First things first. Happy New Year! Here’s to a healthy, happy, safe, and prosperous 2018!

I don’t know where you all live, but it’s freaking cold here in the Northeast. As cold as a polar bear’s anus. Colder than Jack Frost’s taint. So cold that my sphincter packed up and moved to Miami for the winter! All it left behind was a post-it note telling me it decided to live the life of a “snow bird”. Adios amigo!

I won’t even tell you where it adhered the note to. Let’s just say it was a rude awakening when I got up this morning and stumbled half asleep into the bathroom. Inconsiderate bastard didn’t even say goodbye! That’s what I get for all those years of a “soft touch” and Cottonelle. No appreciation whatsoever! Continue reading Happy 2018! New Me. New You. Oh, Stop The BS! →