Christmas has come and gone once again. It wasn’t too bad this year, and no one was injured during the family get together. No blood was spilled or limbs torn off. That’s a plus I guess. When it was over we were able to escape into the darkness of the evening, and head home to the pure bliss of silence while sitting on the couch with a bottle of wine. Now, don’t get me wrong as I really do
hate tolerate want to deport love my family members.
Yes, Christmas brings out the best and worst in families. Surviving the holidays is the ultimate in ecstasy. It’s exhausting, and leaves you lying in a puddle of sweat while panting and out of breath. Like sex but more satisfying! Yet, it seems like it takes way more work to get to the end. Satisfying or not. Is the effort worth it? Continue reading Christmastime Calamity and the Essence of Ecstasy!
Ho Ho Ho and a bottle of Jack Daniels. Santa made his appointed rounds last night and here we are at another NYC Christmas. He committed breaking and entering and snuck in while you were all sleeping to deposit who knows what in your households. Rummaging through your panty drawers. Oh, don’t mind that thing floating in your toilet. Consider it a “personal” gift from the jolly fat man himself. He might also have a few thousand illegitimate little elves running around the house by this time next year. Good luck getting him on the Maury show as Santa only “comes” one a year. Hey, his magical Viagra is quite potent and maybe hanging that mistletoe in your doorway might not have been a good idea in hindsight. Santa needs a little extra oomph to get him through a long evening of gift giving!
Now that it’s Christmas morning we can all look forward to a house full of joy and merriment. The horrendous trips to the mall are over. Shopping alongside hordes of unruly people, and zombies, are done. Kids running around screaming and tearing into presents. Mom and dad fighting over the presents they gave each other, or didn’t. The family members near and far that you can’t tolerate arriving and making a mess of your place, along with emptying out your liquor cabinet. You get stuck cooking for everyone. The bathroom gets bombed and the john overflows. Fa la la la la – shoot me now. Continue reading Merry Christmas & Happy Holidays from NYC Bad Santa!
Oh crap! With all the hoopla surrounding the magical date of 12-12-12 that we were all paying attention to I just realized that there are only eleven more shopping days until Christmas, and I really have not started yet. Sure, I have picked up a few things here and there but nothing to make a dent in the list I have mentally placed in my head. It’s giving me a pounding headache already just thinking about it.
Continue reading Christmas procrastination and zombies
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