The Human Draino of fast foods. Time to drop a weight class!

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Yes, sometimes you crave processed mystery meat burgers, grease laden onion rings, and something that resembles french fries, and nothing will stop oneself from attaining this type of meal and stuffing it down your gourd. No matter how much self discipline you think you have, and the intellect to realize that this is not an endeavor that you should really be partaking in, all sensibilities get thrown out the window as you happily shove that 7th or 8th burger into your mouth.  Yes, White Castle will do this to a person like some mind control experiment gone horribly wrong.

As a group of us were sitting on the back patio of the Gaslight  Pub one summer night enjoying many beers and shots at a get together thrown by a friend the indescribable feeling of hunger grew from within, and before we knew it, there was a mad dash across the street to the amazingly located White Castle. How ridiculous it is that this place is right across the street from a pub that will allow you to bring in outside food. Yes – winning!

downloadThe actual store is pretty clean, super bright, and lit up like a Christmas tree or Las Vegas casino. It’s a giant night light that acts as a beacon to draw in the drunken starving masses such as ourselves. The counter staff was easy to work with and the food was served up hot and fast. No one even batted an eye when I ordered the Crave Case. Seriously, I could have eaten this whole box of meat destruction by myself if I did not have to go back to the bar and share it. Don’t judge – I have no shame! I am not an animal!!!

Kind of appropriate that this place is on Queens Blvd, otherwise known as the “Boulevard Of Death” for all the fatalities that have happened on this road over the years. Fitting, as I had the “Bowel Movement Of Death” the morning after eating all this – burgers, onion rings, fries, oh my! Talk about human draino! If you have a problem going – this stuff will do the trick. I think I dropped a weight class after I was finished! Yet, I still oddly crave it and will probably eat it again during another drunken stupor. 

My bowels hate me. My toilet bowl hates me. I never learn do I?

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26 thoughts on “The Human Draino of fast foods. Time to drop a weight class!”

  1. We don’t have a White Castle near us but when we were going through a major city that did my older son insisted we bring him some. He wanted the Crave Case too, but we didn’t get him quite that large an order. I do have to tell you that I hope to never sit in a car smelling White Castle for 8 hours again!

    1. Hey Karen!

      That smell stays around for days. It’s like getting sprayed by a skunk. At least it’s a cheap meal. Worth it for the smell? Not sure.

  2. You are so true lol I worked there when I was in high school. The midnight run was always the best. I ran into some of the drunkest people I’ve ever met in my life but they were really nice. Your toilet bowl will definitely hate you in the morning. That’s a fact! Great post

    1. Hey Patricia!

      Oh, the drunk crowd after midnight is a sight to be seen. Yes, I can attest to being one of those myself. Alwsys hated myself in the morning.

  3. Well, now we know why you’re called the regular guy. All that grease works as a laxative. In high school we used to make McDonald’s runs (perhaps I should use another word) after smoking pot.

    I’m a White Castle virgin. Though I loved the movie “Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle.”

    1. Hey Lauren!

      Well, it does help keep the flow moving if you catch my drift! I do also love that movie. Really funny stuff and Neil Patrick Harris is a riot!

  4. hahaha I LOVE the image of the neon white sign as a light to the swarms of drunk people, drawing us like druken moths to the flame of an intestinal Shartnado. As a Chicagoan and career drinker, I’ve dabbled. The great thing about sliders is they clean you right out, all that alcohol and regreat gets flushed CLEAN OUT. Then yes, you definitely need to replenish with Gatorade, some other actual nutrients and maybe a 12-step program, but then again, no one likes a quitter!

    1. Hey Joy!

      It’s like you become a human toilet and these sliders are your beef enema that gets flushed out. It will clean you out!

      Maybe I should eat more greens in my diet. 12 step program? More like a three step program into my local pub!

  5. Dying laughing here. My husband took our son there this weekend and posted a photo on Facebook saying “we’ll see how it goes!”

    Hahahahaha

  6. Oh my, Phil! I would have been right there with you sprinting across the street for some cow goodness! I couldn’t stop laughing because I can so relate to your story. I had a free birthday burrito experience I will never forget! Hope your…er bowels have recovered. 🙂

    1. Hey Brickhouse!

      OMG! Can you imagine eating a burrito and White Castle at the same time? If anyone lit a match the building would be leveled!

  7. How sad is it that I’m not even sure I’ve eaten a White Castle hamburger? I think maybe i did when we lived in Kearny, New Jersey, but I was 5. However…I did see a box of the burgers in the frozen section at the grocery store!

    1. Hey Coleen!

      If you have eaten any surely you would have remembered if just for the bathroom run later on! Yes, they do sell these in the frozen section for all those masochists out there!

  8. Spent a few years in Pittsburgh, living 3 blocks from a side-by-side set of Taco Bell and Rally’s “restaurants” with drive-thru windows that stayed open past closing time. I have plenty of vivid memories of stumbling (or, god help us, driving) home from a night on the town and ending up sitting with friends on the living room floor, in a Christmas-morning-worthy pile of paper wrappers, torn condiment packets, and used napkins. I often thought: if only we had a White Castle.

    1. Hey Junk Chuck!

      Thanks for dropping by and commenting! Oh, I used to live near a Taco Bell with drive thru too. White Castle was just down the street. It was deadly I tell you. Pure Evil!

      I spent many a drunk night with friends hitting both. Sometimes in the same night!

  9. An interesting establishment, and unique dual combo between pub and burger joint across the way. Can you believe I have never had a White Castle Burger? Someday I need to give it a try, it has after all, despite its greasy status, endured a ‘must have’ following by many for a lot of years!

    1. Hey Peggy!

      I guess having a pub across the street is perfect location strategy! I would suggest to try it once. Make sure a bathroom is close by! 🙂

  10. Oh, come on Phil! White Castle is fantastic!

    Let me clarify that. I don’t live within 3-4 hours of one, so when I do get the chance, it’s much like a forbidden piece of fruit being eaten for the first time. It’s delish! The last time I was at one was a few years ago. I was heading home on New Year’s Eve to a friend’s party. I need to bring a dish and … well, a White Castle was close. So I bought a Crave Case. Needless to say, they were a hit.

    The only problem? My car smelled like White Castle for weeks!

    You’ll do it again, Phil. And you’ll like it!

    1. Hey PJ!

      It is fantastic when in a drunken stupor!

      Oh, as you can see I did the Crave Case. My body hated me the next day. Yup – I will probably do it again on day.

      That smell lingers forever……

  11. It’s one of the central mysteries of life how we all feel famished after a belly-full of beer. In my younger years, before the advent of all the late-night take-aways – God, that makes me sound ancient – after a might on the piss, I would often get home and cook myself a fry up: sausage, egg, bacon, beans & fries. Happy days!

  12. White Castle is one of the biggest things I miss since I moved from up North, that place is the bomb baby! We have Krystals (the wannabe White Castle) down here in Florida, but it is in no way as good.

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