Tag Archives: winter

Happy 2018! New Me. New You. Oh, Stop The BS!

First things first. Happy New Year! Here’s to a healthy, happy, safe, and prosperous 2018!

I don’t know where you all live, but it’s freaking cold here in the Northeast. As cold as a polar bear’s anus. Colder than Jack Frost’s taint. So cold that my sphincter packed up and moved to Miami for the winter! All it left behind was a post-it note telling me it decided to live the life of a “snow bird”. Adios amigo!

I won’t even tell you where it adhered the note to. Let’s just say it was a rude awakening when I got up this morning and stumbled half asleep into the bathroom. Inconsiderate bastard didn’t even say goodbye! That’s what I get for all those years of a “soft touch” and Cottonelle. No appreciation whatsoever! Continue reading Happy 2018! New Me. New You. Oh, Stop The BS!

You don’t mess with NYC during the morning rush. The MTA already angers us enough.

 

Has anyone noticed the world is going a bit nutty lately?

I mean, really, some idiot tried to detonate a makeshift pipe bomb strapped to his chest in the NYC subway? Then, pretty much almost blew himself up because this self-proclaimed terrorist lunatic did not know what he was doing? He picked out a busy tunnel walkway because it had Christmas advertising, which he hated, and it was the morning rush hour. Forget the pipe bomb almost killing him. He is lucky that angry New Yorkers on their way to work did not tear him apart! You don’t mess with us during our morning commute, as most are in an angry mood already dealing with getting to work, and on a mission to get from Point A to Point B.  Get outta my way!

Especially if we didn’t have our morning “Cup O’Joe” yet! Continue reading You don’t mess with NYC during the morning rush. The MTA already angers us enough.

Snowstorm Jonas had one huge set of snowballs on him!

 

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Epic NYC snowstorm that was a blast from the past!

Some of you spoiled millennials whining and crying about the snow, the harsh winter, the sudden cold, and not being able to go out need to get a grip. Waaah – I can’t get to Starbucks! Waaah – I can’t go to brunch today!

This past decade has seen so many mild winters you have no clue. Crap, it was 70 on Christmas here. What more do you want? This winter has been like a flaccid penis until this fluffer of a storm dropped to its knees and went to work in front of Old Man Winter. Yeah, Jonas has no shame. He worked hard for every inch.

Back in my day we normally had winter snowstorms every week, for months, and walked miles to school, uphill, with bare feet, then walked ten miles into town and worked hard labor, and then walked back home in the middle of another blizzard! Hey you kids – off my lawn! Continue reading Snowstorm Jonas had one huge set of snowballs on him!

Fall season is finally here and the rantings continue!

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It’s been a while since I let out my frustrations. So many things that make me want to scream out loud and bang my head against the wall lately. Sometimes, these same irritants come around seasonally, and others come out of left field like a pigeon taking a dump on my head. Let’s start with the most obvious one. And away we go!

1) Pumpkin everything – Really, what the heck? How can such a little used member of the squash family make everyone become so crazed once Labor Day hits? It’s like the population becomes hypnotized and metamorphosizes into zombies craving brains, um, pumpkin flavored everything. Sure, I love me some pumpkin pie at Thanksgiving, but enough is enough. Let’s be real here – most of these over-flavored pumpkin foods and drinks taste like crap anyway. Either way too sweet or just bland.

2) The hot weather – I am so sick of the warm humid swamp ass weather. I am so ready for the cool, crisp, dry and comfortable Fall season. Can Summer please just go away already. I’m done with you. Bye Felicia! Continue reading Fall season is finally here and the rantings continue!