Overall, I am a pretty patient and tolerant guy. I can put up with a lot, and often let things slide. It helps keep the stress levels low, and the blood pressure in a safe zone. There are times though that I am seconds away from becoming a flight risk! I like people. I really do. Yet at times they really test my patience. Sometimes I think the gene pool has not been too kind to some of these lunkheads. I run into these people in all walks of life – in the gym, at the store, at work, out on the street, you name it! They are everywhere, and I am sure many of us have experienced these “special people” first hand. Here’s a quick sampling I decided to embellish on as I ran into a few already today!
– What is up with people who get to the register then take 15 minutes to dig through their pockets or purse to try and find a way of paying?
Then, they want to ask a million stupid questions while holding up everyone behind them. Of course, this always seems to happen when you are in a rush, or really need to hit the bathroom!
– What is up with the old guys in the gym locker rooms who are fat and out of shape but feel the need to let their junk swing everywhere?
They come out of the steam room or shower, and will proceed to talk with you in the nasty buff. Or sit on a bench naked and take their sweet time getting ready.
I mean really grandpa, cover up and have a little humility. No one, I mean NO ONE, wants to see your saggy naked ass in their face!
– What is up with co-workers who try to prepare a three-course meal in the mini kitchen using the only microwave available and the water cooler?
You’re at work. Bring a damn sandwich, salad, or easy to prepare ready to eat microwave meal. The rest of us are getting impatient waiting for you to get the heck out of our way!
– What is up with people who don’t see you are standing on a line patiently waiting?
No matter if I am in a grocery, the deli, theater, bar, bathroom, etc, there is always some douchenozzle who conveniently tries to ignore the line and cut right up front. These people deserve a beating.
– What is up with the throng of co-workers who like clockwork every winter attack you with requests to buy Girl Scout cookies?
It’s like all of a sudden I have 20 people asking me to buy boxes of these cookies for their daughters, nieces, granddaughters, neighbor’s kid, and any other child they associate with who are hawking for Girl Scouts. You all know I can’t resist those damn delicious thin mints! Now they have a new Mango Cream cookie? No one is safe. Kill me now.
– What is up with the strangers always wanting to strike up a conversation with me when I am minding my own business?
It happens everywhere. I could be reading the paper, working out, waiting for a subway, in the diner, even listening to my ipod with my earbuds in. Hello –STFU! I don’t want to talk to you!
– What is it with people always asking me for money?
I must have a friendly face or something. Maybe I have a sign on my head that says “beggar money magnet”. Three dozen people will walk by, ignore them, and then they single me out to harass for change.
– What is up with personal trainers that look one cheeseburger away from a heart attack?
Maybe it’s just me, but I would never trust a trainer who looks like they don’t work out, lift weights, do cardio, are fat and soft, or just too damn skinny with little muscle tone. Same goes for people who sell gym memberships. Hit the weights. Look the damn part people!
– What is up with daylight savings time?
Do we really need it anymore? The federal government doesn’t require U.S. states or territories to observe daylight saving time. Arizona and Hawaii, along with Puerto Rico, the Virgin Islands, and a bunch of others don’t mess with their clocks. I’m so over it.
Some days I wish I would have just stayed home in bed!