As a follow up to my ticket giveaway on a recent post “Win FREE tickets to Sex Tips For Straight Women From A Gay Man In NYC” I promised I would pick the winner on Sunday night while also digging into a bit of my sordid dating history and divulging one of my past dating disasters. I actually have quite a few to choose from but since this is not an X-rated blog I must temper myself and pick one that would not get me arrested. So here goes my tale of woe, followed by the lucky ticket winner.
Back in a time long ago and in a land far far away (Long Island) there lived a young bloke who had quite an active dating life. Yeah, I was a bit of a player back then, and was always up to meeting new girls to date. Love em’ and leave em’. Sometimes the scoundrel in me got his comeuppance for being such a douchebag at times. Yeah, this was one of them that I will never forget. It all started when I answered a dating site ad. At that time it was before all the online dating sites took off and people placed “looking for love” ads in special sections of the newspapers and local Pennysaver type papers that were delivered to our mailboxes. Well, I decided to give this a shot and boy oh boy did I come up with a winner.
Let’s just call her Sally as I don’t even remember her name anymore. I replied to her ad with my own message. I sent her a pic of me. She sent me a messsage with no pic but assured me she was a looker. I should have heeded the warnings right away. We exchanged numbers and talked a bit over the phone and decided to go on a date into the city. At that time I hated the suburbs as Long Island is totally boring and NYC is a place I found myself heading into on the weekends. Plus, it’s a great way to impress a chick on a date!
We agreed to meet at the train station in Ronkonkoma. I was waiting on the platform when I saw this gal walking towards me from a distance yelling out my name. No, not just once, but SCREAMING out my name over and over until she realized it was me waving her over. As she approached the shock of what I got myself into became abundantly clear. She was a rocker chick, which is cool to me, but she looked like the female version of Dee Snider of Twisted Sister. Dressed in black leather, denim, heavy makeup, and a lion’s mane of frizzy hair of which looked like it held a whole can of Aqua Net in it. Good God! As I went to say hello she wrapped her arms around me in a bear hug and SHOVED her tongue down my throat. I was more shocked than anything, and even though she was not as tall as me and on the skinny side this chick had me locked in like the jaws of life!
As the train arrived and we took our seats I momentarily considered jumping out of the train. I decided to make the best of it and enjoy the evening. Made small talk and asked about her life, job, interests, etc. She talked a mile a minute and was saying things that made me wonder if she was off her meds or something. I should have known it was going to be bad when she told me her ex-boyfriend was in jail. Along with her dad. She also jumped into my lap halfway there to be closer to me as she knew I was “the one” and she didn’t want to let me out of her sight. She even licked my face. GULP!!!
We hit Manhattan and headed downtown to do a bit of bar hopping. Maybe plowing this girl with booze was a bad idea. Now, I don’t mind at all when a girl is into me and gets amorous but she was all over me the whole time. I just could not get the thought of making out with Dee Snider off my brain everytime she lunged at me. I figured maybe getting something to eat would be a good idea at this point so we hit up a restaurant down in the Village. It goes from bad to worse. As we were sitting there in a crowed place she was slurring away and kept leaning over the table to hear what I was saying, or trying to kiss me. There was a lit candle in the middle of the table. As I was talking and buttering some bread all of a sudden I heard “whoosh” and looked up to see my date’s hair had CAUGHT FIRE! Yup, all that hairspray went up in flames. I quickly threw my water over her head and patted her down to extinguish the flames. Luckily she did not burn her skin, but have you ever smelled burnt human hair? Yuck. Also, all her makeup was running at this point. Let’s just say we did not finish dinner as bits of hair were everywhere in our food, the table, the floor, and just about all over. Time to head back home and escape this nightmare!
Oh, that ride home was something else as I was sitting next to my semi-drunk date with half burned off hair and smeared clown makeup. At one point she tried to kiss me and as I pushed her away she THREW UP all over the seat. Oh yeah, this 90 minute ride became the train trip from Hell! As we finally departed I made sure she was ok and said my goodbye. She actually thought we had a great time and wanted to come back to my place! OH HELLZ NO! That was the last thing I wanted, and just the thought of it conjured up nightmares as she told me she would rock my world in bed. No way was I going to do the nasty with Dee Snider covered in vomit, bad makeup, and burned hair. I still get the willies thinking about it. No way! Not happening!
Needless to say I never saw her again after that night. Hopefully, she is doing better nowadays, and that her hair grew back. I dodged a bullet on that one. Also, never did another blind date ad again. I learned my lesson.
Now on to the winner that was chosen by random. To make this all fair I went onto the website Random.org, assigned numbers and plugged in the entrants, then hit the random number generator button.
Aaaaaaand the winner issssssss??????
Monique R and her rapey van cable guy homicidal maniac air humper date! Congrats to the winner and I’ll be contacting you with the details on how to get the tickets.
Thanks again to all who posted and participated. You’re all great sports for commenting.