Well, here we go again. Off on a biz trip and jet-setting to wonderfully fabulous glitzy Las Vegas! Yeah, I wish. I’m actually sitting on a crowded flight on my way to steamy hot humid Florida to attend a convention and then spend a few days with the parental units. Accompanying us on this plane is the demon child from Hades. I need a stiff drink already.
You know, Florida, the clown car of a state that if the Jerry Springer show had invented it would be a perfect setting for the next Sharnado movie. Heck, I like the cheesy Sharknado movies. The next one should be based in Disney World, and have flying sharks and zombies attacking and eating the tourists. B-list guest stars like Shaq, Snoop Dog, the Olsen Twins, the crew of The Love Boat, and The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills all get devoured or help save the day. Even a drunken John Stamos shows up in a cameo to get pulled over with another DUI, and gets swallowed whole by a Great White as he is doing the drunk “walk the line” test. Yet, I kid Florida. I kid. Hey, if not for Florida and Vegas the show COPS would have never existed. That there’s quality programming folks.
As my job requires, I travel frequently on biz trips for visit clients or attend conventions. I like travelling and it offers me a chance to see and explore different cities all across this country. Beats the heck out of a 9-5 office job where you’re stuck behind a desk each and every day until you die. Even after all these years I still enjoy what I do. Except for the few moments as I am experiencing right now. My flight was delayed about an hour because the demon child sitting in front of me actually broke the food tray and we had to go back to the gate to get it fixed. Thankful to be on JetBlue with Sirius/XM radio (Octane/Hair Nation – rocking out) and free WiFi at 30,000 feet to get through this torment. This kid won’t sit still or shut up, and his dad is useless. It’s ridiculous! He is trying to break it again. Does anyone have some duct tape and rope to secure this little monster? Did they feed this kid a gallon of coffee and a vat of sugar before boarding?
He. Won’t. Shut. Up. Or stop bouncing around in his seat. Or yelling out loud. Or leaning over to stare at me. His dad is sitting across from him and is of no help just yelling back. His whole family in the two rows in front of me can’t control him. He is the only kid on this flight that is acting like the “Spawn from Hell”. All the other kids are behaving beautifully and watching the free TV channels offered by JetBlue. This kid is a little monster. I would assume they are headed to Disney. I feel sorry for them, and anyone else who will have to endure this torment. It’s moments like these where I really appreciate being child free and still have my sanity. I almost want to go into the bathroom and hide out there in peace until we land.
Only one more hour to go. Looking at the weather report it’s 93 degrees out in Orlando and totally disgusting at only noon. Way too hot for me. Guess I’m looking at a week of sweat and swamp ass coming up. I’m wishing it was Winter already, LOL! At least mom hooked us up with hotel rooms to party at the Tampa Hard Rock Casino this weekend coming up. Cold beer, cigars with dad, buffets, and gambling action with my mom on the penny slots. Don’t laugh, as she has the luck of a leprechaun and wins all the time. She is a penny high roller. God bless her. I lose every time I play them. Maybe I’ll just give mom my cash instead and watch her go nuts.
Hopefully, no demon children will be there to torment us.