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Go screw your 2014 New Year’s Resolutions!

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Every year it seems we are all pressured to come up with New Year’s resolutions as if trying to enrich our lives and send us on a path of health and inner happiness. We are trapped into a way of thinking that if we make a list of idiotic things to acccomplish that our lives, and those around us, will be all for the better. I call BS on that! Not one year in my life have I actually accomplished any resolution I made on New Year’s day. Do you all realize how hard it really is? Then, we all get that abject feeling of failure that inevitably accompanies each resolution downfall. Well, I for one say “NO MORE”! It’s time to do away with this stupid tradition and come up with a better plan. Therefore, I propose to you that we set up a list of “Anti-Resolutions” for the New Year! Things that we can honestly have a chance of succeeding at. Think of it as the “Festivus” of New Year’s!

Here is my list of Anti-Resolutions that I know I will accomplish –

1. Eat more bacon. There is no way in Hell that I will blow this one. How can I not succeed? It’s the meat candy of the world and I would bathe in it if I could. Continue reading Go screw your 2014 New Year’s Resolutions!

Mr Sandman must hate New Yorkers

rod-smart-he-hate-me-nflMr Sandman. He hate me.

I seem to have a love/hate relationship with Mr Sandman lately. I love sleep, but I think he hates me. Recently, I have been trying to go to bed a bit earlier just to get some extra shut eye. Of course, now when I do that I can’t fall alseep right away. Like many of us I have developed a bad habit of watching tv until 2 or 3am and falling asleep on the couch. That’s ok for my fiancee’ Stacey as she claims I snore so loud she is one night going to kill me in my sleep. She goes to bed first and gets to sleep for a few hours before I come in and unleash all Hell upon her with my sounds of sleep ecstasy. I really don’t believe her, as how come I never hear it? I think she is hallucinating. If she reads this post I think she will put a pillow over my snoring face and send me to sleep with the fishes.
Continue reading Mr Sandman must hate New Yorkers