Epic NYC snowstorm that was a blast from the past!
Some of you spoiled millennials whining and crying about the snow, the harsh winter, the sudden cold, and not being able to go out need to get a grip. Waaah – I can’t get to Starbucks! Waaah – I can’t go to brunch today!
This past decade has seen so many mild winters you have no clue. Crap, it was 70 on Christmas here. What more do you want? This winter has been like a flaccid penis until this fluffer of a storm dropped to its knees and went to work in front of Old Man Winter. Yeah, Jonas has no shame. He worked hard for every inch.
Back in my day we normally had winter snowstorms every week, for months, and walked miles to school, uphill, with bare feet, then walked ten miles into town and worked hard labor, and then walked back home in the middle of another blizzard! Hey you kids – off my lawn!
Jeezus people, where’s your toughness? Where’s your sacks hung like bowling balls? It’s only about 30 inches of snow. This is NYC. They will start plowing all day and night and by Sunday afternoon the main roads will be cleared, side roads will be mostly plowed, and sidewalks will be shoveled. Just avoid the massive slush ponds that form on street corners as the snow melts in the sun. I do laugh when people stupidly walk into them and soak their feet, socks, and shoes up past their ankles. That makes for a bad day! ( And a good chuckle for me. Yes, I am evil. )
Sucks if you live in the suburbs as you’re screwed for the next few months. Have fun out there! Hahahahaha! Funny though when you see those mountains of dirty black icy snow in the mall parking lots still melting in May.
My shopping the day before consisted of beer, booze, Pop Tarts, Cheetos, and cupcakes. Yeah, I prepared well. Why worry about nutrition when you’re staying inside all day wearing sweats. Put the big pants on and enjoy every calorific bite!
As for me, I sat on the couch Friday night, watched John Wick in front of my large flat screen TV, and enjoyed a bottle of small batch maple bourbon as the snowfall started. Woke up on Saturday, made coffee, pancakes, and plopped back on the couch. Did some Netflix and chill. Ordered a burger and fries for lunch. Had some more booze. Ordered Chinese for dinner. ( Oh, and another perk of living in the city – diners and Chinese joints never close and will deliver in a blizzard. So much win over the burbs! )
Later on kicked back with a bottle of wine and some pastries. Watched more TV. Just couch surfed all day. Why bother going outside? No need to. It was a blizzard out there. Drank a lot of booze. Looked out the window a few times to view the snow. Even opened it to reach out and make a snowball.
Had to touch Jonas’ balls at least once.
Damn, that dude is hung. 26 inches ain’t no joke.
There’s a porno joke here somewhere…….