I don’t know about you but I really can’t stand the coworker who comes back into the office after a long three or four day holiday weekend all bright eyed and bushy tailed. You know the type. All refreshed and happy to be back in the rat race. The one who has to greet everyone good morning and inquire about how their weekend was. Then regales all of us with detailed information about what they did, where they went, what they ate, how many times they took a dump, etc. They bop around the place sticking their head into every office and cubicle to make sure you’re there to say hello and tell you about their wonderful weekend getaway down by the shore or wherever the heck they went. You try to avoid this person all morning until the coffee kicks in and the drowsiness dissipates from your mind because if you don’t you just might strangle them. You just feel like telling then to “Shut the hell up!”
Really, what is it with these people? How can they be so happy that the long weekend is over and to be back at the daily grind? Most of us live for the extra time off to enjoy life. The last thing I want to hear at 9:15am the first day back at work is your nasally drone of a voice happily telling me about your family vacation, what your kids did, the amazing hotel you stayed in, the celebrity you might have seen out in the Hamptons eating at an expensive restaurant with broccoli stuck in their teeth, blah blah blah blah blah. Shoot me now. The worst is when you get trapped in the elevator with this spawn, or in the kitchen while making your first cup of coffee for the morning. Then there is no escape. You just nod your head, smile a lot, and as they babble on thoughts of slamming their head into the refrigerator door pass through your mind. Please make it stop!
How can some people be so enthralled about being back at work? I’ll admit that I really do enjoy my job and career, but like most normal people I also take great pleasure in having time off and not being back in the office for a bit. It’s good for our sanity to decompress without the pressures of deadlines and job related stress. The last thing I want to deal with is some sort of demented Energizer Bunny of a coworker running around all happy to be back in the office on the verge of belting out Broadway show tunes all morning. I feel like putting a roofie of laxatives in their coffee so they’d be trapped in a bathroom stall all day. Now that I think of it that’s not a bad idea. Heading over to the kitchen now…..
Of course, some out there work in an environment where there is no mercy. Almost as if having a national holiday is a sin, and closing the office on those days is like committing a federal offense, or asking someone to share their bacon! How dare you want to have July 4th, Christmas Day, or Thanksgiving off! Going into labor? Pop that kid out and get back to work within the afternoon. In fact, schedule childbirth during your lunch hour and be back by 1pm! So glad my office situation is not like that. Bad enough I have to deal with that one overly peppy coworker!
Honestly, we all know that first day back in the office after a long weekend pretty much nothing much gets accomplished. It’s like that summer Friday afternoon before a three day holiday weekend such as Memorial Day. Each hour drags and seems like forever, while no one is responding to emails or picking up the phone. By 2pm the day is pretty much over. By 3pm the office seems like a ghost town. Man, I wish every weekend was a three day adventure!
Now please, shut the hell up! I don’t want to hear about your awesome weekend. At least not until my third cup of coffee. At least bring donuts to ease the pain.