Tag Archives: Fart

Ranting away at 30,000 feet in the air. Heat, farts, and biz travel.

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Escaping NYC for a few days and heading to Las Vegas for a biz trip. Normally, that would be all fine and dandy except for the fact that it’s a raging inferno of heat there this week! Temps soaring close to 110 degrees each day makes for extreme swamp ass!

Dry air my ass! Hot is hot!

Business travel is always a hassle, but a necessary evil for many of us. Especially those of us in the ad sales game. There are always numerous clients to visit, conventions to attend, and other various business functions in different places. I used to actually enjoy flying, as I still like to visit different cities across the USA and see the sights when I have the time. It used to be a lot of fun. Yet, nowadays air travel makes me want to strangle people! I think many of us feel that way. At least now we have the option to stay connected up in the air. I am using the plane’s WiFi and typing this all in real-time as it’s happening. Continue reading Ranting away at 30,000 feet in the air. Heat, farts, and biz travel.

Happy White People Getting Drunk Day! Cinco de Mayo!

Cinco de Mayo

Happy White People Getting Drunk Day!

Here we are again at another borderline holiday that really makes no sense at all here in NYC, or in all of the United States really. It’s just another excuse for white people, bro’s and fratties, among legions of suburbanites, to go out and get shit-faced on cheap tequila, margaritas, and Coronas! Now, I’m not saying that myself or my friends have never done the sombrero crawl on May 5th partying it up for Cinco de Mayo, but I’m pretty much over the amateur hour of drunkenness to celebrate a long ago Mexican battle. The date is actually observed to commemorate the Mexican army’s improbable victory over French forces at the Battle of Puebla on May 5, 1862. It’s a sense of pride for many in that country. It is NOT Mexico’s Independence Day, which is on September 16th. Just sayin’.

Then again, does anyone really care here in the States? Not really, as it’s just another reason to go out after work and get polluted while eating at bad Mexican restaurants and feasting on nachos and tacos. We all love tacos! There are so many ways to make them – meat, fish, vegan – that there is something for everyone’s tastes. Helps soak up all the booze too. Here’s another fun fact – it’s also Taco Tuesday! Continue reading Happy White People Getting Drunk Day! Cinco de Mayo!

Do girls poop? That, and other NYC mysteries of flatulence.

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Do girls poop? I was recently confronted with that question and still pondering an answer. Does anyone really know? It’s one of those mysteries of the universe. When dating we never really see them go to the bathroom to take a hairy dump. If they do go it’s usually for a quick pee so there is no way they can squeeze out a quick one in that time. Not like us dudes as we can clip off some cable in minutes and be right back at the dinner table without missing a beat. Plus, don’t even suggest they go in a public place! That is akin to heresy! Here in NYC there is a definite lack of clean public restrooms to use other than finding a Starbucks without a line of people waiting as long as at the DMV. Even some of those can be pretty scary at times. Women will actually hold it in all day than sacrifice sitting their butt flesh on a foreign toilet seat. Just do the hover! I could never do that to myself. Guys are like bears and the whole city is our woods, or toilet bowl so to speak. I have discovered some ingenious spots to get relief – hotels, restaurants, gyms, porta potties, behind a parked car, etc. Oh, don’t ever ask a girl to go in a porta pottie unless you want to experience the “stink eye” and a smack upside your head. A porta pottie to a women is pretty much the last resort, and like asking them to enter the third portal of Hell itself. There are some things that just can not be unseen in them. Continue reading Do girls poop? That, and other NYC mysteries of flatulence.

Flying the crazy skies and losing my mind ever so slowly.

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I happen to fly occasionally on biz trips and it never amazes me what I observe on these planes and in airports. It seems as if many people, or sub-humans as it were, refuse to adhere to the rules of common courtesy. Life if hard enough as it is but when travelling the unfriendly skies it can get downright excruciating! There are always a select few that just get me in the gonads with a swift kick. Many times it’s the idiot seated next to me or close by that I can’t escape. I just don’t get why some people can’t just chill out for a few hours while travelling to our destinations while trapped in a metal tube that resembles a Tylenol pill with wings at 30,000 feet. Once again I jetted to Vegas last week for biz and had to deal with the normal set of humanoids on my flight. Oh joy! Let us take roll call!

1)  The Line Smuggler. Yeah, the nimrod who feels as if they are too good to wait on the line for general boarding and tries to sneak in on the priority lane. When told they can’t board yet they sneakily just move over two feet and cut to the front of the line of all those already waiting. I really hope you choke on a mini-bag of peanuts you schmuck. Continue reading Flying the crazy skies and losing my mind ever so slowly.