Am I the only one that loathes the bombardment of Christmas commercials and decorations that we are subjected to these weeks before Thanksgiving? It’s already been one of those weeks here in NYC and I feel as if I’m being abused by the Elf on the Shelf. Now let’s be real here for a moment. That damn thing is creepy. No way do I want a psychopath elf in my house. I don’t know why this strange tradition was started anyway. It’s supposed to be moved to a different spot each night or something. Yeah, let’s traumatize our kids. No, let’s terrorize me because if that little bastard shows up in a different spot other than where I left him I’m burning down the damn house! I freak out a bit when I can’t find my keys and swear something moved them. Anyone remember that evil little Zuni fetish doll in the movie Trilogy of Terror? Yeah THAT evil effing thing that chased Karen Black around and attacked her. I just know that damn elf is the reincarnation of that crazy little shit. Waiting. Plotting. He’s as bad as a creepy clown.
Almost. Clowns suck too. And dolls. They also suck. Nope. Nope. Noppity Nope.
What the heck is going on with people lately on the subways here in NYC? We have some nut job who pushed a guy in front of an oncoming train. Then we have some politician who wants to ban backpacks on the trains. Now we keep seeing news articles that the fares are going up again. So, for this one political looney his main complaint is having some dude with a backpack push up against him in a crowded subway car. Sure, these douchenozzles with those oversized packs carrying useless junk in them are annoying, but I think the poor man who got killed by some wacko on the platform has a much more legit complaint. Sometimes I think our idiot politicians would not see the bigger picture if we actually threw them through the plate glass window. Now the MTA, even with increased record ridership being reported, are still claiming they are losing money and can’t make ends meet. Gee, let’s see, raise the fares again! Let’s charge more for less service! Dirty train cars, less staff on the platforms, crime, grime, rats, etc. Is this some bizarro city we live in or what?
Oh, and the brand new Fulton Center subway hub that cost an astronomical 1.4 billion dollars to build just opened and already some of the escalators and elevators are breaking down. Many bigwigs have called it “Magical” and “Monumental”. After a seven year delay finishing it and massive cost overruns along the way the one magic trick I see so far was making all that money disappear!
Holy Mother of God what the heck is happening up in Northwestern NY up by Buffalo? Four feet of snow so far and up to six feet of snow expected. SIX EFFING FEET!!!!! No way, no how, not happening that I would ever consider living near there. That is some damn angry punishment from Mother Nature. Who the heck pissed her off? Actually, we spent a few days this summer up in Buffalo checking out the city’s hot spots, waterfront, Niagara Falls, surrounding area and really enjoyed it. The winter season there would have me putting a spear through my head. I’d go stir crazy with cabin fever. Six feet? That will also take forever to melt and winter is just starting. Lake effects snow is the real deal. No joke. Now they might get a few more feet by the weekend. With everyone snowbound I wonder how many blizzard babies will pop up nine months from now. I love the cold weather season but I heard even Santa, Snow Mizer, and Jack Frost have written off visiting this winter as they booked a flight to the Bahamas after seeing this mess. I don’t blame them. Then again, getting trapped in Duff’s or even the Anchor Bar for a few days with nothing but beer and chicken wings to survive on might not be all that horrible.
I raise a wing and glass of sauce to the hearty people of Buffalo. Good luck up there.
Now this is the epitome of dumbness. When will drug traffickers ever get it though their coke induced noggins that trying to ship a suitcase full of cocaine through our city’s airports might not be the best idea. Let’s see here. Coke filled suitcase. K-9 drug and bomb sniffing patrol dogs. Heightened security. TSA agents everywhere. Yeah, shoving some baggage full of a highly illegal narcotic and attemping to stroll through airport security checkpoints sounds like a breeze. Shit – I freak out if I forget my 2 ounce Purell is in my carry-on along with my chapstick, and then worry about my belt setting off the alarm to get body cavity searched!
Hope that coke worth $87,000 on the streets was worth federal narcotics smuggling charges and the years that moron will now spend in a federal penitentiary. Don’t drop the soap!