Tag Archives: parents

I’m on Vacation! Pina Coladas, Island Hopping, Off The Grid!

 

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I’m on vacation! Hand me a frozen cocktail and don’t be stingy with the rum!

Finally going on a real vacation out of the country for a week. Heading out on a Caribbean cruise with my gal and parents. Dad likes to drink and mom likes to gamble. We all love to eat. On a cruise ship that is a winning, if deadly, combination. Drinking, eating, gambling, island hopping and shopping. I think I might experience almost all of the Seven Deadly Sins over these seven days. We’ll make the most of it though I’m sure and have some great fun. I just need to keep in mind a list of things to adhere to that will help make my vacation time more enjoyable. Lord knows spending the week with the parental units will cause some stress to begin with.

1. I will not be on social networks of any kind as soon as that cruise ship pulls away from the port. It’s called a vacation for a reason! I am totally disconnecting for a week. Off the grid. Incommunicado. Lost in space. See ya!

2. I will not be posting vacation pictures on Facebook, Instagram, Yelp, Twitter, Snapchat, Tinder, LinkedIn, Clown Sex Weekly, or any other internet site. I will not be one of  “those” people who feel the need to post a million pictures of everywhere they go every minute of their vacations on social media. It’s almost as if people forgot how to actually kick back and enjoy the destinations and sights they experience. They just run around looking for photo ops to quickly post and show off to their friends and followers. Dozens of pictures. Hundreds of them. Thousands. Honestly, none of us really care. Just stop already. Go have fun, enjoy, and download the pics when you get back. We’ll see them later on. Continue reading I’m on Vacation! Pina Coladas, Island Hopping, Off The Grid!

Come on parents, stop taking your kids to casinos!

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Yeah, I know I’ll catch flack from a certain segment of parents out there who will scream from the rafters that we should back off and stop berating them for how they raise their spawn. Maybe even a few who read this blog will let me have it. Well, I just don’t care.

You see, I have had it with improper parenting and so have many people who I know. After traveling across country on a biz trip to Las Vegas for the umpteenth time once again I saw things that made me cringe. The bottom line is how I feel about taking small children to casinos. Stop it. Just stop. Really, parents, STOP bringing your kids to casinos. Sure, Vegas is going through another transition again where they are trying to portray themselves as a cross-breeding science horror experiment of Sin City and Family Friendly, but that still does not mean you should drag little Johnny and Kimmie there for a family vacation. Yes, I know that Vegas features many great spots to eat, terrific shows and entertainment, fabulous resort hotels with awesome pools and amenities, along with things to do off the Strip. Parents that I saw with their kids in tow at all hours of the day and night will argue until their last breath that it’s a wonderful destination to bring the whole family. Sorry, I’m just not buying into it. Continue reading Come on parents, stop taking your kids to casinos!

The glory of being alone in NYC on big game Sunday.

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I had a pretty good Sunday night all things considered. I know that most of the country were sitting in bars, attending parties, or perched like zombies in front of their TV’s while drinking beer and eating high caloric snacks. There was some sort of big game on that evening. I don’t know as this is one of those nights that I look forward to all year to go out. In peace and quiet. Let me explain. I purposely don’t even pay attention to the game. The commercials now pretty much suck. Two teams I could care less about play in it. The half time show is an abomination and features crappy pop acts that make me want to gag. Seriously, it’s a waste of a whole night for me. I’d rather hit the gym then wash up and head out to a nice restaurant followed by seeing a good movie. You have to understand that living here in NYC we are constantly surrounded by a population of 8 million people who are everywhere. There is hardly ever a time that we are truly alone out in public. Add in the thousands of tourists that jam into the city all year long and it’s a total clusterfuck of humanity here. I sometimes daydream about having this all turn into a zombie apocalypse where I roam the streets hacking off their heads. Also, it’s the slow zombies not those crazy running video game zombies. Eff that. The more I kill the less people there are crowding into everything. I score extra points for lopping off the craniums of undead tourists too! Continue reading The glory of being alone in NYC on big game Sunday.

Hey NYC parents – your spawn are not my problem!

Just be warned in case you ask me to watch your kid......
Just be warned in case you ask me to watch your kid……

Did she just really ask me to watch her spawn from Hell? Now, I am a responsible kind of fellow, and maybe I have that composure of which people seem to trust me for some reason. Yet, here I am baffled as to why someone would entrust a complete stranger with their DNA which plopped out from between their legs in a moment of excruciating agony. Hey, that was your choice lady, not mine. I am childfree by choice, and live a totally fulfilling life, thank you very much. The last thing I want to do is watch your crying, screaming, annoying child while you head to the bathroom to take a dump. Now don’t get me wrong, as I don’t hate childen, no really, but I am just not parent material. People constantly tell me and my gal that I look like I’d make a great dad. Bwahahahahaha! Yeah, this guy who still likes to go out drinking too much, partying too hard, and lives life on a whim. Sorry, I just don’t want to be trapped and looking miserable as I see so many parents here in NYC are. You know the type. They are pushing an oversized baby carriage, or carrying around their kid in a sack on their chest like an albatross around their necks. That forlorn look of despair in their eyes with a silent cry for help as they desperately seek an escape from the eternal situation they got themselves into. As I view these people I can only wonder if they rue the day they discarded their freedom in a moment of breeding frenzy. All it takes is a minute of ejactulatory bliss in exchange for twenty years of a parental jail sentence. Awww heck no. Sorry, it’s just not for me. Continue reading Hey NYC parents – your spawn are not my problem!