First things first. Happy New Year! Here’s to a healthy, happy, safe, and prosperous 2018!
I don’t know where you all live, but it’s freaking cold here in the Northeast. As cold as a polar bear’s anus. Colder than Jack Frost’s taint. So cold that my sphincter packed up and moved to Miami for the winter! All it left behind was a post-it note telling me it decided to live the life of a “snow bird”. Adios amigo!
I won’t even tell you where it adhered the note to. Let’s just say it was a rude awakening when I got up this morning and stumbled half asleep into the bathroom. Inconsiderate bastard didn’t even say goodbye! That’s what I get for all those years of a “soft touch” and Cottonelle. No appreciation whatsoever! Continue reading Happy 2018! New Me. New You. Oh, Stop The BS!
Has anyone noticed the world is going a bit nutty lately?
I mean, really, some idiot tried to detonate a makeshift pipe bomb strapped to his chest in the NYC subway? Then, pretty much almost blew himself up because this self-proclaimed terrorist lunatic did not know what he was doing? He picked out a busy tunnel walkway because it had Christmas advertising, which he hated, and it was the morning rush hour. Forget the pipe bomb almost killing him. He is lucky that angry New Yorkers on their way to work did not tear him apart! You don’t mess with us during our morning commute, as most are in an angry mood already dealing with getting to work, and on a mission to get from Point A to Point B. Get outta my way!
Especially if we didn’t have our morning “Cup O’Joe” yet! Continue reading You don’t mess with NYC during the morning rush. The MTA already angers us enough.
Just like death, taxes, and the Jets always losing there is one constant in life for New Yorkers. That, my friends, is the NYC MTA subway system breaking down on a Monday morning!
It never fails. No matter what the weather conditions are, or the time of year, you can almost schedule it like clockwork that on Monday mornings during rush hour you will be greeted by delays. It’s always the same jumble of convoluted double-speak that you can barely decipher being announced on the barely comprehensible public address system. I think this is done on purpose.
As I descended to the subway platform this rainy morning it was nothing but mixed mumbo-jumbo at 8am. The last thing anyone wants to hear to start off the week. As if Monday’s don’t suck enough after a nice weekend that always ends too soon. Continue reading Bozo the MTA, and the Normal Monday Gut Punch.
I swear, there is nothing more infuriating to a New Yorker than being held captive by a mass transit system constantly on the verge of major collapse.
We here in the NYC area, millions of us, rely on the MTA subway system to get us back and forth to our places of employment every day, week, and month. In a timely manner. LOL – yeah, and I’m gonna be the next big Hollywood action star! Get to da choppa!
Yet, here I was, along with my sweat stained brethren and sisters once again left jam-packed on a subway platform to nowhere. Oh, this one was a doozy. Totally unforeseen as we descended to the underground platforms that had become as hot as Beelzebub’s anal cavity since we were just coming off a 90 degree weekend. Dammit, it’s Autumn! It’s not supposed to be this hot out. Yet, here we all were, a sweaty mass of humanity aligned shoulder to shoulder resembling fish in sardine can. ( and some people smelling like one – c’mon people use deodorant! ) Waiting. Waiting. More waiting.
Help? Continue reading Monday Funday – Greetings From the MTA!