It’s been a while since I let out my frustrations. So many things that make me want to scream out loud and bang my head against the wall lately. Sometimes, these same irritants come around seasonally, and others come out of left field like a pigeon taking a dump on my head. Let’s start with the most obvious one. And away we go!
1) Pumpkin everything – Really, what the heck? How can such a little used member of the squash family make everyone become so crazed once Labor Day hits? It’s like the population becomes hypnotized and metamorphosizes into zombies craving brains, um, pumpkin flavored everything. Sure, I love me some pumpkin pie at Thanksgiving, but enough is enough. Let’s be real here – most of these over-flavored pumpkin foods and drinks taste like crap anyway. Either way too sweet or just bland.
2) The hot weather – I am so sick of the warm humid swamp ass weather. I am so ready for the cool, crisp, dry and comfortable Fall season. Can Summer please just go away already. I’m done with you. Bye Felicia!
3) The Presidential Nominee Debates ( otherwise known as Monty Python’s Flying Circus ) – These can’t be real can they? It’s like a bad SNL comedy skit that does not know when to end. How about this? Instead of debating put all the nominees in an oil wrestling ring and let them go at each other. First one to tear off Donald Trump’s (real?) hair is the winner and gets the Republican nomination. Oh, the entertainment!
4) Comedian Steve Rannazzisi. This dude admitted to lying about being in the World Trade Center on 9/11 and escaping on that horrific day. He lied about it for years with his made up stories and details, and only admitted it was a total lie when the truth was going to be exposed by the New York Times. What a total douchebag. His picture should be placed next to the word “dick” in the dictionary. Bet his wife and family are really proud of him!
5) Department Stores. Yes, it’s still warm out here in NYC. I go to the store to pick up some shorts, shirts, lighter material clothes, and what do I find? Winter gear. Freaking winter clothes! Long sleeve shirts. Heavy apparel. Wool coats. Stuff that will make me pass out from overheating. What is it with stores that are in such a rush to dump inventory and push cold weather gear on us in only September? I’m sick of this shit!
6) To go along with the above I just saw a Christmas commercial from Target. A Christmas commercial – in September! I shit you not! Are they kidding me? This is just so wrong. So wrong. I cringed when I saw it. Not ready yet!!! Let’s do Halloween first!
7) What is it with dudes pulling their puds on the subways lately? Here in NYC there have been so many guys caught masturbating on the trains that it’s getting ridiculous. Not just on the subway but also the Long Island Railroad. They are doing this in full sight of anyone walking by and sitting near them. WTF? They can’t use a bathroom or just wait to go home to relieve themselves. This is just plain nasty. No, just, no.
At least I did see something that is so right this weekend while at the annual Oktoberfest in Central Park. It was this dude. He wins Steuben Day and brings wearing Lederhosen to another level! Hungry like the wolf! PROSIT!