Snowstorm Jonas had one huge set of snowballs on him!

 

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Epic NYC snowstorm that was a blast from the past!

Some of you spoiled millennials whining and crying about the snow, the harsh winter, the sudden cold, and not being able to go out need to get a grip. Waaah – I can’t get to Starbucks! Waaah – I can’t go to brunch today!

This past decade has seen so many mild winters you have no clue. Crap, it was 70 on Christmas here. What more do you want? This winter has been like a flaccid penis until this fluffer of a storm dropped to its knees and went to work in front of Old Man Winter. Yeah, Jonas has no shame. He worked hard for every inch.

Back in my day we normally had winter snowstorms every week, for months, and walked miles to school, uphill, with bare feet, then walked ten miles into town and worked hard labor, and then walked back home in the middle of another blizzard! Hey you kids – off my lawn!

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Don’t people realize by now that all you need during a snowstorm is in the bottom pic?

Jeezus people, where’s your toughness? Where’s your sacks hung like bowling balls? It’s only about 30 inches of snow. This is NYC. They will start plowing all day and night and by Sunday afternoon the main roads will be cleared, side roads will be mostly plowed, and sidewalks will be shoveled. Just avoid the massive slush ponds that form on street corners as the snow melts in the sun. I do laugh when people stupidly walk into them and soak their feet, socks, and shoes up past their ankles. That makes for a bad day! ( And a good chuckle for me. Yes, I am evil. )

Sucks if you live in the suburbs as you’re screwed for the next few months. Have fun out there! Hahahahaha! Funny though when you see those mountains of dirty black icy snow in the mall parking lots still melting in May.

My shopping the day before consisted of beer, booze, Pop Tarts, Cheetos, and cupcakes. Yeah, I prepared well. Why worry about nutrition when you’re staying inside all day wearing sweats. Put the big pants on and enjoy every calorific bite!

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Not kidding kids, this shit is delish! It’s like a boozy dessert.

As for me, I sat on the couch Friday night, watched John Wick in front of my large flat screen TV, and enjoyed a bottle of small batch maple bourbon as the snowfall started. Woke up on Saturday, made coffee, pancakes, and plopped back on the couch. Did some Netflix and chill. Ordered a burger and fries for lunch. Had some more booze. Ordered Chinese for dinner. ( Oh, and another perk of living in the city – diners and Chinese joints never close and will deliver in a blizzard. So much win over the burbs! )

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Proper snowstorm dinner. Cupcakes from Two Little Red Hens in NYC and Texas wine from Dry Comal Creek. There is no nutrition during a blizzard. For the friggin’ win!

Later on kicked back with a bottle of wine and some pastries. Watched more TV. Just couch surfed all day. Why bother going outside? No need to. It was a blizzard out there. Drank a lot of booze. Looked out the window a few times to view the snow. Even opened it to reach out and make a snowball.

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Ready for his money shot!

 

 

 

Had to touch Jonas’ balls at least once.

Damn, that dude is hung. 26 inches ain’t no joke.

There’s a porno joke here somewhere…….

25 thoughts on “Snowstorm Jonas had one huge set of snowballs on him!”

  1. I can’t even… I really want to be offended by this post, but it’s hard when I sniggered through the whole read.

    I did send messages to my kids (DC & NYC) to see if they survived. No problem, my daughter in DC said. “We have plenty of diapers and wine. We’re good.”

  2. Happy to see things are cozy and cushy in NYC Phil, especially given your childhood tracking blizzards all up hill for miles, in bare feet, while doing hard labor. Enjoy the Knob Creek. I’m off to pile up the wood for a huge crackling fire, and here in the burbs we got room to stash up all the booz we want!

    1. Hey Peggy!

      I kid on the burbs but I do also have family out there. Some still have a ton of snow, and here in Manhattan its pretty much melted away.

      Sounds like you had a great day snow plan yourself! Fireplace and booze. That’s the life.

  3. I was thinking about you this morning as I waded through the photo show from the East Coast that’s splashed across my internet home page. I’m glad you’re safe and fatter because of it.

    Who are all of those stupid people out there driving minivans on iced-slicked roads in a blizzard wearing only a hoodie over their t-shirt and jeans? Seriousy? Where are they all going?

    Be careful out there and watch out for the crazies.

    Patricia Rickrode
    w/a Jansen Schmidt

    1. Hey Patricia!

      Overall, it really wasn’t that bad and mostly gone in Manhattan after a few days. Yeah, there were a few idiots who tried to drive, or go out in that mess when it was happening. We just hunkered down and drank so good wine all day!

  4. Lots of snow here in central VA–and saw NYC snapchats from my daughter. Well her window. She was “too bored” to move. Haha. On Friday, I also made a grocery run for essentials: chips and ice cream. I have no problem with weather induced couch time! 🙂

    1. Hey Coleen!

      Yup – we have family in Alexandria and they got hit hard there too. Yup – it was a couch surfing day with snacks and booze. Perfect day to devour lots of calories!

  5. Phil, glad to see you were able to shovel out your sense of humor! When the weather goes to sh*t it’s best to stay inside and be well provisioned – sounds like you planned well. The bourbon whiskey looks good, it probably could melt a couple of inches of the snow all by itself. Take care and stay clear of the amateurs!

    1. Hey Clay!

      When we get this kind of snowstorm I welcome the chance to stay in and veg out on the couch. Perfect day to get some laundry done, drink and eat a lot, and channel surf the boob tube. Was a fine day to me!

  6. Seems like a nice way to ride off the storm:) It never snows in Dubai, so it’s easy to forget he pleasures of a good old fashioned snowstorm (such as ordering home delivery and drink wine):)

    1. Hey Mitzie!

      We have had such mild winters here in NYC over these past years it’s nice to have a good old fashioned snowstorm. Heck, it was about 70 here on Christmas!

  7. LOL, I am enjoying everyones weather posts. Business as usual here in coastal NC. Take out in a blizzard sounds wonderful, especially all the goodies you ordered. I’m definitely intrigued by the “patiently crafted” boozy dessert.

    1. Hey Kenya!

      Everyone gets all crazy when a snowfall hits, but it’s never really that bad. After a day here where I live all the roads were plowed and sidewalks shoveled. (except Queens – but that was another story)

      We even had our local diner and Chinese joint delivering. Still, it was a good reason to stay in, eat and drink!

    1. Hey Cassandra!

      Yeah, you guys got hammered up there last year. Overall, even though it was a lot it’s almost gone already as temps went right back into the 40’s and sunny. Crazy weather.

  8. All you city folk getting all up in arms for a dusting of snow. What the heck? Upstate, that’s one of those “storms” that make us actually bring out a snowblower! Outside of that, shovel it up and be gone with it!

    Missed us up here, though. I’m sure we’ll get whacked at some point. Always happens. Until then, make sure you don’t run out of bread, milk, and eggs — never know when you need French Toast!

    1. Hey PJ!

      It’s all about that French Toast! I hear ya. People freak out over snow here in the city. It was just one day. All pretty much gone already. Cupcakes, pop tarts, beer, and wine day for us on the couch. Loved it!

  9. LOL, I think you’re the only person who can not even tell a porno joke to put one in my head. Shows how long we’ve known each other I guess!
    I know you’re making fun of those in the ‘burbs who’ll be stuck in for longer, but more days of Netflix, lazy breakfast and cocktails for lunch sounds like a win to me. Just sayin’.

    1. Hey Karen!

      A dirty mind is the sign of a happy person!

      I kid the ‘burban folks but it’s all good. We’re all in it for the booze and breakfast for sure!

  10. Hey, Did you do the naked snow jump? I have seen videos online people are crazy. Stay warm Phil and I’m Jealous those cupcakes look so good. Aw I miss the Chinese food. The one by me sucks and doesn’t delivers. May the snow Gods be with you.

    1. Hey Patricia!

      I’m crazy but not nuts! I saw that on the net too and laughed as I was sitting on my couch in a nice warm dry apartment with a glass of bourbon.

      Oh yeah, love Chinese food on a snowy day.

  11. Yeah, we got about 24 inches here in Jersey. Enjoyed a relaxing weekend like you for the most part, except for the multiple bouts of shoveling to free our cars from the frosty grips of mother nature. 🙁

    Ready for Spring to get here, I’m over this snow already..

    1. Hey Sujeet!

      That’s why I am so glad we don’t own a car, or ever have to shovel or plow. It’s all done for us here. Yes, I love being a city slicker!

  12. I’m a bit late with all the snow fun and jokes. Smirk!
    But nevertheless, hilariously funny. I mean; “Back in my day we normally had winter snowstorms every week, for months, and walked miles to school, uphill, with bare feet, then walked ten miles into town and worked hard labor, and then walked back home in the middle of another blizzard! Hey you kids – off my lawn!” is a classic. I know you’re joking Phil but there’s some truth there.

    I’m from the North of England (think of “the North” in Game of Thrones) and when we were young, we used to have to go cross-country running in the snow and ice. I still remember it now, and none of your “I’ve got this and I’ve got that” nonsense. If you weren’t dead, you ran! And in your PE skirt or shorts too!

    My tween son and his friends haven’t a clue. As soon as there’s a drop of rain, somebody starts whinging. Rain. Sleet. Blizzard. What’s the difference? Sigh!!

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