WIN TWO TICKETS TO
SEX TIPS FOR STRAIGHT WOMEN FROM A GAY MAN!
In this hilarious new comedy based on the best-selling book of the same title, audiences are welcomed into a fun-filled world of insider advice that could only be culled from that most insightful of individuals: the gay man. The play is set at a local university auditorium where the English department holds its monthly meet the authors event. Robyn is the shy and studious moderator of the event and this month’s featured author is Dan Anderson of Sex Tips for Straight Women from a Gay Man. With the help of a hunky staged assistant named Stefan, Dan aims to turn this meet the authors event upside down with a highly theatrical, audience interactive sex tip seminar. Will Stefan’s muscles be used for more than moving more than heavy scenery? Will the power of Dan’s tips prove too titillating for even Robyn to resist? As with everything at this event…that is for Dan to know, and you to find out!
Sex Tips for Straight Women from a Gay Man
Written by: Matt Murphy
The 777 Theatre – 777 8th Avenue
CONTEST RESTRICTIONS: Winner will receive a ticket voucher redeemable for two tickets to a performance of his/her choice – voucher expires 4/29/14. Blackout dates and other restrictions may apply.
OK – so here is the contest deal as per the rules of my blog. Reply below with a comment if you want to be entered into this contest with your most embarrassing sex experience or dating disaster. The winner will be drawn at random on midnight Sunday March 30th. Yup – time to bear all the dirty wretched details for all to see! Let’s make this fun and good luck to all who enter. I’ll assign a number to your name and pick the winner with a number generator. Heck, even if you’re not in the NY area for this and read this blog pitch in as we want to hear from you too! The winner will be featured in my own blog post describing my worst ever date/sex disasters on Monday March 31. Let’s just say one involves fire. Oh yes!
Sex Tips For Straight Women From A Gay Man – SPECIAL OFFER
If you don’t win tickets, you can still see the show at a great deal!
OFFER:
$79.69 The Wet Zone (Reg. $99.69) – includes a FREE drink!
$55.69 Front Section (Reg. $69.69)
$39.69 Rear Section (Reg. $49.69)
TO REDEEM:
ONLINE: CLICK HERE and enter code RRTIPS
PHONE: Call 866.811.4111 and mention code RRTIPS
BOX OFFICE: One Hour prior to performances
RESTRICTIONS: Regularly $49.69-$99.69. Offer may be revoked at any time and is subject to availability. Not valid on prior purchase. Offer cannot be combined with other discounts or promotions; blackout dates and restrictions may apply.
*claps* oh this is funnnnn! My mind is swirling with ideas. What is my most embarrassing sex story or dating fiasco? Hmmmm. Has to be the time (I can’t believe I’m going to share this, but oh wth) I was dating a guy with not only a foot festish, but a bondage one as well. I’d broken up with him, but we got back together for a few rendezvous afterwards, and I was at his apartment one night….let’s say a little tied up… butt naked to a chair in his family room. Then someone knocked on the front door, twice, then rang the bell. They were very persistent. He (who was dressed still, mostly) answered the door! It was a female coworker of his bitching about work drama. She wouldn’t leave! All the while, I’m tied naked to a chair just out of her view! I’m was f-u-m-i-n-g. By the time he got rid of her there was no more hanky panky. Seething, I ordered him to untie me and we argued until he took me home. Needless to say, that sealed the break up. I mean, who answers the effing door and chats for like 20 minutes when they have a naked girl tied up in their house?
Could you just send Beth the tickets? I can’t begin to imagine that the play will be better than her post though…
I like you, Barb. You seem smart.
😉
I sense a new love affair here…..
Hey, I came over from Susie’s party because it’s Saturday night and apparently I have a sad, sad life… But after reading some of these tales of woe, I have to say that I’m going to show the hub how very grateful I am not to be out there in dateland. Very grateful.
Hey Barb!
The dating and sex scene out there is a slippery slope indeed! Gotta admit it is sometimes pretty funny!
Hey Barb!
Maybe they should write this scene into it and credit her.
Hey Beth!
Hahaha! That sounds like something I would do to you too! Except I don’t think I would have untied you when you were that angry. I would have went and made a sandwich first. 🙂
Well, it would also depends if he was getting the other chick naked too!
Beth for President! You are awesome girl. Thanks for sharing, I needed a good laugh.
Hey MJM!
I bet she has a lot more stories to tell!
Wow, Beth that has any of mine beat to hell LOL….good one.
I bet Beth has many more stories to tell like these!
Darn, I can’t win. No way I’d publicly tell my most embarrassing moment without anonymity and witness protection.
My worst date was in college. I couldn’t get away from him fast enough. He walked me to my dorm, tried to get rid of him at the door but no luck. We pressed the elevator button, tried to get rid of him but no luck. The elevator opened, tried to get rid of him but no luck. He got in and I turned around, flew into the stairwell, bolted up 6 flights of stairs, raced into my room, locked the door and didn’t come out for the rest of the night no matter how much I had to pee. . . and I had been drinking beer, damnit.
Hey Karen!
Sounds like you had a stalker crush following you around! Did you see him around campus after that? Awkward.
So, I guess a good night kiss or handie was out of the question? 🙂
Our vote goes to Bethie!! That’s what we Southern gals refer to as: Earning them-there tickets the hard way!!! (No pun intended Bethie 😉 <3 )! Now, as for the story: Inion has insisted upon me telling a story as she is still a…….(Mathair scratches her head & searches for the perfect word) a………ahem…well let's just say she hasn't gained experience as of yet! 😉 (Mathair looks at Inion who flags her off!!)
Now onto my most embarrassing sexual experience: Long, long, long, (keep your minds in the story not in the gutter!!) AGO, when Mathair was a single gal. She woke up one morning after a night out with her then, boyfriend (he who shall not be named). Still half asleep & eyes not yet opened. She heard her "nameless boyfriend" groan & could feel him staring over her uncomfortably.
"Natalie, your even beautiful in the morning!!"
I yawn & a slight smile spreads across my face as I reply without opening my eyes. "Thank you Trevor!"
"TREVOR??" "nameless" says shocked!
Now everyone's had that terrible moment when they're working on a half a brain from a full hangover & says the wrong name! What's embarrassing about that? Trevor was "nameless' life long best friend!
The next time Mathair woke up, Trevor would be speaking to her, not "nameless!"
Thanks for this horrid walk down memory lane Phil!! 😉
Hey Inion/Mathair!
Oh, I am sure Inion has no clue what this is all about and is as fair as the driven snow! 😉
Ha! Well at least you yelled out the correct name in the throes of ecstasy at least! That would have been a mood killer otherwise!
Well actually Phil, I am! (In a small sense of the word! lol) I have chosen to stay within the insanity walls of abstinence until I’m married which makes me a 27 year old Virgin! Coming from a feminist mother who preached women’s sexual independence & liberation & handed me a Cosmo at age 10, it’s strange to be sure, but it’s a choice I made and have kept! I know plenty about sex, thanks to Mathair who is very candid & VERY open, but have yet to find the guy to make it a sweet reality as of yet! Yeah, I know….FURRRRRREAAAK! But it’s how I feel & I’m a proud but stubborn Irish girl who won’t break!
Hey Inion!
I am impressed! Yes – FURRRRREAAAK too! 🙂
Hope you find the right dude to sweep you off your feet so you can comment here one day!
I know you have just been waiting all week to get this post up so you can laugh at our stories, Phil, you naughty boy! Okay I’ll spill but you can’t get me to NY just in case you wanna know. This is just for you. So……when I first met my future husband, I wanted to switch things up a bit in our sex life. I bought a few cans of Reddiwhip and some chocolate syrup. Once we were buck naked, we slathered that whip cream on each other and went to town. This….um….foreplay lasted quite awhile before we noticed a weird smell. A bad smell. Like vomit. Like something burped out of the mouth of hell. We quickly discovered that dairy products, when left on skin for any length of time, turns into a stinky, sour mess. We showered, but the smell was STILL on our skin. I had the bright idea to counteract the smell by rubbing chocolate all over our bodies. Okay, we had a little more fun again and the nasty smell magically disappeared. Hey, I got a marriage proposal out of it, so an hour of barf-smelling skin was totally worth it!
That was frigging hilarious girl. A nice naked body and vomit sundae…nice.
Think I threw up in my mouth a bit MJM.
Hey Mother!
Hahahaha! Yes, whipped cream when it gets warm and sour smelling can totally kill the mood! It’s like trying to have sex with a wedge of rotting cheese.
That must have been some magical chocolate to get him to pop the question, among popping something else!
I once saw this ass, from behind obviously, that was just pure perfection, the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. I was steady staring and having imaginations about what I would do to that ass if I ever had the chance. Then it happened! The person turned around and the ass I was fawning all over was attached to a man. As as straight man it was a blast to my masculinity, I started wondering if I myself was actually gay, but then I saw a hot chick and everything was alright again.
Hey MJM!
It’s one thing to drool over a hot ass by mistake, but what if that hot chick happened to be a shemale? Hmmmm……what would you think then?
This made me howl. LOL!
Hey Hazy!
A good ass is hard to find!
Well…I don’t live anywhere near NYC but since you asked…the time I was in college and was making out in the shower with this guy. He called me another chick’s name – I freaked and left the shower – he went to chase me, tripped on the lip of the shower and landed on his drunk ass face breaking his nose and bleeding as if a Law & Order scene was being filmed.
I really know how to pick them.
Hey Shitastrophy!
BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! That. Is. Awesome.
Nothing like a slip of the drunk ass tongue when in the middle of sex. Whoops! You sure you and Beth T weren’t dating the same guy?
OMG Alsyon, that’s hilarious!
Yes, but the question is did she still do the nasty with the guy? You know, as a mercy boink? What’s a little blood mixed in with sex? 🙂
Sounds like a hoot!! I saw a parody show of 50 Shades that was hilarious. I’m sure this would be similar!
Hey Brickhouse!
It’s so easy to parody that book. Just hand out ugly ties to everyone in the audience too! I can’t wait to see this show soon.
Why oh why can’t I live closer to NYC?! I believe my dick pic before a first date story would win….
Hey Cowboys!
Yes, a dick pic story is always a winner. Unless said penis is so small it doesn’t fit the screen!
Maybe that’s a good thing as it warns you for what might be in store if the date gets to that point. In that case send him a thumbs down pic and cancel!
YESSSSSS I love that idea, phil.
Hey Beth!
Maybe I should make this a monthly column!
Phil, I think you should make this a monthly column.
Years ago when I was living in the City, I had just returned from a weekend out of town. I stopped at a bar with a couple of friends and my purple overnight bag, strapped over a shoulder. We drank A LOT. While sucking down the drinks, I met this guy who had one of those faces that changes from handsome to ugly, depending upon the light.
I went back to his apartment. (At that point the lighting/drinking enhanced his looks). We started making out, he said something romantic and I ran to the bathroom and threw up. I was more intimate with the toilet than the guy whose face didn’t hold up well in the morning light.
Hey Lauren!
So I guess Mr Handsome Ugly did not get any that night? Well, a bowl full of vomit I guess if that counts. Nothing like some drunken sexcapades!
We all have so many bad stories I might be able to do a monthly column!
So, a bad date? Okay.
I called time Warm to set up cable in my first apartment. They sent two technicians. One of them was somewhat handsome and a bit if a flirt. And as a newly single lady, I welcomed the flirty banter. The cable guy told me I was living in great neighborhood and that he would love to show me around sometime. I said it sounded fun, but he took it as permission to get my phone number from the order number and call me immediately after the installation to ask me out to dinner. Stunned, I accepted. The rest of the night turned out to be the absolute worst date of my life. Highlights include:
– the white van he picked me up in
– the conversation that led to my finding out he had a criminal record for assault, owned a gun, had a gun shot wound (that he made me touch), was enrolled in anger management and was living in the country illegally because of “some bullshit” in Ecuador.
– cornered me in the van for a good night kiss that involved him humping the air.
I actually went on another date with him to “break up” with him since he had my address and I was terrified of him. I fed him every line in the book. It’s not you, it’s me. I’m not ready for a relationship. My heart is too broken. He had a reason to stay for all of them. So as a last resort, I told him I was pregnant with my ex’s baby and still loved him. That seemed to work…
Until a few months later while at a bar in my neighborhood. He walked in with a date and saw me slamming shots with a few ladies… his face though! He left the bar after giving me and my stomach a glare.
Lesson learned, don’t go on dates with guys that install your cable (unless you can get free cable…)
Hey Mo!
Oh. My. God.
So let’s get this straight –
He picked you up in the rapey van.
He got off on you feeling up his gunshot wound.
He was a potential ex-con homicidal maniac.
He was probably on the run from an Ecuadurian drug cartel.
He did some air humping while forcing his tongue down your throat.
Then you went on another date to break up this nut during the date?
Then you dropped the baby in your belly bomb on him? And got caught slamming shots in a bar by him?
Why do I feel like I’m watching an episode of Scandal? At least you got your cable installed out of it. If I were you I would have packed up and moved far away!
I was 24. I have learned quite a bit since then. And from that moment on, I sent txt messages politely saying I didn’t think we had potential as a couple. That and the classic fall off the face of the earth bit.
Texting does make it easy to run and hide nowadays!
Would you believe me if I said I didn’t have any embarrassing sex or worst date stories? Everything I have done to date was smoothly executed. LOL.
Okay – once a guy told me I had better pay because he didn’t like “cheap girls.” Umm…that was our one and only date!
Lame, I know…but oh, I so enjoyed reading everyone else’s fiascos. My tummy hurts from laughing!
Hey Hazy!
Glad you got a good laugh here at these dating and sex disasters!
Good to know you dumped Mr Cheapo after one date! I know a girl who went on a dinner date and at the end he pulled out a calculator to figure out to the penny how much each had to pay! Yeah, she laughed in his face and said see ya!
This sounds HILARIOUS!
There’s no way I’ll be able to go unless your prize includes hotel and airline tickets! 🙂
Thanks for bringing it to the party! I bet you’ll get all kinds of juicy details!
Mine? I went out on a date with a chubby guy as a favor to a friend. He wore polyester and took me out to dinner and then dancing. The problem? It was too early. We were the only ones on the dance floor. By then my date was flop-sweating. I was home by 10:30!
Hey Susie!
If I could afford that kind of contest I would make sure I win! 🙂
Thanks for letting me post at your party! Chubby guy dancing away in polyester? Sweating. Oh how sexy! At least it was an early ending to a perfect date!
Damn it! This is just one of the many reasons I need to visit NYC! This kind of play is right up my alley and sounds like a blast.
As for your fire related dating disaster? Can’t wait to hear all about it. You know I probably have a doozie or two hidden in my closet as well. LOL!
Hey Kitt!
If you lived here this would have been perfect for you!
I’m sure you have some sex and dating whoppers to tell. Another time, another post.
Hi Phil! Susie sent me over here and I’m glad she did! The play sounds amazing but I’ll have to settle for buying a ticket since my stories would fall flat in light of the others here. I may buy two tickets and take my daughter – this play would be right up her alley!
I see you posting on so many blogs that I follow, I thought it was time I checked out your blog. Lots of fun! My Hubs is from NYC so I’ll enjoy reading all you write on ‘the city’ and passing it along to him.
Hello! Loved this, if I was anywhere near NY I would go for it, though I think Beth has me beat. LOL
Anyway, I’m over here from Susie’s blog. Nice to meet you!
Hey Jackie!
Glad you enjoyed this fun post! Thanks for dropping by from Susie’s party. She rocks. I’m sure you might have a few fun stories yourself!
Holy crap. I agree that you should make this a monthly column and that Beth should win. Or the rapey van person. Yikes.
So I’m not in NYC so couldn’t go but let’s see. I’ve had some pretty awful dates. Oh here’s one. So my step mom set me up with this dude, who sent me his photo and told me he was 6′ tall. We were going to go see this live band, and I met him there. It was hard to find him since he was actually like 5’3″ and wearing a stupid-looking cowboy hat. Anyway, I found him, we said hi to each other and his first words after hello was that he was relieved that it seemed I have a decent ass. As the band started to play, we got up to dance in the middle and I found out that he’d also met another date there because he wasn’t sure we’d both show up. He had no shame in this. So I told him I was leaving and he asked if I wanted to come to his apartment the following evening so we could be alone. What a dumbass. I said no.
Another time, I was on a date (with somebody else) and we ran into my ex boyfriend who I THOUGHT I was friendly-enough with. They spent the whole time talking about me. It sucked.
Hey Kristi,
I just might make this a monthly thing. Depends on how much everyone will divulge!
Oh no. The parental set-up. Maybe his hat added on 9 inches? (insert bad dick joke here) At least it sounds like you have a decent ass! What a moron.
As for that other date maybe those two should have gotten a room! 😉
The play sounds hilarious, I would go to that in a heartbeat.
Hey Mary!
Any funny dating or sex story to tell here? 🙂
Love this! My husband thinks I just barely lost my virginity in my previous marriage and I don’t want to make him cry soooooo let’s see….
I was dating this guy who was quite a bit older than me and one night while kissing goodbye very early in our dating relationship he moved my hand to his penis which was the SMALLEST penis ever… Even in my limited experience I knew it was tiny…. And said “When we doink (yes, he said doink) you will think it’s just the right size.” Wrong! No “doinking”, no dating, no calling anymore. We are “doinking” done here!
Btw, Susie sent me. 🙂
Hey Stephanie!
Thanks so much for dropping by! Susie is a cool lady!
Hey Stephanie!
LOL! I guess size does matter when doinking is involved. Especially if said penis is the size of a cocktail weenie! Thanks for sharing this “tiny” adventure!
Hope your hubby doesn’t read this!
This is so cool! I just read the “doink” above and I laughed really hard! LOL HAHAH
Hey Ben!
No doinking with a small pee pee I guess. Stephanie’s rule!
Ah the things people will reveal for a free ticket? Hehe.
No, seriously good on you all for being good sports. There are some great tales here.
I won’t reveal anything of my exploits on the internet. However reading this page reminds me of the “penguin” scene in Ally McBeal which I found to be hilarious.
Hey Guy!
Some people do have some funny sexcapades that’s for sure! My readers have been good sports here delivering the goods!
Ha! Ha! I’m not spilling the beans Phil. Naughty, naughty. I’ll leave that for my own blog LOL!
This is an excellent post though and such a shame that I’m no where near the American shores as I’m in Germany…Ah well. This show will surely sell out in Berlin as we’re the European equivalent of New York and our selling point is tolerance, sexxxx, party ’till the cows come home, budget prices, art, culture, and internet-start-ups (OK. perhaps not NY then!) Our Lord Mayor is gay and we’re proud of it. There’s no need to be in the closet or otherwise, in my town baby!
Hey Victoria!
Oh, you naughty tease! One day I definitely need to come party in your country!
You got that right!
Come Phil. Come on down to the European shores of yore!
Definitely check out my new post where I reveal one of mine!
I wait in intense anticipation!
This show sounds hysterical! Equally as funny reading through your comments;-)
Hey Jess!
Glad you got a laugh! It was a fun post to put up. Everyone has been open and funny with their dark secrets!