Tag Archives: funny

Don’t Be A Turd Burglar!

854566-toilet-cubicleIt’s Monday morning and I already have started the day out with a “what the eff moment”.  You all know how it is when you drag yourself out of bed, into the shower, and arrive at work with that first cup of hot coffee. You slowly wake up from the grogginess that drapes your brain. You get your desk situated and set up a plan of attack for the day, and for what comes before you over the afternoon. Your body as it awakens let’s you know that it needs to hit the bathroom to start your day off right. If any of you are like me sometimes all it takes is one cup of morning coffee and “whammo”! Time to poop! Ah, there is nothing like a good morning constitutional to start the day off right. Everything is moving along swimmingly until some idiot “Turd Burglar” comes along and messes up your whole routine.

I think it’s time for a bit of ranting when it comes to toilet etiquette. Now, I can’t speak about the women’s room situation so if any of the fairer sex want to pipe in just do so and let ‘er rip!

Please don’t stop me to chat when you see I am about to enter the men’s room. Especially if I have something to read with me. Doubly so if you see me running to the can!

Continue reading Don’t Be A Turd Burglar!

NYC Men’s Fashion – WTF? Do you dress in the dark?

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In this day and age of fashion it just boggles me when I see the way some guys dress. It makes me wonder if any of them really look in a mirror before leaving the house in the morning.  Now I will be the first to admit being a casual dresser, as my job does not require upscale business attire every day, but I do otherwise dress to look good, and when out on the road seeing clients the suit and tie is the required uniform. Some men out there know how to rock their clothes, and I applaud them. Then there are the others that I see every day in NYC on the subways and walking the streets that make me roll my eyes in anguish.

Or laughter!

I realize that dressing well will make a dent in the wallet. I have fried my credit card at times when out clothes shopping. I know that not everyone can sometimes afford expensive threads, yet there are ways to look stylish without breaking the bank. Many stores nowadays carry name brand duds that are made and priced for the “regular guy” out there. Kohl’s, KMart, Target and others offer an alternative to the overpriced designer lines that make clothes shopping a nightmare. Let’s face it, most guys hate shopping to begin with as we would rather be at a bar watching the game, or chilling out on our couch playing video games. I need to go out myself and update my wardrobe but I am too damn lazy to give up a weekend day to do it. I need a personal shopper! Why can’t I be rich?

Here are a few don’ts when it comes to menswear. These are just my opinions as I do realize that everyone has their own views on what is fashionable and what isn’t. I really think some people get dressed in the dark.

Continue reading NYC Men’s Fashion – WTF? Do you dress in the dark?

Eff you Cupid! Valentine’s Day Loathing.

FatGuyCupid-300x298Here we are again ladies and gents. February 14th, 2013. Valentine’s Day. One of the most anticipated and loathed days of the year. A made up holiday that has gone beyond being overhyped over the decades. A day when relationships can be bonded stronger than ever, or die a horrible excruciating death. A day when the flower companies, and even the sidewalk bodegas in NYC ridiculously inflate their prices to give us all forced anal enemas. The greeting card companies make a killing on this day with some of the most expensive and vomit inducing cheesy cards of the year. Don’t even get me started on the mediocre candy companies that sell a ton of heart shaped boxes containing lousy tasting chocolate selections. Sheesh – just go into your nearest Duane Reade, CVS, Walgreens, or any other drug store chain and you will see rows upon rows of this stuff. Look for the aisles that are all decked out in pink and red. Some people are all gung-ho about V-Day. Some couples plan elaborate dinners and expensive gifts. Celebrities flaunt it in the newstand rags. Coworkers show off the nauseating flowers and gifts they received on their desks. People gush about how “my boyfriend” or “my wonderful wife” or “my hubby” got me this or that. “We’re so in love!” Continue reading Eff you Cupid! Valentine’s Day Loathing.

Hey Winter Storm Nemo where are you dude?

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Well, here we are in NYC waiting for this nor’easter, or blizzard, or squall,  or whatever the heck the weather forecasters predicted for today. Winter Storm Nemo? Really? They named it Nemo? Does Disney know about this? Is there a “TM” after this storm’s name? Do they get royalties after each mention of Nemo? Our semi-crazy Mayor Bloombito has all the trucks ready waiting to plow the streets and throw the sand down. I have to give him some props for making sure the city is prepared. Just don’t get caught drinking a Big Gulp while waiting around or the sugar police will come and arrest you.

snowmiserSpeaking of waiting around just where is Nemo? We have been waiting all day here in the city and all we have so far are a few snowflakes, light rain, and flurries. I’m not really impressed so far. I even decided to work from home today since the forecast was calling for this mess to begin early afternoon. Hey Mister Snow Miser – I want a refund!

Continue reading Hey Winter Storm Nemo where are you dude?