Tag Archives: cold

Karma, Schadenfreude, and Laughing at Winter Morons in NYC.

 

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I just can’t help myself. Call it being evil, lack of compassion, or just plain juvenile. I get a kick out of other’s minor misfortunes. Namely, those that deserve it here in NYC. You know the types. Those who are overly self centered, inconsiderate, snarky, or just plain douchebags. Nothing wrong with a good chuckle at their misfortune. Then again, I laugh at pretty much anyone when the time, and ridiculous circumstances arise. Lord knows I have had my share of mishaps that had people giggling at my displeasure. I have slipped and fallen flat on my back, strepped into piles of dog poop that engulfed my whole foot, and even walked through a plate glass door. Oh, that last one has happened a few times. How I’m not stitched up like Frankenstein escapes me. I know karma is a bitch, but I still have at it when seeing someone first hand do something dumb, or have something idiotic happen to them. Winter season here in NYC is such a great time to people watch and get my jollies. Here are a few that get my funny bone going. Schadenfreude is my co-pilot. Continue reading Karma, Schadenfreude, and Laughing at Winter Morons in NYC.

Hey NYC parents – your spawn are not my problem!

Just be warned in case you ask me to watch your kid......
Just be warned in case you ask me to watch your kid……

Did she just really ask me to watch her spawn from Hell? Now, I am a responsible kind of fellow, and maybe I have that composure of which people seem to trust me for some reason. Yet, here I am baffled as to why someone would entrust a complete stranger with their DNA which plopped out from between their legs in a moment of excruciating agony. Hey, that was your choice lady, not mine. I am childfree by choice, and live a totally fulfilling life, thank you very much. The last thing I want to do is watch your crying, screaming, annoying child while you head to the bathroom to take a dump. Now don’t get me wrong, as I don’t hate childen, no really, but I am just not parent material. People constantly tell me and my gal that I look like I’d make a great dad. Bwahahahahaha! Yeah, this guy who still likes to go out drinking too much, partying too hard, and lives life on a whim. Sorry, I just don’t want to be trapped and looking miserable as I see so many parents here in NYC are. You know the type. They are pushing an oversized baby carriage, or carrying around their kid in a sack on their chest like an albatross around their necks. That forlorn look of despair in their eyes with a silent cry for help as they desperately seek an escape from the eternal situation they got themselves into. As I view these people I can only wonder if they rue the day they discarded their freedom in a moment of breeding frenzy. All it takes is a minute of ejactulatory bliss in exchange for twenty years of a parental jail sentence. Awww heck no. Sorry, it’s just not for me. Continue reading Hey NYC parents – your spawn are not my problem!

Hey, look, more snow on the way! Yay! Now go kill yourself.

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Well, here we are on February 16th here in NYC and it’s 24 degrees this morning. Sure, it is only February which is winter you know. Hey, I’m not complaining since at least it’s not snowing. I don’t mind the cold air and it is sunny outside. I think all of us in this part of the country are just getting sick of seeing snow. So far NYC has seen double the normal amount of the white stuff. Yeah, there are those who love snow, and think it’s all beautiful, picturesque, blah, blah, blah. Then there are those who live for the winter sports season and brag about all the great skiing and snowboarding they have been enjoying. Please, go away and shut the eff up. Those of us who would rather be on a beach with a cold drink or on a jet ski don’t want to hear it. The snow is not pretty anymore. It’s all dirty and grimy looking and a slushy mess here in the city. It’s not fun to play in anymore as the novelty has worn off. I want to walk around without my shoes turning into filth, and the bottoms of my pants looking like I just stepped into a small pond. Oh, and don’t forget those unmaneuverable lakes that show up on every street corner that are impossible to get around unless you have rain boots on, or are one of those freakishly tall NBA players and can walk over them. Plus, I have slipped and landed on my ass twice already. Yup, Spring can’t get here soon enough!

Ok, I get it. I do realize that it is still winter. It’s supposed to be cold and snowy. Yet, this one feels like a bad joke. Here are some pics I found on the net that pretty much sum up our feelings of this winter so far. Nothing like enjoying a lazy Sunday morning with a hot cup of coffee and blogging naked in a warm apartment……. Continue reading Hey, look, more snow on the way! Yay! Now go kill yourself.

One day I’m gonna smack someone upside the head in NYC!

34737354It’s one of those days when I woke up to a head cold and feel like crapola. I just want to drink a bottle of Nyquil and crawl back under the covers and go to sleep for three days. Since I have very little tolerance for the stuff anyway usually a full cap full will do the trick. Alas, since I am going away on vacation this Friday to see the parental units in Florida I need to be at work and get a lot accomplished before I head out on my favorite US airline – JetBlue. Gotta have my snacks and in-flight TV! Plus, I need to be rested and well for a trip to the Disney Parks. When you have mom and dad with you for five days in DisneyWorld things can get a bit crazed and nerves can be frayed. Those of you out there who deal with cray cray parents on a daily basis know what I mean. At least Epcot has the Wine & Beer Expo going on, so that will be one afternoon I will be intoxicated and numb to all around me! Hey Mom – you’re driving! Me and Dad are getting crunk!

Anyhoo, in honor of my stuffed nose and achy head I think it’s time for a bit of ranting and raving. Just going to work today I noticed some things that put me in a more foul mood than this cold already has me in. It’s one of those days when I just want to “smack someone upside the head” observing some of the things I see people do that annoy me in NYC. Continue reading One day I’m gonna smack someone upside the head in NYC!