It’s been a while since I let out my frustrations. So many things that make me want to scream out loud and bang my head against the wall lately. Sometimes, these same irritants come around seasonally, and others come out of left field like a pigeon taking a dump on my head. Let’s start with the most obvious one. And away we go!
1) Pumpkin everything – Really, what the heck? How can such a little used member of the squash family make everyone become so crazed once Labor Day hits? It’s like the population becomes hypnotized and metamorphosizes into zombies craving brains, um, pumpkin flavored everything. Sure, I love me some pumpkin pie at Thanksgiving, but enough is enough. Let’s be real here – most of these over-flavored pumpkin foods and drinks taste like crap anyway. Either way too sweet or just bland.
2) The hot weather – I am so sick of the warm humid swamp ass weather. I am so ready for the cool, crisp, dry and comfortable Fall season. Can Summer please just go away already. I’m done with you. Bye Felicia!
3) The Presidential Nominee Debates ( otherwise known as Monty Python’s Flying Circus ) – These can’t be real can they? It’s like a bad SNL comedy skit that does not know when to end. How about this? Instead of debating put all the nominees in an oil wrestling ring and let them go at each other. First one to tear off Donald Trump’s (real?) hair is the winner and gets the Republican nomination. Oh, the entertainment!
4) Comedian Steve Rannazzisi. This dude admitted to lying about being in the World Trade Center on 9/11 and escaping on that horrific day. He lied about it for years with his made up stories and details, and only admitted it was a total lie when the truth was going to be exposed by the New York Times. What a total douchebag. His picture should be placed next to the word “dick” in the dictionary. Bet his wife and family are really proud of him!
5) Department Stores. Yes, it’s still warm out here in NYC. I go to the store to pick up some shorts, shirts, lighter material clothes, and what do I find? Winter gear. Freaking winter clothes! Long sleeve shirts. Heavy apparel. Wool coats. Stuff that will make me pass out from overheating. What is it with stores that are in such a rush to dump inventory and push cold weather gear on us in only September? I’m sick of this shit!
6) To go along with the above I just saw a Christmas commercial from Target. A Christmas commercial – in September! I shit you not! Are they kidding me? This is just so wrong. So wrong. I cringed when I saw it. Not ready yet!!! Let’s do Halloween first!
7) What is it with dudes pulling their puds on the subways lately? Here in NYC there have been so many guys caught masturbating on the trains that it’s getting ridiculous. Not just on the subway but also the Long Island Railroad. They are doing this in full sight of anyone walking by and sitting near them. WTF? They can’t use a bathroom or just wait to go home to relieve themselves. This is just plain nasty. No, just, no.
At least I did see something that is so right this weekend while at the annual Oktoberfest in Central Park. It was this dude. He wins Steuben Day and brings wearing Lederhosen to another level! Hungry like the wolf! PROSIT!
Regarding the pumpkin stuff, I’m not the one to complain. I don’t like coffee, so of course I’m a big fan of pumpkin spice latte. Not even sure it tastes like pumpkin, but that stuff is addictive.
Christmas seems to come early this year. That’s one of the benefits of living in a muslim country. Not a lot of christmas celebration until december (but then the department stores go all in, not kidding).
Hey Mitzie!
I am a total coffee slut! Must have it every day! No way to the pumpkin stuff though. I’m not a big fan. Christmas in Dubai? That just seems so wrong! Guess the department stores are greedy even over there!
Capitalism. The nominees and the early merchandising.
The perverts? No idea!
Can you carry takers in NYC?? Maybe that’s the next step.
Taze em all, Phil!
*Tazers, not takers.
Fat fingers!
Hey Joy!
I wish I could carry a tazer and zap all the assholes that surround me!
Hey Joy!
So not ready for Christmas commercials just yet. I’m not even ready for Halloween which I love, but I am enjoying the cold weather that has hit NYC! Bring on Thanksgiving!
Well it is pumpkin season after all Phil, and those large orange globes not only serve as lovely dishes, but, they also add lots of decorative pleasure all the way through Thanksgiving. Picking them adds a whole other day of fall fun for kids and adults alike. Now I just know you want to pick your own pumpkin with a hayride. Don’t you Phil? I love pumpkin spice coffee. Pumpkin. Pumpkin. Pumpkin. Just sayin. As far as the candidates, I’m having more fun and getting more laughs surrounding an election than ever…
Hey Peggy!
I have done pumpkin picking. carving, and even many slices of pumpkin pie which I love! As for pumpkin flavored drinks I’m not a huge fan.
Oh, the Republican debates are a laugh riot. Just wait until the Democratic debates. Even more fun!
Sadly, I’m all about the pumpkin love…in coffee, breads, cream cheese. But I draw the line at those damned pumpkin tampons I’ve seen posted online. Ugh. What woman would want their lady bits smelling like bloody pie?
Hey Kitt!
LMAO!!! What – you don’t want some pumpkin scent down in your vajajay? Tell hubs to go down there with some whipped cream and feast away!
Yes to all of the above, with the exception of Pumpkin Reese’s. Now they aren’t pumpkin flavored, so maybe I can get a pass? I wait all year for the Pumpkin Reese’s to come out.
Hey Cassandra!
OK – I’ll give you that one. Just don’t start using pumpkin scented feminine products!
I’m with you on the cooler weather! I am sooo over the hot temps. Anything below 90 would be great . Not a fan of the pumpkin spice stuff. I did try the shredded wheats a week ago that had the flavor by accident and they weren’t bad. I wont buy anymore though.
Hey Holli!
I am so loving the cool air and colder nights now. Windows open and no need for AC. I feel hot when it’s in the 60’s. Pumpkin shredded wheat just sounds so bad!
I don’t do many pumpkin recipes this time of year, but I always do one or two because my younger son is a pumpkin lover. Sorry, I’ll tell you when to avoid my blog. Wonder if there was any Pumpkin Beer at that Oktoberfest . . .
The Steve Rannazzisi thing was such a huge shock. Of all things to lie about, and for so long. Sick.
Hey Karen!
Nope – no pumpkin beer at Oktoberfest! That is blasphemy! Only German beers allowed. Thank god.
Yeah, that dude is a total asshole. I am sure many first responders and people who lost loved ones that day want to kick his ass. Rightfully so.
Haha, I’m sorry but I’m team pumpkin really :’)Pumpkin soup especially. The latte version one from the Starbucks is a guilty pleasure of mine, knowing that there are actually zero pumpkin init! Xx
Hello Ice!
Thanks for dropping by and commenting! I am sure there are many who enjoy this crazed pumpkin time of year. I do admit that pumpkin soup sounds tempting, and I do love pumpkin pie! As for the drinks, maybe a beer or two but I draw the line at coffee! 🙂
Hey Phil, I just ate a pumpkin/dark chocolate muffin. It was yumdillyicious! If SueAnn’s Bagels still existed in the area, I would be buying pumpkin chocolate chip bagels with pumpkin chocolate chip cream cheese.
I agree about the Presidential debates. Let them wrestle in oil and mud. I disagree about summer…let it go on for another two months…although I do not like the humidity of July and August.
I’m ignoring anything I see that remotely looks like Christmas. It’s just wrong to start this early. One can shop for Christmas early, but I don’t want to see elf on a shelf at Target just yet.
Hey Mary!
Oh no! You’re one of those pumpkin people! Save yourself!
I am so loving this cold that has hit NYC. 50 degrees today! Are you kidding, I have seen Christmas stuff in the stores already! NOOOOOO!!!!!
I’m always partial to a good rant. And yesterday I too saw a Christmas commercial on the TV – unbelievable! And my 21-yer-old daughter who has just returned from New York thankfully didn’t have to endure those w*nkers on the trains – or at least she hasn’t told me about it if she did!
Hey Gary!
Good thing she didn’t have to deal with that stuff here on the subways. Pretty nasty.
As for Christmas, I love the holiday, just not before Halloween!
I love your rants and yes all the pumpkin drinks taste like crap. Please let’s do Halloween first. I don’t want Christmas here yet way too early for that shit. Lol What is up with your #7 gross. Idk what I would do if I seen that on my way home.
Hey Patricia!
Good thing you haven’t experienced any train wankers! Bad enough everything is pumpkin spice for a few months.
Merry Chrisgivingween! It’s after labor day, so we must start pushing everything on you! Remember, it’s only 179 days until Easter! Where has the time gone?
And as for No. 7 … really? It’s times like that when I am glad I don’t live in a city. Sheesh.
Hey PJ!
This pushing the holidays is pretty insane! Just pure greed on the store’s part. Enough already. Let us enjoy the holidays first.
As for #7 – you don’t even know what I have seen around here!
This made me laugh. While I do like pumpkin, I’m definitely not obsessed. It’s more obnoxious how in the face the Holiday season is! I don’t want to start thinking Christmas until at least Thanksgiving!
Hey Hollie!
Thanks for dropping by and commenting!
I’ll admit that even though I think most of it tastes bad I love a good pumpkin pie and some pumkin bread. That’s it though. Also, let me enjoy Halloween first!
Yeeeuch! Xmas already! OMG that’s far too much.
In Germany, summer is over. We’re all throwing scarves over our shoulders, and wearing socks, not that we ever wore flip-flops LOL!
Hey Victoria!
I know, right? We’ll be bombarded with Easter stuff next month probably! (hopefully not)
It finally cooled off here. Now in the 60’s. I like the cold. Bring on winter!
I agree about the pumpkin craze. It’s out of control. The amount of Trader Joe’s pumpkin products is scary. Unless you love pumpkin.
Hey Marci!
Thanks for dropping by and commenting!
Oh, I won’t even step foot in Trader Joe’s right now. Yet, I love their damn nut and snack trail mixes. Keep me away from that stuff. It’s like crack!
It blows my mind that that guy kept the lie going for so long!
Hey Kristin!
Thanks for dropping by and commenting!
That dude is a complete asshole. Hope his career goes down the drain and he is stuck cleaning gas station bathrooms. Not cool.