Tag Archives: cold

Tide Pods, Hot Cocoa, Naughty Words, and My Frozen Kibbly Bits.

Eat up kids! Yummy yum yum!

Why do I put myself through this?

That was the thought that ran through my mind as the wind ripped across my back, and sent a shiver down to my bones, as if Mother Nature herself pummeled me with snowballs. The weather had been a bit warmer here in NYC, so I decided to jump into the NYCRUNS Cocoa Classic 5K in Riverside Park on a Saturday morning a few weekends ago. Well, warmer by winter standards as it had been in the 30’s and 40’s most of the week leading up to the race. I had no clue, as was the case with many of the other race participants I encountered, that the temps would take an overnight nose-dive into the teens. At race time it was 19 degrees, with a wind chill that made it feel half that. Also, considering it was already windy and the race course was in the park along the water, surely made for a mind-numbing frigid run. Thank goodness it was a sunny clear day out.

Can we say, “frostbite conditions”? More like “freezing our kibbles and bits off”! That’s putting it lightly! Continue reading Tide Pods, Hot Cocoa, Naughty Words, and My Frozen Kibbly Bits.

Happy 2018! New Me. New You. Oh, Stop The BS!

First things first. Happy New Year! Here’s to a healthy, happy, safe, and prosperous 2018!

I don’t know where you all live, but it’s freaking cold here in the Northeast. As cold as a polar bear’s anus. Colder than Jack Frost’s taint. So cold that my sphincter packed up and moved to Miami for the winter! All it left behind was a post-it note telling me it decided to live the life of a “snow bird”. Adios amigo!

I won’t even tell you where it adhered the note to. Let’s just say it was a rude awakening when I got up this morning and stumbled half asleep into the bathroom. Inconsiderate bastard didn’t even say goodbye! That’s what I get for all those years of a “soft touch” and Cottonelle. No appreciation whatsoever! Continue reading Happy 2018! New Me. New You. Oh, Stop The BS!

It was shrinkage, Jerry! Shrinkage! It was cold outside!

Holy crap, what the heck am I doing out here in 26 degree weather? I think I’ve made a huge mistake!

My slightly warped mind always seems to head back to that episode of Seinfeld. Whenever I am subjected to some pretty brutal weather conditions which makes my nether regions retreat up into my body like a turtle hiding in it’s shell. When it’s that cold outside in NYC, “shrinkage” is the appropriate reasoning for any gent trying to defend the rationale of “diminished manhood”!

I was shrinkage, Jerry! SHRINKAGE!!! Continue reading It was shrinkage, Jerry! Shrinkage! It was cold outside!

Gonna freeze my nuts off for charity! Cupid’s Undie Run!

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Holy crap what is going on with this weather in NYC? I’m gonna freeze my nuts off tomorrow running outside in the Cupid’s Undie Run! It’s for a great cause so kids with Neurofibromatosis (NF), also known as children’s tumors, can grow up happy and healthy. Worth a bit of shrinkage and hard perky nipples wouldn’t you agree?

Yeah, I’m basically gonna be freezing my man-buns off as I strip down to my underpants to be a part of the Cupid’s Undie Run in the cold on February 13th in NYC along with many others contributing to this children’s cause. So here I am getting talked into doing this after running Warrior Dashes and Tough Mudders. In my undies. In the dead of Winter. At least there will be no obstacles this time. Just some extremely cold air that has invaded the NYC area which would make a polar bear pack up and move to Florida. I think I can handle that. Just have to get through a 1.5 mile run and hit the bar with all my fellow runners and teammates afterwards. Hot toddies please! (I might pour one down my underwear after this run!)

This is the last chance to donate to such a worthwhile cause, and it’s for the kids! Any amount is so appreciated. Link to my charity page –

http://my.cupids.org/PhilipHoltberg

Look, all the talk about shrinkage is real. I need to keep my junk warm so I will have some layers and stuffing going on down there. No one wants a frostbitten hotdog and coconuts! Ouch! Continue reading Gonna freeze my nuts off for charity! Cupid’s Undie Run!