempt to merge into the line ahead of us when it begins moving? They act like the rest of the line does not exist behind them. Get your asses to the back and wait like the rest of us!

3 – People that hold a spot on line. It doesn’t bother me when someone right ahead of me is on line and another person joins them, but when all of a sudden another ten people show up and makes my wait to get on a ride even longer it makes my blood boil! Again, get your asses to the back of the line with your brood!

4 – Those that don’t wash their hands after taking a pee or dump. Really? This is basic hygiene 101. You just know that every part of that park has some sort of nasty bacteria or feces on it. Every ride and railing you touch. Everything. Ebola! Can people just be a bit more sanitary? In fact, I notice it’s the adults that are slacking, as the kids I saw in the bathrooms were good about washing up. Big Bubba Daddy just walked out of a stall after a massive crap and didn’t wash his hands. Thank goodness for hand sanitizer!

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5 – People that litter. There are garbage cans everywhere in the parks. Considering the thousands of people visiting a day here it does amaze me at how clean and manicured the paths, walkways, and garden areas are. It’s very impressive. I’d say 99% of those visiting Disney World are good about using trash cans. It’s the 1% that I see dropping food wrappers, cups, or bottles on the ground and not picking them up that makes me want to shove a turkey leg up their asses!

6 – People that can’t wait their turn. They see that the ride will only seat two normal sized people. Why do some insist on squeezing in and make the experience totally uncomfortable, and awkward, for all of us when they could just wait a few minutes for the next one? I notice this more with Europeans at the parks as they have a hard time understanding what “personal space” is to us Americans. Just relax and wait for the next car. You’ll get on the ride without sitting on my lap!

7 – Those that keep running into me with baby carriages. Hey, I know it’s crowded here and can be hard to maneuver that mega-sized baby carriage the size of a Volkswagen Beetle, but at least say “excuse me” after chop blocking me at the knees or cutting me down at the ankles with it. If you’re going to run me down at least be considerate about it!

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I actually took this picture as the Magic Kingdom is decorated for Halloween.

8 – People that refuse to use deodorant. It’s Florida. It’s hot at the parks even in October. It’s sweaty. For some it can get a bit ripe so to speak. Would it kill you to apply a little extra body spray or deodorant to help kill the nasty B.O. that is eminating from your pores? How about a shower? I almost passed out just on the monorail standing next to a few of you on the way to the park. Pee – yew!

9 – No flash photography means NO! What is so hard about this one simple request? Certain rides do not lend itself to flash photography. Put down the cameras and cell phones for five minutes and enjoy the damn ride or 3-D movie! Stop blinding me with your camera. It’s supposed to be dark in here. Now I see sun spots. My eyes!

10 – Have fun dammit! Stop arguing with your kids. Fighting with your spouses. Complaining about the long lines and all the money you are spending. It’s supposed to be that way as it’s Disney World! Might as well have some fun, enjoy, and escape into the fantasy that are the Disney parks. Heck, it costs a small fortune to vacation here so have fun or else! What’s that second mortgage anyway, or new car mean to you? Just hand the Rat your credit cards on the way in. Resistance is futile.

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Ever been to the Disney parks in Florida, California, or abroad? Anything I missed here? Who else deserves a throat punch?

52 thoughts on “People Who Deserve a Throat Punch at the Magic Kingdom!”

  1. Disney with kids is a magical thing. Don’t think I could take all those freaking people were I not there for the joy in their eyes, though. The line jumping thing is definitely the worst. Makes me all stabby.

    1. Hey Cassandra!

      I get that it’s a magical thing for the kids, and for people like me who still like it, it’s just that the idiot adults make me all stabby too!

  2. How can some folks be so MISERABLE in the happiest place on earth?? I love this post, from the heart of my bottom I love it. Stinky, smelly line jumpers are the worst.

  3. My wife and I honeymooned at the Magic Kingdom the week of Elvis’ death in 1977. Some things never change. We were excited to ride Space Mountain after a long, long line…but when we loaded into the back seat of a four-person space capsule we smelled a very, very foul odor. Seems the two overtly obese heifers in the front seats had forgotten to bathe that year. Imagine being force feed the worst stench ever perceived by man at the speed of light while our stomachs turned, not because of the ride, but due to these pungent bitches. Thanks Mick.

    1. Hey Jim!

      Ewwww…..not only will the ride make you sick but the added stench will make your stomach turn! Guess you didn’t have a magical day.

  4. I am with you on the damn strollers! In fact, despite being an auntie to four kids under the age of six, I believe that if you can’t walk all day long, you shouldn’t be at Disneyland. It’s not really the kids’ fault, but the parents who think that their four-wheeled child transport vehicle is to be used aggressively. Those are my ankles. Back. The. Hell. Off. You’ll get to the damn gift shop!

    1. Hey Jessica!

      The back of my ankles were raw and the top of my feet hide tires marks on them by the time I got out of there. Had fun though. Pleasure is painful!

  5. Oh Phil – I so feel your pain. Those have been my complaints many, many times.

    One time I actually tried to stop a busload of freeloaders trying to cut in line with their little old grandpa who actually waited 45 minutes like the rest of us. Everyone, except one little boy about 10 ignored me. The little boy apologized and did not duck under the railing to join his family. His family went on without him. Then, of course, I felt bad. I told the kid to join his family but next time to remind them that they have to wait in line. I actually got the feeling he felt really bad about cutting in line.

    And, the people who litter and don’t wash their hands, are the same people who don’t control their kids. I’m sure of it. There should be some kind of test people have to pass before they’re allowed into the park.

    I’m glad you managed to have some fun though. It is, after all, the happiest place on earth so stop complaining, shut your mouth and have fun damn it!

    Patricia Rickrode
    w/a Jansen Schmidt

    1. Hey Patricia!

      If there was a test to enter the park it would be half empty!

      But dammit we did have a good time! No matter how many people annoyed us!

  6. Okay, you’re making me not want to go.
    Are there really that many rednecks in FL? It’s obviously been a loooong time for me.

    1. Hey Jamie!

      There is a mix of all kinds of weirdness down in Florida. Rednecks included but they are usually in the Waffle Houses. Disney World just has tons of strange and annoying America walking through it. Go and have a good time. Fun people watching too!

  7. I’ve never been to Disney, but I picture it exactly how you describe it. I mean, I know it’s fun and amazing, yada yada…..but the hoards of idiot people….UGH. It’s like a trip to Wal-Mart X a million. This is why I don’t like crowds. *shudder* We’ll probably take the kids someday. I mean, I think we have to, isn’t it a law or something? I’ll think of this post when we go.

    1. Hey Beth!

      It is really an amazing place, especially if you’re a Disney fan. If the hoardes of people could be eliminated it would be truly magical!

      Anyway, leave the kids home and go yourself. Get drunk around the world at Epcot!

    1. Hey Jenny!

      I’ve been there. Problem is it’s the size of a small parking lot carnival compared to Disney World. 😉

      Still, love them both.

  8. Great observations Phil, I could have listed the same exact points come to think of it.

    You know I hate queue jumpers and people who don’t wash their hands in the bathroom. Not so much because it is rude but it actually affects everybody else. That’s why I like those toilets where you have a go around tunnel entrance rather than a door. It saves me rolling down my sleeve to cover my freshly washed hand as I touch the door handle to get out.

    I’ve been to Disney last year and thankfully it wasn’t too busy at all for a Saturday just after Spring Break. So I think I missed a lot of the annoying people.

    I love the Star Wars theme pictures 🙂

    “Disney World, good time have you will” – said Yoda 😉

    1. Hey Guy!

      Sounds like great minds think alike!

      Yeah, the line jumpers are rude, and those that don’t wash up after taking a dump are just nasty. Good thing about Disney are that there are no doors at the bathroom entrances.

      Glad you enjoyed my rant!

  9. I’d endorse pretty much all of those, Phil. And from my one experience there in the year 2000, maybe I could add one more: The staff in the parks who continuously tell me (in a very pleasant way) to “have a nice day,” but on the occasions I ask them something slightly outside of their script they transform into an arse-hole!

    1. Hey Gary!

      I gladly accept your endorsement! We lucked out as the staff were awesome that we encountered, but all the “have a magical days” kind of freaked us out after a while. It’s like a cult!

  10. Just like “Adult Swim” at a pool, I think there should be an “Adult Day” at places like Disney. How to make those adults wash up and wait their turn in line, though? Well, I haven’t quite got that one figured out.

    1. Hey Karen!

      Oh how I wish there were “adult only” days at Disney! Especially at Epcot and Hollywood Studios where they serve beer! Awesome idea!

    1. Hey Linda!

      LOL! Honestly, it’s all the nutty parents that drive the rest of us crazy. Kids will be kids, and I get that, and many times they act much better than the parents do!

  11. I had many of the same complaints last weekend when we went to our state fair. Holy cow, the number of strollers and automatic wheelchairs were outstanding!! EW to those who don’t wash their hands.
    Florida does have a lot of Europeans and I believe some of them are the ones not too savvy on the deodorant. Don’t quote me on that though.

    1. Hey Holli!

      It seems as if these stroller are getting bigger and bigger every year. Do parents really need them to be the size of a small compact car? It’s like they are trying to outdo each other. Oooh look – I have the bigger toy!

      As for the automatic wheelchairs just stay out of their way!

  12. I had many of the same complaints last weekend when we went to our state fair. Holy cow, the number of strollers and automatic wheelchairs were outstanding!! EW to those who don’t wash their hands.
    Florida does have a lot of Europeans and I believe some of them are the ones not too savvy on the deodorant. Don’t quote me on that though.

    1. Hey Holli!

      It seems as if these stroller are getting bigger and bigger every year. Do parents really need them to be the size of a small compact car? It’s like they are trying to outdo each other. Oooh look – I have the bigger toy!

      As for the automatic wheelchairs just stay out of their way!

  13. So funny Phil and just so you. I love reading your rants as they’re enormously entertaining! Yeah, it’s funny that even though Disneyland is supposed to be for kids or kids at heart, it’s always the adults that make it a pain. Not washing hands. Ewww! Screaming in the park. Yeah, adults. Without kids I might add. Whining about the prices? For goodness sake, it’s not a supermarket, it’s Disney. Dreams don’t come free you know!

    I’ve been to Disneyland in Paris a few times. Very French!
    I’ve also been to Disneyland in California. It was very different and so expensive, it was insane. We were on our first American holiday and doing a road-trip on the West Coast, so it had to be done. There was no way that we would be in California, with a child, and NOT go to Disneyland. That would be insane right? Right?! The food was a bit weird as we tried “Gumbo.” It looked like mush. Expensive mush. Ah well!

    1. Hey Victoria!

      You got that right! The Rat charges top dollar for those magical dreams!

      Mmmm…..gumbo. Go down south here to get real gumbo. So good.

      Honestly, those other Disney parks are nothing compared to Disney World in Orlando. You can easily do a week there and still not see it all.

      Glad you enjoy my rants! 😉

  14. LOL – hand the rat the credit cards! I haven’t been to the full sha’bang of Disney since ’97. That was actually my honeymoon (we were big kids) – me now, not so much. I was in Orlando this summer with five others (Girl’s weekend) and we went to the that night spot with all the clubs, I forgot what it was called. We ate at the Forrest Gump place. Three of us waited to pay and get receipts back while the other three went ahead to get in line for a club. Just when we got there there, they were getting to go in. They waved us to come on but I just couldn’t bring myself the jump all those people. We ended up sitting that club out. There was a place to sit outside and order drinks so we were cool.

    1. Hey Kenya!

      Wow – that was a while back. Head there again to see the changes. Even the food is much better and healthier. More expensive too I’m sure.

      Also, that was Pleasure Island that had all the clubs. That’s gone now.

      You ate at Bubba Gump Shrimp!

  15. LOL — it’s all very funny to read about, and not fun to experience. That’s why I won’t go to places like that anymore. I find it impossible to be around that kind of stuff.

    1. Hey Lynn!

      Thanks for dropping by and commenting!

      I’m a glutton for punishment! I still love it. Now if only I could have the parks to myself it would be wonderful!

  16. I have been to Disneyworld but it was several years ago – I pretty much LOVE all theme parks though, despite those annoyances you describe. Speaking of personal space invasion, I hate it when people in line don’t give you that space, they stand so close to you, you can feel their breath on your neck, or they keep knocking you with their stuff, it’s like they think they’ll make it to the front quicker! And also annoying are groups of people who take up the whole width of the walkway and are just strolling casually along chatting, oblivious that some people are trying to walk quicker!

    1. Hey Vanessa!

      Even with all the craziness I still love the parks. I also have that pet peeve about people being all up my ass and too close. Don’t even get me started on the sidewalk hogs. Here in NYC they drive me nuts.

  17. Swinging in from Susie’s party, as always!

    * My family always used to joke that the driving rules in Florida were “stop on green, go on red”. xD (If that wasn’t good enough, I once attached a crapload of stickers to a piece of paper and called it “I4 at rush hour”. And I was still in the single digits!)
    * Disney looks perfect because all cast members are supposed to pick up trash whenever they see it.

    I’d go back one day, but Disney has gotten so damn expensive, I don’t think it’s going to happen…ever again!

    1. Hey Daya!

      Thanks for dropping by and commenting! Susie throws a great shindig!

      Yup – Disney is not a cheap vacation by any means. I don’t know how parents with kids do it. Must save up for a long time.

      LOL at the Florida driving rules. So true!

  18. I have no desire to go back to The Magic Kingdom. I could barely stand it when my kids were little! Manners keep getting worse, it seems.
    Thanks for bringing this to the party!
    Have fun and KEEP YOUR PANTS ON!!! This time, you have a chance since you belted your chaps. 🙂

    1. Hey Susie!

      Thanks again for throwing another terrific blog party! A blast as always.

      Seems my assless chaps were a hit. Got ass slapped so many times my butt is raw! Your friends are a bunch of sex crazed women! 😉

Feel free to comment! We all have opinions!