Tag Archives: humor

Public Farting and Killer Fumes in NYC!

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There is one thing that we all can relate too, no matter if we live in NYC, Tuscaloosa, Antarctica, or Mars. Public farting is pretty nasty, especially when we are forced to inhale someone else’s fumes of death! Damn, most of the time we don’t even want to smell our own. So when those inconsiderate dillweeds decide to cropdust us against our will there is nothing else we can do but hold our breath and softly weep. In my opinion some places are even worse than others.

The Top 5 places where is it absolutely reprehensible and devoid of any strain of humanity to fart in public! Those of you who subject innocent people to the abomination that is the essence of your putrid odoriferous attack should be beaten within an inch of their smelly lives! Continue reading Public Farting and Killer Fumes in NYC!

Let’s Erect Carlos Danger as Mayor of NYC!

tumblr_mqgge9iugk1ql0gxeo1_500The news coming out regarding the Mayor’s race here in NYC just becomes weirder and weirder as the days progress. It seems there is a lot more hidden that is just a zipper pull away from being released upon a ravenous public itching for more of Carlos Danger! His overexposed member just seems to be everywhere these days. It’s the talk of the town. I’m really starting to think that Carlos is real, and hacked into poor Anthony Weiner’s Twitter account. He wants exposure and the more he gets the more excited he becomes. He loves the ladies, and the ladies can’t seem to get enough of Carlos Danger! He is a man about town, and the more dangerous he is, the more the glamorous he becomes. After the last 36 years of Mayor Bloomberg’s overdrawn and boring dictatorship locking down the city and turning it into a homogenized Disneyland we need someone like Carlos Danger to spice it up a bit and set us free! I can just envision it –  Continue reading Let’s Erect Carlos Danger as Mayor of NYC!

OK, it’s so hot in NYC we are melting! We are MELTING!

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Yes, it does feel a tad bit sweaty outside.

Summertime is supposed to be warm, we get that. I know that we can all expect muggy days here and there. Bright weekends at the park. Sun drenched days at the beach. The occasional hot and humid afternoons. Summer in NYC is usually filled with these types of days, but hot damn, this heat wave is hotter than Satan’s asshole! Another day of record heat in the 90’s that actually feels like it’s over 100 outside. Is this some kind of crazy joke that Mother Nature is pulling on us? I feel like I am actually melting if I stay outside for more than a few minutes! I can smell the soles of my sneakers burning!

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I actually read today on the Gothamist that NYC broke the all time power record usage. Good lord I hope that ConEd can keep up with the power demand during this heat wave. No way in Hell that anyone wants to deal with a power outage right now. Even the Pillsbury Doughboy would end up baking like a croissant on the sidewalk out here. I am ready too see people explode in spontaneous combustion.

Mmmm……croissants.

http://gothamist.com/2013/07/19/nyc_broke_all-time_peak_power_usage.php Continue reading OK, it’s so hot in NYC we are melting! We are MELTING!

Things we stand in line for in NYC. That’s Cray Cray!

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We who live here in NYC spend an awful lot of time standing around in lines waiting for things. I’ll admit, at times I am one of those fools too, but as I am getting older (and more wiser) I have to say that I just don’t have the patience for it anymore. I mean, if it’s for something extremely worthwhile such as free concert tickets or to a special event that just might entice me. Otherwise, don’t expect me to waste hours of my precious time on a slow moving line with a bunch of other noobs for anything. We are a fast paced city here. We act and move quickly. We hustle. Why anyone would lose precious sleep or time to wait for certain things on long ass lines just goes to show the extent some will go through. Call it nutty, call it absurd, just don’t call it logical. Some of these people are totally Cray Cray!

The movies are one. Why do people here in NYC feel the need to wait on mega long lines just to go see a popular movie on opening night? That is the worst time to go. Plus, the theater is packed with annoying people who won’t shut up, have their phones on during the movie, obnoxious little kids, crying babies, and there is usually the freakishly tall person who just happens to take the seat right in front of you. Thanks for blocking my view Gigantaur! Buy your tickets on-line or in advance and wait a few days. Even better, just wait a few weeks and it will be on DVD! Continue reading Things we stand in line for in NYC. That’s Cray Cray!