Tag Archives: Elf on a Shelf

Hey, where have you been?

Damn, it’s been a while since I have cracked open the computer to scribble down my thoughts and meanderings of life. Seems as good a time as any considering the elements outside have projectile vomited everything in Mother Nature’s stomach at us!

Let’s get real. It’s a weather disaster of a night here in the Northeast. Snow and icy wet conditions have made the evening commute a living Hell for many.  3 + hours trapped in cars crawling along at what is normally a 45 minute trek. Subways and mass transit facing sporadic massive delays. Accidents everywhere. Trees down. It’s really not a great night to go outside and do anything. I bet even Mayor Dumblasio is whining about not being able to go to his gym all the way in Brooklyn tomorrow because he actually has to run the city during a snowstorm. Hey, great job Mr Mayor at doing the crappiest job possible and being totally unprepared for this storm. Of course, he blames the weather forecast. Thumbs up! Continue reading Hey, where have you been?

The Zen of Egg Nog in a Griswold Christmas Kind of World

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Christmas, yes, we are here again. There are those who embrace the holidays and those who shudder at the thought of them. Hey, at least it’s almost hitting 70 degrees here in NYC. In December. Yeah, there’s no such thing as global warming you say? Time to break out the mistletoe speedos and throw a shrimp on the barbie!

When someone offers you egg nog at a friend or family’s house you drink the nog. Especially if it has real booze in it. Because nog dammit! Don’t worry about the fat and calories. Just release your gluttonous desires and drink up! It’s Christmas time! Break out the sweatpants!

Oh, and if National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation or Elf is on TV you watch them. It’s tradition, and also because they are goofy fun. Why watch the depressing It’s a Wonderful Life when you can view Cousin Eddie driving Clark Griswold absolutely nuts. Pop open the Jack Daniels egg nog and drink it right out of the bottle. Squirrel! Continue reading The Zen of Egg Nog in a Griswold Christmas Kind of World

Buffalo Snow, Elf on a Shelf, Cocaine – All kinds of crazy stuff!

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Am I the only one that loathes the bombardment of Christmas commercials and decorations that we are subjected to these weeks before Thanksgiving? It’s already been one of those weeks here in NYC and I feel as if I’m being abused by the Elf on the Shelf. Now let’s be real here for a moment. That damn thing is creepy. No way do I want a psychopath elf in my house. I don’t know why this strange tradition was started anyway. It’s supposed to be moved to a different spot each night or something. Yeah, let’s traumatize our kids. No, let’s terrorize me because if that little bastard shows up in a different spot other than where I left him I’m burning down the damn house! I freak out a bit when I can’t find my keys and swear something moved them. Anyone remember that evil little Zuni fetish doll in the movie Trilogy of Terror? Yeah THAT evil effing thing that chased Karen Black around and attacked her. I just know that damn elf is the reincarnation of that crazy little shit. Waiting. Plotting. He’s as bad as a creepy clown.

Almost. Clowns suck too. And dolls. They also suck. Nope. Nope. Noppity Nope. Continue reading Buffalo Snow, Elf on a Shelf, Cocaine – All kinds of crazy stuff!