Snowmageddon 2016! Buy All The Stuff In NYC!

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Oh, come on now people! They are talking a little snowfall and everyone is acting as if in panic apocalypse mode at the supermarkets!

We have had nothing but mild weather this winter so far so no one should be complaining about the recent spate of colder air. Heck, its January 21, don’t you all think that old man icy butt himself would show up sooner or later? I was wearing shorts and a t-shirt the day before Christmas. Doesn’t that alarm anyone? I’m not saying that global warming is a thing, but when I’m almost naked running through the streets of NYC when I should be bundled up like an Eskimo perhaps there might be a bit of a cause for concern?

It’s pretty interesting to observe how a snow forecast can dissolve the resolve of even the most hearty individuals into frantically frightened nincompoops. I experienced this first hand last night when I dropped into the supermarket to pick up some things for dinner. Here it was only Wednesday and the store was packed as everyone was in a mad dash to glom every carton of eggs, gallon of milk, and roll of toilet paper in sight! How much can one poop in two days? Do people think that we are going to be stranded as a civilization for months upon months with no supplies when all we are forecasted to receive is around 12 inches of snow? Manhattan might only get 4-6 inches. What is wrong with people? This ain’t Castaway where we will all go insane and end up talking to a volleyball. Wilson!!!

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After a few moments of winding through the maddening crowd of idiots I made it to the long checkout line with my salad, chicken, and sweet potatoes. All around me I noticed baskets and shopping carts piled high with grocery items. Stuff that people would normally never buy. Spam for one. Pigs knuckles, fake generic cereals, cream of ass, etc.

Here we go! The testiness starts as some of these trolls get into hissy fits with each other when they bump carts. Always funny to watch two old dudes threaten to go all Rambo on each other over the last loaf of bread. The women are even worse! They will cut a bitch if you take their spot in line, or grab that last box of Maxi Pads off the shelf.

They don’t play.

I just keep my distance and back away slowly. Hold me. I’m scared.

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Of course, I was not going to let a good deal go by as I saw Pop Tarts were on sale, so I bought six boxes! Along with Cheese Doodles, and some Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream. That’s all I will need to get through the weekend, along with a bottle of Maker’s Mark bourbon sitting on my kitchen table. Now that’s what I call survival mode!

Bear Grylls don’t have nothing on me. I ain’t drinking my own urine!

Also, don’t sweat it people, as we all know Chinese restaurants in NYC never close, even in a blizzard! So feel free to order your sweet and sour chicken, order Netflix and chill.

About filbio310

Life Contortionist, Blogger, Yelper, Foodie, Gym Rat.
This entry was posted in 2016, Comedy, Douchebaggery, Food, Funny, Humor, Ice Cream, Life, Manhattan, New York living, NYC, People, Pet Peeves, Rantings & Ravings, Shopping, Stores, Uncategorized, Weather, WTF and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

20 Responses to Snowmageddon 2016! Buy All The Stuff In NYC!

  1. Clay
    Twitter:
    says:

    Stay warm and read a good book, or a bad book, but stay warm and stay inside! Whatever you do have fun.
    Clay recently posted…a frigid Monday morningMy Profile

  2. We’re all laughing on your post at my house Phil, funny, but true! Wouldn’t it be interesting on the other hand to know the percentage of food actually consumed when purchased for a snow storm? I’m not really sure if I could break it down myself since it kind of just then blends into the ongoing grocery items. I went shopping today, can you believe I forgot the milk? Enjoy the winter storm, and the Maker’s Mark.
    Peggy Gilbey McMackin recently posted…Japchae, ‘Potato Starch Noodles Stir-Fried with Vegetables,’ a Korean Cuisine Journey at Drexel UniversityMy Profile

  3. Cassandra
    Twitter:
    says:

    Most forecasts have us getting a dusting up here in Boston, but people are still acting like we’re getting hit with DC’s two feet (my parents’ are in DC. Things are really not pretty down there this morning).

    I’m with you. Idiots.
    Cassandra recently posted…Throwdown Thursday: Tarantino as Tutor?My Profile

  4. Best of luck through the cold spell Phil and friends. Your severe weather warning has even made the online news here, not really sure why but I guess the online media are scraping for stories.

    We’ve just had our short cold snap come to an end in the last 24 hours or so. It was mostly frost although some areas were hit with snow. We had some Saturday night but it was gone by Sunday afternoon.

    As for stocking up, you sound like you got a good deal on those Pop Tarts! I can understand your hesitation to panick shopping. I do remember a few years ago when a delivery truck to our village supermarket couldn’t make it up a relatively mild incline hill. This always left me thinking whilst I could always make it to the supermarket, the delivery truck may not be able to!
    The Guy Who Flies recently posted…Why The Lincoln Highway Experience Is A Perfect Drive Through HistoryMy Profile

  5. Patricia
    Twitter:
    says:

    OMG, I am laughing so hard right now. Here in Vicksburg we got about 6 snow flakes and people started closing up shop for the day. The ground isn’t even white. There is barely enough powder falling from the sky to even call it snow. I think they’re letting school out early – just in case. People are truly funny.

    Me? I’m thinking, “let’s go for a drive.”

    Stay safe and enjoy your stockpile. But, whatever you do, do NOT come to Vicksburg. I think they may be fixing to close the borders to prevent some kind of national snow disaster.

    Patricia Rickrode
    w/a Jansen Schmidt
    Patricia recently posted…Have You Ever . . . ?My Profile

  6. Karen
    Twitter:
    says:

    Pop tarts, cheese doodles and mint chocolate chip ice cream? Forget the grocery store, I’m going to your house in a storm.
    And really, I never understood why people head to the grocery store before a storm, I’d be heading straight for the liquor store.
    Karen recently posted…Fly on the Wall: Dinner WarsMy Profile

  7. Marcia
    Twitter:
    says:

    Your survival mode tactics are very similar to ours down south for hurricanes. We stock up on booze, snacks, bread, water, and of course, toilet paper.
    Marcia recently posted…Fly On The Wall: All-Time Favorite Remarks (Part One)My Profile

  8. Lisa says:

    People were so insane starting Wednesday. Coming home from work was like hitting the shore on 4th of July weekend. God help us all if there REALLY was an emergency!
    It’s Nurse Jackie and me this weekend..and my dogs of course.
    Stay warm!

  9. P.J.
    Twitter:
    says:

    It always cracks me up that whenever there’s some sort of weather thing coming, people rush out to get bread, eggs, and water. I get the water. But bread and eggs? Milk? Are we having French toast?

    Why not get things that make sense? Chips. Brews. Pretzels. Things that will get you through a couple of nights! Sheesh!

    Have your bread, people! I can survive!
    P.J. recently posted…20 Days of Chill: Home run (Day 17)My Profile

  10. Victoria
    Twitter:
    says:

    So funny and yet so not!
    We saw pictures of New York & New England in Armageddon style with the newscasters broadcasting as if it were some war disaster. It’s hilarious when we see Americans in panic mode . But why? It’s only snow! It won’t kill you. And at least you have some! Be happy! Praise your gods n’ stuff!

    We live in Europe. The home of snow. I live in Germany. And we didn’t get any. At all! Thank goodness, I didn’t go skiing this year….! I have a blogger friend who lives in Norway. She tells me it’s snowing. Now. In February! Oh, and Mongolia was -38C or -36.4F. Mongolia! Even Japan and Korea had snow. I mean, what the $%&?!!
    p.s. Britain’s just as bad though. Every year, someone gets fired ‘cos the South of England is never prepared and there’s gridlock on the motorway. Last year, the train tracks got blocked so the train driver chucked everywhere off and they had to walk into the nearest village! Tea anyone!
    Victoria recently posted…Think David Bowie! Think Alan Rickman! Think the British Shorts Film Festival!My Profile

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