Tag Archives: Flu

Karma, Schadenfreude, and Laughing at Winter Morons in NYC.



I just can’t help myself. Call it being evil, lack of compassion, or just plain juvenile. I get a kick out of other’s minor misfortunes. Namely, those that deserve it here in NYC. You know the types. Those who are overly self centered, inconsiderate, snarky, or just plain douchebags. Nothing wrong with a good chuckle at their misfortune. Then again, I laugh at pretty much anyone when the time, and ridiculous circumstances arise. Lord knows I have had my share of mishaps that had people giggling at my displeasure. I have slipped and fallen flat on my back, strepped into piles of dog poop that engulfed my whole foot, and even walked through a plate glass door. Oh, that last one has happened a few times. How I’m not stitched up like Frankenstein escapes me. I know karma is a bitch, but I still have at it when seeing someone first hand do something dumb, or have something idiotic happen to them. Winter season here in NYC is such a great time to people watch and get my jollies. Here are a few that get my funny bone going. Schadenfreude is my co-pilot. Continue reading Karma, Schadenfreude, and Laughing at Winter Morons in NYC.

Hey NYC parents – your spawn are not my problem!

Just be warned in case you ask me to watch your kid......
Just be warned in case you ask me to watch your kid……

Did she just really ask me to watch her spawn from Hell? Now, I am a responsible kind of fellow, and maybe I have that composure of which people seem to trust me for some reason. Yet, here I am baffled as to why someone would entrust a complete stranger with their DNA which plopped out from between their legs in a moment of excruciating agony. Hey, that was your choice lady, not mine. I am childfree by choice, and live a totally fulfilling life, thank you very much. The last thing I want to do is watch your crying, screaming, annoying child while you head to the bathroom to take a dump. Now don’t get me wrong, as I don’t hate childen, no really, but I am just not parent material. People constantly tell me and my gal that I look like I’d make a great dad. Bwahahahahaha! Yeah, this guy who still likes to go out drinking too much, partying too hard, and lives life on a whim. Sorry, I just don’t want to be trapped and looking miserable as I see so many parents here in NYC are. You know the type. They are pushing an oversized baby carriage, or carrying around their kid in a sack on their chest like an albatross around their necks. That forlorn look of despair in their eyes with a silent cry for help as they desperately seek an escape from the eternal situation they got themselves into. As I view these people I can only wonder if they rue the day they discarded their freedom in a moment of breeding frenzy. All it takes is a minute of ejactulatory bliss in exchange for twenty years of a parental jail sentence. Awww heck no. Sorry, it’s just not for me. Continue reading Hey NYC parents – your spawn are not my problem!

Really? Christmas, the Flu, NYC Road Rage. What is going on?


Really, wasn’t it Halloween just less than a week ago? I literally still have the taste of this holiday in my mouth as there are plastic buckets full of candy and chocolates strewn about the office I work in and I just can’t keep my hands out of them. Chocolate drool down my chin. This time of year really tests my resolve which is disappearing as the days go on. First Halloween, then Thanksgiving, which then leads to Christmas and New Years. There are only 47 days until Christmas! Only 7 weeks. Just 7 weekends to get all that horrendous shopping done. Hold on now, let’s backtrack a bit. Halloween just ended. What gets me all riled up is that we are already getting bombarded with holiday commercials and Christmas merchandise in the stores. What the eff??? Really, can we just enjoy each holiday first before having the next one shoved down our throats and ripped through our buttholes? Why am I seeing ads for toys and gifts at the major retailers on October 28th? Why does my local Duane Reade already have boxes of Christmas wrap in the windows on November 5th? This lunacy needs to end right now! What’s next? July 4th sales the day after New Years? How about Christmas ads for 2015 the day after Easter? Makes me want to go all Bigfoot on these places and start throwing poop everywhere. Continue reading Really? Christmas, the Flu, NYC Road Rage. What is going on?

Projectile vomiting and getting sick in NYC!


Getting sick really sucks when living in NYC. Yeah, I know it pretty much sucks anywhere you live and get sick, but it absolutely kills me when I am projectile vomiting across the streets of Manhattan. I’m the type that never really falls ill, so when it does happen it’s a total shock to my system. It’s not just the fact of feeling like dog poop, but it’s also knowing that I’m stuck inside for days while the world is going on outside my apartment in NYC. No matter how many years I have lived here now I still feel a certain rush of excitement when stepping out for the night whether it be for dinner, a movie, an event, hitting Central park, or just plain old bar hopping. Also, I just happened to get sick right when the weather changed and Spring poked it’s head out from behind the dreary doldroms of Winter’s grasp. So when we had a few nicer days out this past week I was literally nauseous green with envy as I languished in bed or just couch surfed for days while working from home. Also, I can’t forget the numerous misadventures to the vomitorium that used to be my bathroom. I swear that room looked like a scene from one of the Saw movies after I was done with it. Continue reading Projectile vomiting and getting sick in NYC!