I had a pretty good Sunday night all things considered. I know that most of the country were sitting in bars, attending parties, or perched like zombies in front of their TV’s while drinking beer and eating high caloric snacks. There was some sort of big game on that evening. I don’t know as this is one of those nights that I look forward to all year to go out. In peace and quiet. Let me explain. I purposely don’t even pay attention to the game. The commercials now pretty much suck. Two teams I could care less about play in it. The half time show is an abomination and features crappy pop acts that make me want to gag. Seriously, it’s a waste of a whole night for me. I’d rather hit the gym then wash up and head out to a nice restaurant followed by seeing a good movie. You have to understand that living here in NYC we are constantly surrounded by a population of 8 million people who are everywhere. There is hardly ever a time that we are truly alone out in public. Add in the thousands of tourists that jam into the city all year long and it’s a total clusterfuck of humanity here. I sometimes daydream about having this all turn into a zombie apocalypse where I roam the streets hacking off their heads. Also, it’s the slow zombies not those crazy running video game zombies. Eff that. The more I kill the less people there are crowding into everything. I score extra points for lopping off the craniums of undead tourists too! Continue reading The glory of being alone in NYC on big game Sunday.
Ho Ho Ho and a bottle of Jack Daniels. Santa made his appointed rounds last night and here we are at another NYC Christmas. He committed breaking and entering and snuck in while you were all sleeping to deposit who knows what in your households. Rummaging through your panty drawers. Oh, don’t mind that thing floating in your toilet. Consider it a “personal” gift from the jolly fat man himself. He might also have a few thousand illegitimate little elves running around the house by this time next year. Good luck getting him on the Maury show as Santa only “comes” one a year. Hey, his magical Viagra is quite potent and maybe hanging that mistletoe in your doorway might not have been a good idea in hindsight. Santa needs a little extra oomph to get him through a long evening of gift giving!
Now that it’s Christmas morning we can all look forward to a house full of joy and merriment. The horrendous trips to the mall are over. Shopping alongside hordes of unruly people, and zombies, are done. Kids running around screaming and tearing into presents. Mom and dad fighting over the presents they gave each other, or didn’t. The family members near and far that you can’t tolerate arriving and making a mess of your place, along with emptying out your liquor cabinet. You get stuck cooking for everyone. The bathroom gets bombed and the john overflows. Fa la la la la – shoot me now. Continue reading Merry Christmas & Happy Holidays from NYC Bad Santa!
The South. Just the word and imagery conjures up the willies in me. Every once in a while I travel down to these parts to visit family. They decided to do the old folks retirement thing and settle down in Florida a few years back. Yup – they hightailed it to the humid hot confines of the scary South to get away from the Northern winters. Seems like it’s a law or something that once you hit 65 or older you need to return to the mothership of Walmart and Waffle House. There are some freaks down here for sure. If Jerry Springer could be elected President of Crazy this would be his country. It’s a strange combination of retirees, transplants, an occasional native born here, and zombies from The Walking Dead. Oh, and don’t forget “The People of Walmart” as they seem to thrive in Florida. I am typing this post while on vacation down here with the parental units, and we are at the Tampa Hard Rock Casino for a few days before we do the Disney thing. Oh boy, are there some characters in this joint. I can hear “dueling banjos” playing in my brain constantly down here. Hey, we actually did pretty well playing dollar slots and poker. Also, we are fans of The Rat and the Death Star known as the Disney Parks. Say goodbye to my cash and credit cards! The saving grace is that we will be at Epcot for the International Wine and Food Expo which is an absolute blast. It’s the one day at a Disney park that turns into a drunkfest along with total gluttony! It’s like adult’s day to get bombed and it’s perfectly ok! I’m all excited for Brews Around The World. So. Much. Beer.
You all know what EPCOT stands for right? Every Person Carried Out Trashed! Good thing mom doesn’t drink so we have a built in designated driver. Poor mom. Mmmmm…..Beeeeer!
Continue reading The South is a scary place for this Regular NYC Guy!
Oh crap! With all the hoopla surrounding the magical date of 12-12-12 that we were all paying attention to I just realized that there are only eleven more shopping days until Christmas, and I really have not started yet. Sure, I have picked up a few things here and there but nothing to make a dent in the list I have mentally placed in my head. It’s giving me a pounding headache already just thinking about it.
Continue reading Christmas procrastination and zombies