Tag Archives: flying

Ranting away at 30,000 feet in the air. Heat, farts, and biz travel.

993958216-plane-crash-procedures-funny-quotes1

Escaping NYC for a few days and heading to Las Vegas for a biz trip. Normally, that would be all fine and dandy except for the fact that it’s a raging inferno of heat there this week! Temps soaring close to 110 degrees each day makes for extreme swamp ass!

Dry air my ass! Hot is hot!

Business travel is always a hassle, but a necessary evil for many of us. Especially those of us in the ad sales game. There are always numerous clients to visit, conventions to attend, and other various business functions in different places. I used to actually enjoy flying, as I still like to visit different cities across the USA and see the sights when I have the time. It used to be a lot of fun. Yet, nowadays air travel makes me want to strangle people! I think many of us feel that way. At least now we have the option to stay connected up in the air. I am using the plane’s WiFi and typing this all in real-time as it’s happening. Continue reading Ranting away at 30,000 feet in the air. Heat, farts, and biz travel.

Up in the air at 30,000 feet with a demon child!

this-ice-cream-k1hiyq
Well, here we go again. Off on a biz trip and jet-setting to wonderfully fabulous glitzy Las Vegas! Yeah, I wish. I’m actually sitting on a crowded flight on my way to steamy hot humid Florida to attend a convention and then spend a few days with the parental units. Accompanying us on this plane is the demon child from Hades. I need a stiff drink already.

You know, Florida, the clown car of a state that if the Jerry Springer show had invented it would be a perfect setting for the next Sharnado movie. Heck, I like the cheesy Sharknado movies. The next one should be based in Disney World, and have flying sharks and zombies attacking and eating the tourists. B-list guest stars like Shaq, Snoop Dog, the Olsen Twins, the crew of The Love Boat, and The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills all get devoured or help save the day. Even a drunken John Stamos shows up in a cameo to get pulled over with another DUI, and gets swallowed whole by a Great White as he is doing the drunk “walk the line” test. Yet, I kid Florida. I kid. Hey, if not for Florida and Vegas the show COPS would have never existed. That there’s quality programming folks. Continue reading Up in the air at 30,000 feet with a demon child!

Snow, Selfies, Fires, Sniffing Glue – Another Week in NYC!

 

546529

As I am sitting here in my favorite coffee shop on the Upper East Side on this cold and blustery NYC morning I’m looking out the window and pondering the sweet mysteries of life. Most notably right now I’m watching the wind blow around the snow flurries that are coming down. Snow! God damn snow! It’s supposed to be Spring dammit! Go away Winter, enough already. I’ll be the first to admit I do like the colder dry air of the winter season but this is getting on my last nerve. All I ask for now is a few days of sunny weather in the 50’s at this point. Is that asking too much? Oh great, now it’s really coming down. It looks like we’re inside a giant snow globe. It’s 33 and snowing out yet there are some idiots walking by wearing shorts. People here are getting so pissed off at the weather they are rebelling. That’s all cool as I’m kind of like that too, but I’m not dumb enough to go out and catch pneumonia. As they saying goes, I might be dumb but I ain’t stupid! Continue reading Snow, Selfies, Fires, Sniffing Glue – Another Week in NYC!

Flying the crazy skies and losing my mind ever so slowly.

memes-airplane-nagger

I happen to fly occasionally on biz trips and it never amazes me what I observe on these planes and in airports. It seems as if many people, or sub-humans as it were, refuse to adhere to the rules of common courtesy. Life if hard enough as it is but when travelling the unfriendly skies it can get downright excruciating! There are always a select few that just get me in the gonads with a swift kick. Many times it’s the idiot seated next to me or close by that I can’t escape. I just don’t get why some people can’t just chill out for a few hours while travelling to our destinations while trapped in a metal tube that resembles a Tylenol pill with wings at 30,000 feet. Once again I jetted to Vegas last week for biz and had to deal with the normal set of humanoids on my flight. Oh joy! Let us take roll call!

1)  The Line Smuggler. Yeah, the nimrod who feels as if they are too good to wait on the line for general boarding and tries to sneak in on the priority lane. When told they can’t board yet they sneakily just move over two feet and cut to the front of the line of all those already waiting. I really hope you choke on a mini-bag of peanuts you schmuck. Continue reading Flying the crazy skies and losing my mind ever so slowly.