Ho Ho Ho and a bottle of Jack Daniels. Santa made his appointed rounds last night and here we are at another NYC Christmas. He committed breaking and entering and snuck in while you were all sleeping to deposit who knows what in your households. Rummaging through your panty drawers. Oh, don’t mind that thing floating in your toilet. Consider it a “personal” gift from the jolly fat man himself. He might also have a few thousand illegitimate little elves running around the house by this time next year. Good luck getting him on the Maury show as Santa only “comes” one a year. Hey, his magical Viagra is quite potent and maybe hanging that mistletoe in your doorway might not have been a good idea in hindsight. Santa needs a little extra oomph to get him through a long evening of gift giving!
Now that it’s Christmas morning we can all look forward to a house full of joy and merriment. The horrendous trips to the mall are over. Shopping alongside hordes of unruly people, and zombies, are done. Kids running around screaming and tearing into presents. Mom and dad fighting over the presents they gave each other, or didn’t. The family members near and far that you can’t tolerate arriving and making a mess of your place, along with emptying out your liquor cabinet. You get stuck cooking for everyone. The bathroom gets bombed and the john overflows. Fa la la la la – shoot me now. Continue reading Merry Christmas & Happy Holidays from NYC Bad Santa!