Buffalo Snow, Elf on a Shelf, Cocaine – All kinds of crazy stuff!

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Am I the only one that loathes the bombardment of Christmas commercials and decorations that we are subjected to these weeks before Thanksgiving? It’s already been one of those weeks here in NYC and I feel as if I’m being abused by the Elf on the Shelf. Now let’s be real here for a moment. That damn thing is creepy. No way do I want a psychopath elf in my house. I don’t know why this strange tradition was started anyway. It’s supposed to be moved to a different spot each night or something. Yeah, let’s traumatize our kids. No, let’s terrorize me because if that little bastard shows up in a different spot other than where I left him I’m burning down the damn house! I freak out a bit when I can’t find my keys and swear something moved them. Anyone remember that evil little Zuni fetish doll in the movie Trilogy of Terror? Yeah THAT evil effing thing that chased Karen Black around and attacked her. I just know that damn elf is the reincarnation of that crazy little shit. Waiting. Plotting. He’s as bad as a creepy clown.

Almost. Clowns suck too. And dolls. They also suck. Nope. Nope. Noppity Nope.

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What the heck is going on with people lately on the subways here in NYC? We have some nut job who pushed a guy in front of an oncoming train. Then we have some politician who wants to ban backpacks on the trains. Now we keep seeing news articles that the fares are going up again. So, for this one political looney his main complaint is having some dude with a backpack push up against him in a crowded subway car. Sure, these douchenozzles with those oversized packs carrying useless junk in them are annoying, but I think the poor man who got killed by some wacko on the platform has a much more legit complaint. Sometimes I think our idiot politicians would not see the bigger picture if we actually threw them through the plate glass window. Now the MTA, even with increased record ridership being reported, are still claiming they are losing money and can’t make ends meet. Gee, let’s see, raise the fares again! Let’s charge more for less service! Dirty train cars, less staff on the platforms, crime, grime, rats, etc. Is this some bizarro city we live in or what?

Oh, and the brand new Fulton Center subway hub that cost an astronomical 1.4 billion dollars to build just opened and already some of the escalators and elevators are breaking down. Many bigwigs have called it “Magical” and “Monumental”. After a seven year delay finishing it and massive cost overruns along the way the one magic trick I see so far was making all that money disappear!

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Holy Mother of God what the heck is happening up in Northwestern NY up by Buffalo? Four feet of snow so far and up to six feet of snow expected. SIX EFFING FEET!!!!! No way, no how, not happening that I would ever consider living near there. That is some damn angry punishment from Mother Nature. Who the heck pissed her off? Actually, we spent a few days this summer up in Buffalo checking out the city’s hot spots, waterfront, Niagara Falls, surrounding area and really enjoyed it. The winter season there would have me putting a spear through my head. I’d go stir crazy with cabin fever. Six feet? That will also take forever to melt and winter is just starting. Lake effects snow is the real deal. No joke. Now they might get a few more feet by the weekend. With everyone snowbound I wonder how many blizzard babies will pop up nine months from now. I love the cold weather season but I heard even Santa, Snow Mizer, and Jack Frost have written off visiting this winter as they booked a flight to the Bahamas after seeing this mess. I don’t blame them. Then again, getting trapped in Duff’s or even the Anchor Bar for a few days with nothing but beer and chicken wings to survive on might not be all that horrible.

I raise a wing and glass of sauce to the hearty people of Buffalo. Good luck up there.

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Now this is the epitome of dumbness. When will drug traffickers ever get it though their coke induced noggins that trying to ship a suitcase full of cocaine through our city’s airports might not be the best idea. Let’s see here. Coke filled suitcase. K-9 drug and bomb sniffing patrol dogs. Heightened security. TSA agents everywhere. Yeah, shoving some baggage full of a highly illegal narcotic and attemping to stroll through airport security checkpoints sounds like a breeze. Shit – I freak out if I forget my 2 ounce Purell is in my carry-on along with my chapstick, and then worry about my belt setting off the alarm to get body cavity searched!

Hope that coke worth $87,000 on the streets was worth federal narcotics smuggling charges and the years that moron will now spend in a federal penitentiary. Don’t drop the soap!

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29 thoughts on “Buffalo Snow, Elf on a Shelf, Cocaine – All kinds of crazy stuff!”

  1. i seriously cannot believe how badly Buffalo got slammed!
    I love a good snow day, maybe even two… but with snow like that its likely that roofs will cave in from the weight of that snow and cable is out.

    And how about those people stranded on highways!?!?! wth!
    Monique recently posted…Bridal ShowerMy Profile

  2. As a former native of the Queen City of Buffalo, now displaced in Mississippi, I have plenty of snow horror stories to share.
    Once during the blizzard of ’77, snow depths of 12 feet weren’t unusual. I loved to tell Southern folk about Western New Yorkers having to remove the snow from their roofs with snow blowers to prevent collapse. They would always ask, how do they do that? I’d tell to think about what they just asked…and then say THE SNOW WAS 12 FEET DEEP…THEY WALKED UP THERE!!!
    Idiots. I’m surrounded. by them.
    I’m going to the Waffle House…
    – Jim H.
    Jim H. recently posted…Me, You and 62…Modern Day GhostownMy Profile

  3. Nice little round up of events there Phil. Crazy times indeed!

    I’ve not heard of that elf tradition you have going, sounds spooky.

    As for us in the UK, well Christmas songs seem to begin as soon as Back to school finishes in early September. It just drags Christmas out to be far longer than it needs to be.

    Sorry to hear about that guy on the subway, there are some real morons in this world.

    As for backpacks, well I can see the point in banning them. It can certainly get annoying in any confined space. I suffer enough being whacked by them on planes, in queues and elevators. Why can’t people just carry the bag in their hands when they are so close to others?

    I heard about Buffalo too. It sounds as though it was a very highly concentrated spot and the airport was hardly hit at all?

  4. It appears we are going to have a Polar Snowmageddon Vortex winter. Cold and snow, cold and snow, cold and snow. I feel sorry for the people who had to endure the snowstorm, although I bet they got a day or two off work.

    You get extra points today for the cat photo. I love it.
    Mary J Melange recently posted…Overheard by Two CatsMy Profile

  5. I’m with you. On alla that. The elf is too much work for me, my sister bought one for my kids, but they hide it and make a game of finding it. I don’t do anything with it, except occasionally take inappropriate pictures when I’m super bored from cabin fever. I like the creepiness of it, though. I’m a fan of creepy. Ever see the movie Devil Dolls? Old school movie about evil dolls. It’s pretty rad if you like horror.
    I couldn’t live any farther North than Chicago, every year I consider moving South. Ever see The Shining? I’m almost there as it is, add Cabin Fever? sCaRy.
    Joy Christi recently posted…By Gum, It’s Gum. Thankless Heathen NovemberMy Profile

  6. You cover a lot of important news items here, Phil!
    My kids missed the Elf on the Shelf craze. Thank the Lord. I found the holidays stressful enough back then without having to remember hiding him every night.
    They got 54 inches of snow in Breck! Woohoo! We are hitting the slops tomorrow. It looks like people could ski off their roof tops in Buffalo! Love that cat!
    Thanks for bringing this to the party! Have fun! There are a lot of new faces in the crowd.
    Susie Lindau recently posted…Gobbling Up the Holidays Blog Hop – Use Me and Abuse Me!My Profile

  7. As a British person, I don’t know what the Elf thing is all about. In England, an elf is a person who cobbles shoes! It’s a long story…!

    Anyway, I remember Chucky and I loved the film franchise as I’m that weird but I wouldn’t want him in my house. I’m the only girl in my family and I remember wanting my huge teddy and huge walking doll to come to life, and play with me. Thank goodness, they didn’t LOL!!!

    Even now, my son and I don’t like clowns as they’re creepy and we have a family code word just in case, one of us gets taken away by aliens. Seriously! Too much Dr. Who!
    Victoria recently posted…You’re not British if you haven’t walked down Abbey Road, Penny Lane, and Strawberry Fields, with Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds!My Profile

  8. Yup. Looooove my little elf buddy. I agree that she’s creepy as FUCK, but omg the amusement I get from her is never ending. I would so not torture a child with it though. The kid is going to know that it’s not real. I think. I suppose I shouldn’t make claims about raising a child I haven’t even conceived yet. *sigh*

    I’m done rambling now.
    Quirky Chrissy recently posted…Martini Glasses Are Fucking UselessMy Profile

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