Up in the air at 30,000 feet with a demon child!

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Well, here we go again. Off on a biz trip and jet-setting to wonderfully fabulous glitzy Las Vegas! Yeah, I wish. I’m actually sitting on a crowded flight on my way to steamy hot humid Florida to attend a convention and then spend a few days with the parental units. Accompanying us on this plane is the demon child from Hades. I need a stiff drink already.

You know, Florida, the clown car of a state that if the Jerry Springer show had invented it would be a perfect setting for the next Sharnado movie. Heck, I like the cheesy Sharknado movies. The next one should be based in Disney World, and have flying sharks and zombies attacking and eating the tourists. B-list guest stars like Shaq, Snoop Dog, the Olsen Twins, the crew of The Love Boat, and The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills all get devoured or help save the day. Even a drunken John Stamos shows up in a cameo to get pulled over with another DUI, and gets swallowed whole by a Great White as he is doing the drunk “walk the line” test. Yet, I kid Florida. I kid. Hey, if not for Florida and Vegas the show COPS would have never existed. That there’s quality programming folks.

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As my job requires, I travel frequently on biz trips for visit clients or attend conventions. I like travelling and it offers me a chance to see and explore different cities all across this country. Beats the heck out of a 9-5 office job where you’re stuck behind a desk each and every day until you die. Even after all these years I still enjoy what I do. Except for the few moments as I am experiencing right now. My flight was delayed about an hour because the demon child sitting in front of me actually broke the food tray and we had to go back to the gate to get it fixed.  Thankful to be on JetBlue with Sirius/XM radio (Octane/Hair Nation – rocking out) and free WiFi at 30,000 feet to get through this torment. This kid won’t sit still or shut up, and his dad is useless. It’s ridiculous! He is trying to break it again. Does anyone have some duct tape and rope to secure this little monster? Did they feed this kid a gallon of coffee and a vat of sugar before boarding?

He. Won’t. Shut. Up.  Or stop bouncing around in his seat. Or yelling out loud. Or leaning over to stare at me. His dad is sitting across from him and is of no help just yelling back. His whole family in the two rows in front of me can’t control him. He is the only kid on this flight that is acting like the “Spawn from Hell”. All the other kids are behaving beautifully and watching the free TV channels offered by JetBlue. This kid is a little monster. I would assume they are headed to Disney. I feel sorry for them, and anyone else who will have to endure this torment. It’s moments like these where I really appreciate being child free and still have my sanity. I almost want to go into the bathroom and hide out there in peace until we land.

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Only one more hour to go.  Looking at the weather report it’s 93 degrees out in Orlando and totally disgusting at only noon. Way too hot for me. Guess I’m looking at a week of sweat and swamp ass coming up. I’m wishing it was Winter already, LOL! At least mom hooked us up with hotel rooms to party at the Tampa Hard Rock Casino this weekend coming up. Cold beer, cigars with dad, buffets, and gambling action with my mom on the penny slots. Don’t laugh, as she has the luck of a leprechaun and wins all the time. She is a penny high roller. God bless her. I lose every time I play them. Maybe I’ll just give mom my cash instead and watch her go nuts.

Hopefully, no demon children will be there to torment us.

28 thoughts on “Up in the air at 30,000 feet with a demon child!”

  1. Monster children in areas where you can’t get away from there are the worst! My condolences, Phil. Here’s hoping the leprechauns will take a little pity on you and bestow you with penny slot winnings. And if that doesn’t work, just ask Mom to share her pot of gold. Enjoy the trip!

    1. Hey Jessica!

      No pots of gold on this trip but it was a good one overall. As for those kids on planes they’re not all bad. It’s the parents who are to blame for the bad ones.

  2. Loved the sharkbait B-listers! And you have my sympathies. We just spent three hours from hell being tortured on a train by your plane demon-spawn’s evil twin.

  3. Ah the joys of business travel, hehe. I can certainly share your appreciation for a job that travels. I like the variation and changing scenery it brings. You do seem to have quite a few Florida and Vegas trips though? Hmm, think I need a few of those business trips 🙂

    Sorry to hear this flight didn’t work out so well. That kid sounds quite strong to break the table. As for the father, well I think he needs to see that Frost Super Nanny lady. If kids misbehave on flights you need to give them some distraction. Yelling is just not going to work.

    I love all the pictures and text.

    1. Hey Guy!

      Yeah, I travel to a bunch of cities here with large convention centers. Dallas is my next big trip in the Fall.

      This kid would have made that Super Nanny jump out of the plane. Without a parachute!

  4. Now you KNOW I would have been smacking that kid upside the head until it shut up. No patience for children, especially on flights!

    Enjoy the swamp ass btw. Please don’t bring that terrible weather back to NY.

    1. Hey Kristy!

      I heard it was swamp ass weather here too that week.

      I can picture you babysitting a group of these kids. I am sure you would love that!

  5. I really like your love/hate relationships with Florida. Sorry that you had to spend your flight with the kid from hell. Sometimes you wonder why those little monster don’t come with a mute button.

    1. Hey Mitzie!

      Florida is a strange land. Plus, it’s way too hot for me. I like the cold. I felt like I was melting there all week in 95 degree weather.

  6. There are times where I think to myself, “I do still want my own kids.” But then some asshole kid comes along and I end up thanking the good Lord above us for birth control and a faulty reproductive system.

    Besides, if we HAD kids that would mean less traveling and less alcohol consumption. Where’s the fun in that?!

  7. I have to fly out to the west coast in August for a personal trip and am hoping to avoid kids like this on the plane(s). I just won’t be wanting to deal with that. My luck, though, I’ll get the little one who feels he needs to kick the back of my seat the whole trip.

  8. I always make sure I get an exit row seat in the front of the plane. I fly enough that it’s a free upgrade for me, but even if there’s a slight upcharge, it’s totally worth it. Because in addition to the extra leg, there are NO KIDS THERE, since they’re not allowed to sit in that row to begin with.

    At least you got through it with your sanity, I can definitely sympathize..

    1. Hey Sujeet!

      I wish we could upgrade to planes where kids weren’t allowed on!

      I still won’t pay for or use an upgrade on an emergency exit seat. Just a few years ago they were normal priced like the rest of the seats. Now they blatently rip us off for them. It’s the principal of it all. I won’t do it.

      Fuuny thing on this flight almost all those seats were empty!

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