First things first. Happy New Year! Here’s to a healthy, happy, safe, and prosperous 2018!
I don’t know where you all live, but it’s freaking cold here in the Northeast. As cold as a polar bear’s anus. Colder than Jack Frost’s taint. So cold that my sphincter packed up and moved to Miami for the winter! All it left behind was a post-it note telling me it decided to live the life of a “snow bird”. Adios amigo!
I won’t even tell you where it adhered the note to. Let’s just say it was a rude awakening when I got up this morning and stumbled half asleep into the bathroom. Inconsiderate bastard didn’t even say goodbye! That’s what I get for all those years of a “soft touch” and Cottonelle. No appreciation whatsoever! Continue reading Happy 2018! New Me. New You. Oh, Stop The BS!
It’s that time of year again. We all know someone, and perhaps even ourselves, who make those foolish New Year’s resolutions that never seem to really pan out. A gallant and well meaning attempt usually crashes and burns into ashes and the smell of despair. I for one do not make any resolutions. If I make up my mind to do something it doesn’t matter what time of year it is as I just do it. If I decide that I want to eat less bacon, or drink less beer, then that will happen. Wait, what? Bwahahahahaha! That ain’t happening! Anyhoo, I thought it would be a good idea to assign resolutions to others here in the NYC area as some of these people really need to make some major changes. They can either take my advice or remain as the annoying dregs of society we all deem them to be.
Continue reading My New Year’s Resolution suggestions for NYC!
Every year it seems we are all pressured to come up with New Year’s resolutions as if trying to enrich our lives and send us on a path of health and inner happiness. We are trapped into a way of thinking that if we make a list of idiotic things to acccomplish that our lives, and those around us, will be all for the better. I call BS on that! Not one year in my life have I actually accomplished any resolution I made on New Year’s day. Do you all realize how hard it really is? Then, we all get that abject feeling of failure that inevitably accompanies each resolution downfall. Well, I for one say “NO MORE”! It’s time to do away with this stupid tradition and come up with a better plan. Therefore, I propose to you that we set up a list of “Anti-Resolutions” for the New Year! Things that we can honestly have a chance of succeeding at. Think of it as the “Festivus” of New Year’s!
Here is my list of Anti-Resolutions that I know I will accomplish –
1. Eat more bacon. There is no way in Hell that I will blow this one. How can I not succeed? It’s the meat candy of the world and I would bathe in it if I could. Continue reading Go screw your 2014 New Year’s Resolutions!
Here we are at another New Years Day. This one day is usually filled with so much expectation, hope, and remembrance of the past year. The exultation of the highs, and the lamentations of the lows. For many it is the chance at a fresh start with unrealistic goals and dreams. Seems like everyone has some sort of “New Years resolutions” they try to adhere to, and make a valiant effort to reach, but most fall way short and give up on them within a few weeks, months, or even days! Do yourselves a favor and don’t make any resolutions. Just go out and live your life the best you can. You can make changes and goals for your life on any day you choose, and not just have to limit it to this one day. As the sneaker ad saying goes – just do it!
That being said – HAPPY NEW YEAR! Do your thing! Get your freak on! Party like it’s 1999! Continue reading Happy New Year 2014 Everyone!!!