What is the deal with some people and their lunchtime eating habits? Here in NYC we are surrounded by places to eat lunch from delis, to bodegas, restaurants, and fast food. One of the most common during the workdays that many of us frequent are the multi-station delis with the hot and cold pay by the pound buffets. Nothing wrong with this as I enjoy getting my lunch off of these throughout the week, and I can mix and match whatever strikes my fancy at the time. Except when I have to deal with the general public and the nasty things I see them do around these food stations. Just a few examples of what we encounter on a daily basis when out foraging for a lunch meal –
1) The inconsiderate jerk who sneezes into the food. Nothing grosses me out more than when I see someone sneeze right onto the open food stations and doesn’t even bother to cover their nose. It’s like a watching a high power water sprinkler blast everything with mucus spray and disease. I swear this is how everyone will become infected and start the zombie apocalypse. It won’t start at some CDC center or faraway land. It will begin in the tray of baked salmon and soba noodles at my local deli.
2) The slob that can’t seem to choose their food without touching everything. With their bare hands. Fingers that seem to find a way to poke into every tray they use tongs or spoons to get their food with. You just know these are the same people that pick their noses, and never wash their hands after using the bathroom. Yummers! Traces of human feces add quite the flavoring to the Ceasar salad and pesto pasta I was about to eat.
3) The sauntering idiot that won’t move. Move. Move. MOVE! What are you doing? Why do you have to get in my way by everything I am trying to choose from? I’m starving! It’s like some of these morons are trying to figure out a Rubix Cube of food options. They stand there in front of the roast turkey slices or baked ziti as if studying Egyptian Hieroglyphics. It’s not rocket science you brainfart. Just pick something and MOVE!
4) The gluttonous monster that eats everything in it’s path. Meaning everything that I wanted for lunch. This person seems to have the uncanny ability to scoop up the last remaining morsels of anything I was looking to eat. They seem to make a beeline right to the tray of food I was headed for and cut me off before I have a chance. Of course, they pile their plate or takeout container three feet high with all that was left in the tray. Ugh! Guess I’ll just have a sandwich instead. I hope you choke and vomit on yourself!
What’s even worse is when you encounter a few of these animals at the same time. I have had days when some douchenozzle sneezes on the food, and another one touches it, while some other gets in my way, and then another scarfs up whatever is left that I wanted. On these days I just give up and defeated head over to Subway. If Jared is in my way he will catch a beating!
If only we were allowed to smack strangers upside the head with no repercussion. That would be so glorious. Some do really deserve it. Don’t mess with my food!