Tag Archives: funny

The Golden Showers of Blog Spam!

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Well, hello fellow bloggers and avid readers. It’s that time once again when I look through my spam filter to discover all the wonderfully weird and lascivious comments I receive here. It’s gonna be Huuuuge. The Best. So Unprecedented. Just Tremendous. The Golden Showers of blog spam!

Let’s Make America Weird Again!

So, let’s dive right into my mailbox and take a peek –

From Penis Pump Austria – There are various kinds of sex toys and products today that can enhance your sexual performance, from lubricants for women experiencing dryness, to realistic dildos and blow up dolls for those missing their partner. Continue reading The Golden Showers of Blog Spam!

Ranting away at 30,000 feet in the air. Heat, farts, and biz travel.

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Escaping NYC for a few days and heading to Las Vegas for a biz trip. Normally, that would be all fine and dandy except for the fact that it’s a raging inferno of heat there this week! Temps soaring close to 110 degrees each day makes for extreme swamp ass!

Dry air my ass! Hot is hot!

Business travel is always a hassle, but a necessary evil for many of us. Especially those of us in the ad sales game. There are always numerous clients to visit, conventions to attend, and other various business functions in different places. I used to actually enjoy flying, as I still like to visit different cities across the USA and see the sights when I have the time. It used to be a lot of fun. Yet, nowadays air travel makes me want to strangle people! I think many of us feel that way. At least now we have the option to stay connected up in the air. I am using the plane’s WiFi and typing this all in real-time as it’s happening. Continue reading Ranting away at 30,000 feet in the air. Heat, farts, and biz travel.

Moist Balls! I don’t think anybody saw that coming!

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Well, the past few months have been quite a change for me. I don’t think many people saw that coming. Not even myself!

Who the heck would have thought that I would make a major life change such as abstaining from red meats, chicken, pork, and most booze. All the things that give me the warm fuzzies. Well, as for the booze let’s just say I cut back significantly, but ain’t no way I’m giving up a tasty cold brew now and then. Especially with warm swampass weather already hitting NYC.

Oh yeah, what the heck is Mother Nature doing? Not only do we get her bi-polar ass messing with the whole Winter, then screwing up our Spring when it seemed like the ice age was making a comeback, but now she is subjecting us to premature SWAMPASS heat! Sorry, but it’s not supposed to be close to 90 degrees in May! Well, there goes my electric bill. The air conditioning in our apartment has been working overtime already. I like to sleep in comfortable sub-arctic conditions. If I can see my breath in the air while laying in bed I’m a happy boy! Just throw on a comforter and a blanket and wrap yourself in. Boom. Like one giant pink naked “pig in a blanket”. (Damn, I miss eating those.)

No one wants to have moist balls. MOIST BALLS. Yes, MOIST. Yeah, I said it. That WORD. (I know how so many people hate that word.) Good, now you all have the image of my balls being moist in your mind. You’re welcome. Moist. Continue reading Moist Balls! I don’t think anybody saw that coming!

Snowmageddon 2016! Buy All The Stuff In NYC!

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Oh, come on now people! They are talking a little snowfall and everyone is acting as if in panic apocalypse mode at the supermarkets!

We have had nothing but mild weather this winter so far so no one should be complaining about the recent spate of colder air. Heck, its January 21, don’t you all think that old man icy butt himself would show up sooner or later? I was wearing shorts and a t-shirt the day before Christmas. Doesn’t that alarm anyone? I’m not saying that global warming is a thing, but when I’m almost naked running through the streets of NYC when I should be bundled up like an Eskimo perhaps there might be a bit of a cause for concern?

It’s pretty interesting to observe how a snow forecast can dissolve the resolve of even the most hearty individuals into frantically frightened nincompoops. I experienced this first hand last night when I dropped into the supermarket to pick up some things for dinner. Here it was only Wednesday and the store was packed as everyone was in a mad dash to glom every carton of eggs, gallon of milk, and roll of toilet paper in sight! How much can one poop in two days? Do people think that we are going to be stranded as a civilization for months upon months with no supplies when all we are forecasted to receive is around 12 inches of snow? Manhattan might only get 4-6 inches. What is wrong with people? This ain’t Castaway where we will all go insane and end up talking to a volleyball. Wilson!!! Continue reading Snowmageddon 2016! Buy All The Stuff In NYC!