So, now I know what it means to enter the dark world that is Jerry Springer’s mind. If he had a bar in NYC this would be it. I am a big fan of dive bars, and truly love hanging out in them, but The Patriot is something special. It’s the kind of bar that borders on cartoonish imagery to the dark recesses of someone’s twisted psyche.
Cheap beer. Effing. Cheap. Beer. Cheap effing drinks. Some cheap bar food too – burgers, wings, hot dogs. Did I mention this place is cheap to drink at? Cheap!
Bra’s and panties hanging off the walls and ceiling. Yee Haw!
Pinball machine, pool tables upstairs, killer jukebox, divey decor, and goofy weird stuff like an alligator on a surfboard suspended from the rafters. All that’s needed is a monster truck parked outside and mud wrestling pit to complete the ambiance.
The bathroom is the portal to Hell and every STD known to human existence. No, seriously, it’s a dive bar bathroom that puts some of the worst I have ever been at to shame. Calling the bathroom here disgusting and gross is actually paying it a compliment. It’s a blessing being a dude as we can stand and not touch anything to take a pee. If you are a girl I truly feel sorry for you. If you have to do the #2 then “the hover” is the only option. Do not let anything touch human flesh while in it!
Country music and southern fried rock playing all day long. Think Alabama, Lynyrd Skynyrd, The Outlaws, and Molly Hatchet. All AMURRICA here baby!
Cute-ish sexy tattooed female bartenders that look a bit like they either want to call you “sweetie”, make out with you while smoking a cigarette, or shank you in the back when you’re not looking. Or all the above. Choose wisely, as you take your life into your own hands here.
When we walked up I noticed a sign outside proclaiming, “Shameless Slut Bartenders Wanted – Inquire Within.” Inside scattered about a few tables the “talent” or “victims” were filling out job applications.
It was early in the evening, and the place was kind of empty save for a few of the regulars that look like they could have actually been on the Jerry Springer show. We still had a few more bars to hit and the night was young, so we just had a few PBR’s, a shot of Jamesons, and admired the trashy dive decor. Grimy, dirty, smelly, and beaten down with shattered dreams of hope and wobegone optimism of all the youth that have worked here or passed through these doors. I love a good dive bar. I don’t know why but I love this bar. Southern fried honky tonk love. It’s so wrong but it feels so right. I was told that late night into the wee hours plenty of debauchery goes on here.
I moved in the following week. I think I need a tetanus shot.
The Patriot Saloon –
http://www.yelp.com/biz/the-patriot-saloon-new-york?sort_by=date_desc
Why do I have the urge to watch Coyote Ugly after reading this? I can’t imagine what’s stopping me from hopping right back on that plane and heading for NYC. Oh, yeah — “If you are a girl I truly feel sorry for you. If you have to do the #2 then “the hover” is the only option. Do not let anything touch human flesh while in it!” That would be it…
Hey Barb!
Sometimes in life the hover is the only viable option! There are some things that ass cheeks should never touch.
This joint has “Redneck” written all over it!
I love it!
Hey Fearless!
I little bit of white trash redneckery in NYC for sure!
this place is awesome. I hit this bar up every time I go to NYC. We pulled up in a limo and dam didn’t we have fun.
Oh man – you and I have such similar taste! I haven’t been in a while, but this actually used to be one of my favorites. Now, it is a little far away from where I live to go regularly, but I’ve had some fun, crazy nights at the Patriot Saloon!
So my story about this place is that maybe 5-7 years ago, there was a female bartender who, if she liked you and it was your birthday, could somehow hold small b-day candles with her – ehem – well, with her nipples. We’d sing, and the birthday person would blow out the candles.
Hey Dave!
From what I have heard that’s a nightly occurrence here. Not that it’s a bad thing!
Awesome!! Sounds like a bar that would do very well here in Dallas. I love the Hank Williams Jt bobble head on the bar.
Hey Holli!
Considering it has Redneck written all over it I bet it would! Country music and Lonestar beer and some tasty BBQ would make it perfect.
I L-O-V-E dive bars. My husband and I, before kids, would always try to find them, and the dirtier and grimier the better. After a night of bar tending at a restaurant, the staff would all leave and head to a place called 777 club…because that was the address (they weren’t clever) where the same bartender would take care of us every time. She was one of those that you mentioned, pretty face, but clearly rough around the edges. I loved her though because she always had a heavy pour when I ordered a Cap’n and coke. A few years ago, I was christmas shopping, and out of nowhere, I heard this raspy voice almost whispering, “Do I know you?” I looked at the person behind the voice and could not for the life of me remember how I knew her but knew that I did in fact know her. Turns out, it was my bartender. Funny that I didn’t recognize her because she hadn’t aged a bit. She was still that same pretty face with a raspy voice.
Hey Mandi!
I have a soft spot for grimy dive bars. They are way more fun. There always seems to be one of those types of bartenders at every one of them, man or woman. Plus, they are way more cheaper to drink at!
BTW, I’ve been meaning to as you…do you ever go to The Pig and Whistle? That was mind and my husband’s favorite bar that we found the first few times we visited NY. Mainly because when they found out we were Texans, they poured us fat shots of Patron and by fat, I mean they came in a rocks glass.
And apparently, I need to take a typing class. Sorry for those typos…*facepalm*
Ha! No biggie. Typos in comments don’t count. Like calories on vacation.
Hey Mandi!
Yeah, I have been there a few times. Another good bar in NYC!
Any bar that sells Lonestar beer…is definitely a redneck dive bar…take it from me..I am the queen of dive bars! I’ve been so drunk in bars like that, that hovering quickly turns into a wet ass from falling my intoxicated self in…that’s what you get for lifting the lid and trying to pop a squat after a pitcher of Guinness and two shots. Wish I could fill out an application there! lol
Hey Stephanie!
OMG! Hahahaha! That is awesome. I have been drunk in way too many bars like this to remember.
I could call that place HOME! Reminds me of where I spend a good number of years hanging with friends in the MatSu Valley in Alaska. 😀
Hey Terrye!
Sounds like you and your friends hung out in some fun bars! I bet you all got drunk and rode moose too. 🙂
Is this the place that Coyote Ugly was based off of or is it a rip off?
Hey Jessica!
I think it’s a knock off but I don’t think they dance on the bars here. Unless they’re really drunk. Which is a possibility.
Alrighty then. I think I’ll pass on this one, although it would be fun to see that alligator on a surf board. Should have taken a picture of that, Phil.
Until next time – be safe out there.
Patricia Rickrode
w/a Jansen Schmidt
Hey Patricia!
Oh, have some fun! Get in there, have a few shots, and ride that gator!
I don’t think I’m brave enough to go in this place just because I’m a girl and I’m sure I’d have to go in the bathroom and it sounds a smidge scary!
Hey Emily!
Go in, slam down a drink, and then run back to your hotel room. No hover needed!
Coyote Ugly…but Dirty as Hell.
sounds like your kind of place, Phil. You know, with the tattooed chicks and all.
x
Hey Kim!
Dirty, grimy, sleazy, cheap, and divey. All my favorite things in a bar.
This is so entertaining. I want to see it with my own eyes.
The tetanus shot was a good move.
Hey Lillian!
If you do you’ll get a good laugh, or be amazed that it’s real. I think I need another booster shot.
The quintessential dive bar, gotta love it. Love Molly Hatchet and cheap drinks. I may need to go in with a catheter though, cause I don’t mind Flirtin’ with Disaster but I would not enter that bathroom under any circumstances.
Hey Karen!
Just make sure you take a dump at home or at a Starbucks before you head in here, then have some fun with cheap drinking!
Hi Phil – Sorry I’ve been MIA. I had to take a break from blogging. Just a lot of shit going on.
I love dive bars but the bathroom you described sounds rather gnarly. Maybe one day someone will invent a hovercrap that you can take with you.
Hey Lauren!
Good to see you back. Hope you got all your shit sorted out.
Now that sounds like a million dollar idea! Trademark “The Hovercrap” as soon as you can.
This bar looks like it would fit in well where I live 🙂 That is cheap beer however, which is always great! Not sure about the bathroom though, yuck….
Hey Foodie!
We all love a cool fun spot with cheap booze! Nasty bathrooms and all.
I must visit this place. I love an old dive bar and this seems like an experience I must have. Heck with guidebooks — those looking for fun when visiting NYC should go no further than your blog!
Hey PJ!
Thanks. I can tell you about dozens of places to hit up in NYC! Lots of fun spots.
Oh my. I’m afraid I can’t hang out here, Phil. You’re description of the bathrooms just sent me over the edge! ;0)
Hey Hazy!
Just hold it in! That or take your chances in the Sex Room! 🙂
The real deal people, is that the owner of Coyote Ugly was a bartender at the original Village Idiot. She capitalized on Tommy’s vision and ruined it. So did Hogs and Heiffers. I love Tommy McNiel, the owner, and I’ve known him since I was a kid. The Village Idiot, the original one, was a place for a Hell’s Kitchen tough guy like me, to get away from my street life and listen to country music. And none of my maniac friends knew where I was. Tommy always took care of me and believe me, nobody ever fucked with him or his place.