Tag Archives: humor

I’m rich! I’m wealthy! I want to share my fortune with you!

shut-up-and-take-my-money

Hello everyone!

I just received the most wonderful news! It looks like that email I received not too long ago regarding a transfer of some dead guy’s fortune was not really a scam at all. Somehow, it seems the money is really there and ready to be transferred to my bank account. Now that Teruca has taken care of her mysterious adopted daughter her late husband’s fortune is ready to be shared with me! I’m going to be a millionaire!

download

Seems legit, right? Here is her message to me copied in it’s entirety exactly as it was sent – Continue reading I’m rich! I’m wealthy! I want to share my fortune with you!

Public Farting and Killer Fumes in NYC!

I-Farted_c_135922

There is one thing that we all can relate too, no matter if we live in NYC, Tuscaloosa, Antarctica, or Mars. Public farting is pretty nasty, especially when we are forced to inhale someone else’s fumes of death! Damn, most of the time we don’t even want to smell our own. So when those inconsiderate dillweeds decide to cropdust us against our will there is nothing else we can do but hold our breath and softly weep. In my opinion some places are even worse than others.

The Top 5 places where is it absolutely reprehensible and devoid of any strain of humanity to fart in public! Those of you who subject innocent people to the abomination that is the essence of your putrid odoriferous attack should be beaten within an inch of their smelly lives! Continue reading Public Farting and Killer Fumes in NYC!

Let’s Erect Carlos Danger as Mayor of NYC!

tumblr_mqgge9iugk1ql0gxeo1_500The news coming out regarding the Mayor’s race here in NYC just becomes weirder and weirder as the days progress. It seems there is a lot more hidden that is just a zipper pull away from being released upon a ravenous public itching for more of Carlos Danger! His overexposed member just seems to be everywhere these days. It’s the talk of the town. I’m really starting to think that Carlos is real, and hacked into poor Anthony Weiner’s Twitter account. He wants exposure and the more he gets the more excited he becomes. He loves the ladies, and the ladies can’t seem to get enough of Carlos Danger! He is a man about town, and the more dangerous he is, the more the glamorous he becomes. After the last 36 years of Mayor Bloomberg’s overdrawn and boring dictatorship locking down the city and turning it into a homogenized Disneyland we need someone like Carlos Danger to spice it up a bit and set us free! I can just envision it –  Continue reading Let’s Erect Carlos Danger as Mayor of NYC!

OK, it’s so hot in NYC we are melting! We are MELTING!

meltman16
Yes, it does feel a tad bit sweaty outside.

Summertime is supposed to be warm, we get that. I know that we can all expect muggy days here and there. Bright weekends at the park. Sun drenched days at the beach. The occasional hot and humid afternoons. Summer in NYC is usually filled with these types of days, but hot damn, this heat wave is hotter than Satan’s asshole! Another day of record heat in the 90’s that actually feels like it’s over 100 outside. Is this some kind of crazy joke that Mother Nature is pulling on us? I feel like I am actually melting if I stay outside for more than a few minutes! I can smell the soles of my sneakers burning!

39796594

I actually read today on the Gothamist that NYC broke the all time power record usage. Good lord I hope that ConEd can keep up with the power demand during this heat wave. No way in Hell that anyone wants to deal with a power outage right now. Even the Pillsbury Doughboy would end up baking like a croissant on the sidewalk out here. I am ready too see people explode in spontaneous combustion.

Mmmm……croissants.

http://gothamist.com/2013/07/19/nyc_broke_all-time_peak_power_usage.php Continue reading OK, it’s so hot in NYC we are melting! We are MELTING!