Am I weirdo magnet?
That is a question I ask myself constantly while living in NYC. Well actually, just not here but it seems pretty much everywhere I travel. I just don’t get it. They come out of the woodwork, out of the shadows, out of the dark corners of my mind to confront me in the strangest of ways. Now, I know that living in NYC it’s pretty much weirdo central. From what I have been told only a few spots rival it. Maine for one?
Just the other night it happened to me again. I had nothing much planned so I took my computer downtown to a nice coffee-house that stays open until midnight and offers free WiFi, along with a really tasty iced café mocha I must say. I was minding my own business doing some work on my resume and job hunt. Earbuds in and listening to my tunes. Every once in a while, I looked up and noticed the place was busy but not totally packed. There was a jumble of empty seats spread throughout. They are basically round tables for two. Of course, as with any coffee joint the tables near outlets are at a premium. WiFi hogs such as myself covet these. I noticed this one dude sitting alone at a table along the windows by one of these. He was not drinking or eating anything. Just sitting there. For an hour. Staring ahead into space. Like one of those creepers you see in a club at the edge of the dance floor holding a beer and leering at the girls dancing. Yes, that guy.
The one you hope does not approach you.
So, after a while, the place got a bit crowded and someone who needed the seat and outlet to plug-in asked him to move since he was not really a customer but just taking up space. At that point I was unaware of what was happening as I was deep in thought and focused on what I was doing. Out of all the people and all the empty seats available at each table guess which one he had to come over to? Yup! Of course, it was me. Always me.
I don’t get it. I mind my own business. I don’t bother anyone. I certainly don’t come across as a sheepish and weak individual. Some people have gone so far to say I can be a bit intimidating. Yet, these weirdos always seem to gravitate to my orbit. Like a piece of space junk pulled into my gravitational pull. It was one of those moments where I just wanted to be left alone for a bit to get some work done. My zone was broken as I looked up and found weirdo boy staring at me with a soulless look in his eye. Skinny dude, maybe 5’ 8” tall, with brown curly wavy hair, wearing a long dark brown oversized overcoat and jeans, and a thick accent that I couldn’t quite place. After a few seconds of looking at each other he stammered in a hushed tone – “Can I sit here?”
As I had to take out my earbuds to understand what he wanted I asked “excuse me”? Again, he asked if he could sit with me. Now, on the chair across my table was sitting my computer bag, notes, and my coat. I looked around and noticed the tables to the left and right of me both also had people sitting at them, men and women, but their extra chairs were empty. Yet, creepy guy had to zero in on me of all people. I was taken aback for a second but told him that I was expecting someone to join me and needed the seat. (yeah, I know it sounds like I was being a douche and lying but I really was expecting a friend who was on the way)
Here is where that icky creeper feeling kicks in. He leaned over and just stared at me. As if he could not calculate what I had just told him. Just silently looking at me. As if he wanted to use my skin to make a lampshade with. That kind of look. I told him again that a friend was on the way and needed the chair. I did this politely as who knew what he was hiding under that overcoat. Way too many bad things happening in public places lately. Heck, if I was going to be Dexter’s next anatomy project at least let me finish my iced mocha I paid for! Again, he muttered something undecipherable, then nodded at me and shuffled off. As I was placing my earbuds back in and went back to what I was doing I quickly glanced up and saw he plopped down at a table this young girl was sitting at. She looked mortified. I think he didn’t even ask her. He just took the seat. I kept an eye on them just in case I had to intervene on her behalf. After a few minutes, I looked over and he had disappeared.
My bad, no he didn’t. He was standing on the sidewalk staring through the window. Finally, he disappeared into the New York City night. Thank goodness.
My friend showed up right after that and I told her about by weirdo buddy. She told me that maybe he picked me because I have a friendly non-threatening look. Not some mean looking meathead look. Maybe he was bashful around women. Or, maybe he just liked me.
I went home after the place closed for the night and took a shower to get the feeling of creepster off me. Not before I locked all the doors, bolted close the windows, and looked under my bed and in all the closets. No way was I reenacting that scene from Psycho!
10 thoughts on “Am I A Weirdo Magnet?”
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Yes, you are a weirdo magnet. Way to go, running a poor homeless dude away from his potential sleeping spot. Nice work!
I sometimes feel like I’m a weirdo magnet but all I have to do to get rid of them is start picking at my toenails or fake hack-coughing or something. They eventually leave.
Welcome to the jungle my friend.
w/a Jansen Schmidt
LMAO! Maybe next time I should start picking my nose and clipping my toenails at the table. Then again, I might never be allowed back into this place!
That is creepy!! I attract them too. One time i was on the subway in San Francisco , a homeless guy sat next to me. I didnt mind and i tried to be nice and i simply smiled. Not even a whole on smile but a small grin. He then started talking nonsense to me and then started yelling at me when i ignored him and listened to my ipod. He followed me off the subway which is when i got scared and i found a guy in a uniform that wasnt even police. The homeless guy eventually walked past me still yelling at me. I took off the other direction and looked over my shoulder the rest of the day.
What makes these kind of weirdos come at us? Maybe we are too friendly looking? I even had one of theses weirdos stake me out when in San Juan at a big festival we were at- and there were 100,000 other people there! Go figure.
I love the ‘making a lampshade’ quote. But perhaps you were overly sensitive – he might have only wanted to swill your liver down his gullet with a nice Chianti!
Funny, that movie was just on TV the other night. I still get a kick out of that line. As long as it’s not me he is eating.
Welcome back Phil! Yep! You’re a weirdo magnet and sadly, I think I’m one of the same breed, but less so in Berlin, since we’re all slightly “cuckoo” anyway…!
I remember when I used to live in London, I took the Tube one Saturday afternoon, and a football group came on. “Oh no” thought I deeply ingrossed in my newspaper. Now mind you, it was about lunch time, and one of the girls was already swinging on the railing of the train. This girl then walked straight up to me and plonked herself on my lap! Out of all the men and “other people” on the underground train, she had to sit on MY lap!
I was mortified!
And she was very, very drunk! It took a lot of effort to gently flip her onto the next seat whilst trying to slide away from her. I wasn’t at all successful, until they left!
Hahaha! I would have loved to have been there. You just know she would have laid across both our laps. I have also had stuff like that happen to me in the NYC subways. For some reason the drunk guy or gal has to start crap with me. They love us for some reason.
Yeah, I was gone for a bit but now back to blogging. New updated website too! Thanks for sticking around.
You’re very welcome. We weirdos have to stick together lol!
Hi my name is Dean Martin and I’ve been a weirdo magnet since age five
(Group all at once in a monotone voice) Hi Dean. Lol
I guess because I do a lot of things on my own, I attract all kind’s of people but for sure weirdos. I sometimes just see how far it’ll go and if it gets to crazy, I’ll escape out by being very vague and just say I gotta go. Lol one easy, no thought involved escape plan. MUHAHA. Lol