It’s inevitable. You are out and about in NYC. Shopping, sightseeing, at a restaurant, relaxing in Central Park, stuck waiting on a subway platform, having drinks in a bar, or just walking around the city streets. It comes on all of a sudden. That feeling from deep inside. You feel the pressure building. Your body informs you that it is time whether you like it or not. Doesn’t matter where you are or what you are doing. Your body betrays you. You try to pretend it’s not there. This is not happening. Not – Right – Now! You panic as you realize there is no place close by to go. You need instant relief. You start to get all flushed as the sweat perspires on your body. You shake and shimmy to hold it in. There is no recourse. No time to wait. The #2 is gonna happen whether you are ready or not.
Time to drop off the kids at the pool! Time to lay some cable! Time to pinch a loaf!
IT’S TIME TO TAKE A DUMP IN NYC!
Hey, we have all been there at one time or another. It’s a natural fact of life that one must relieve themselves on a regular basis. It happens to be a conundrum we all face living in NYC, and also a dilemma we all secretly fear when it comes to being forced to poop when out in public. How come it always seems to happen right after leaving your apartment? Or worse yet, when getting on a long subway ride? Or a woman’s worst nightmare – when out on a hot date! Problem is when in comes to NYC there are a blatant lack of usable public bathrooms to service the millions of people who live and work here. Many a time it becomes a race for survival as we scurry around in blind terror trying to find a toilet!
Let’s start with the obvious. Make a dash into the nearest Starbucks and hope they have a bathroom open to the public. Most do, and many times there is always a line of people waiting for it. Not good if you are on the point of explosion. Still, there are so many of these locations you can usually find one to use. I refer to Starbucks as the “unofficial NYC toilet” as you really don’t even have to make a purchase to use them. Just be aware that everyone knows this and their bathrooms can be on the “unkempt to nasty abomination” side at times.
Yet, what to do when none are nearby? Well, if you have a membership at New York Sports Clubs to use all of the locations these are a great spot to go. If you are in the midtown area Macy’s is a decent choice but never use the lower lever bathrooms. They are pretty much disgusting and really should be firebombed. Go to the upper level lavatory if you can hold it in that long. Bloomingdales has some nice crappers that put Macy’s to shame. Penn Station/Amtrak is a decent pit stop. Another couple of secret type of locations that no one thinks of is Tiffany’s or Henri Bendels. Yup, you can be all fancy-schmancy while popping a squat at these upscale shops. Another good spot is the Hyatt hotel next to Grand Central Station. After entering saunter to the back and act like you are staying there to use their clean facilities. Heck, even Grand Central itself has bathrooms downstairs by the food court. Other spots that have public bathrooms are Old Navy, Barnes & Noble, and The Container Store – all pretty decent actually when in full dump mode.
If you are out in the wide open spaces you might be in trouble though when your body goes all five-alarm fire “get it out now”! One good spot are the public bathrooms at Bryant Park which are well kept. Also, there are around 20 public restroom locations in and around Central Park, so if you are anywhere near there enjoying a day outside you are in extreme luck. There have been many times over the years that I have had to run for my life or face the inevitable. Check out this website – NYRestroom.com – and keep it handy as one day it might save your ass, and clean underwear!
So, where do you run in to go when the feeling strikes? Any secret spots you can divulge? Have you had any bathroom disasters worth mentioning? Inquiring minds want to know!