Ho Ho Ho and a bottle of Jack Daniels. Santa made his appointed rounds last night and here we are at another NYC Christmas. He committed breaking and entering and snuck in while you were all sleeping to deposit who knows what in your households. Rummaging through your panty drawers. Oh, don’t mind that thing floating in your toilet. Consider it a “personal” gift from the jolly fat man himself. He might also have a few thousand illegitimate little elves running around the house by this time next year. Good luck getting him on the Maury show as Santa only “comes” one a year. Hey, his magical Viagra is quite potent and maybe hanging that mistletoe in your doorway might not have been a good idea in hindsight. Santa needs a little extra oomph to get him through a long evening of gift giving!
Now that it’s Christmas morning we can all look forward to a house full of joy and merriment. The horrendous trips to the mall are over. Shopping alongside hordes of unruly people, and zombies, are done. Kids running around screaming and tearing into presents. Mom and dad fighting over the presents they gave each other, or didn’t. The family members near and far that you can’t tolerate arriving and making a mess of your place, along with emptying out your liquor cabinet. You get stuck cooking for everyone. The bathroom gets bombed and the john overflows. Fa la la la la – shoot me now. Continue reading Merry Christmas & Happy Holidays from NYC Bad Santa!
Here we are at another Thanksgiving holiday. Travel nightmares. Family follies. Stuffing ourselves to the point of gastronomic failure. Waistlines pushing maximum expansion. Then usually passing out on the couch for a while in a tryptophanic turkey coma until the aroma of fresh coffee and pumpkin pie is in the air. Hey now, no matter how full we are there’s always room for dessert! Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays mainly because I get to feast and engorge myself on delicious food prepared by relatives who can cook their asses off. No Shake N Bake chicken here, just real down home comfort food and stuffing galore. I will admit to a guilty pleasure during this meal – canned cranberry sauce! I can’t help myself, as I love it. The shape of the can it plops out as. You can slice it. It’s gelatinous wiggle. It’s not as sour as fresh cranberry sauce. Drool.
Hey, don’t judge me! We all have our shameful little fetishes. Continue reading It’s Thanksgiving in NYC. Turkey time! Come at me bro!
Happy Labor Day everyone!
Hope you all are taking it slow and enjoying a day off from work. If your company is open today and they are forcing you to slave away for “the man” then I must say I feel sorry for you. Those companies are un-American! Close the damn biz for a day and let everyone enjoy a holiday of debauchery and reckless abandon. Or, just so many can actually get some sleep and be a lazy sloth for the day. It’s all good either way. This is Amurrica! Slap some hotdogs and burgers on the grill. Devour those carcinogens! Hit the beach in wildly inappropriate bathing suits that show off those jelly rolls. Skin cancer be damned! Drink until you puke. After holiday hangovers are special! Go see Guardians of the Galaxy again. After all, DC comics can’t seem to come out with a movie lately and Marvel is kicking their ass! Bring your kids to the mall to let them run wild like obnoxious brats and annoy the crap out of everyone else while you shop in blissful ignorance. Well, actually, we hate these parents. What I’m trying to say is go out and enjoy the day off if you can, as Labor Day is meant to be a day of relaxation from the daily grind of the rat race we live in. Continue reading Labor Day, disgusting sights, celebrities, and NYC life.
This blog is just a regular guy's view of life, food, cocktails, fitness, and fun.