Run, hoard, and hide! Here comes the snow NYC!


Well, here we are again in another winter season. It’s December and a week away from Christmas. Full swing into the holiday season. People are packing the malls, shopping online, and scurrying to take advantage of the many last minute sales and discounts. We have already seen a few small snowfalls here in NYC that have thrown the public into panic mode! It just never amazes me how even a few inches of snow in the forecast nowadays gets overblown into a catastrophic event! I really think it’s a conspiracy by the news channels, weather forecasters, internet sites, and newspapers to help spread fear while generating higher ratings and sales. Why does every teeny snow squall have to be assigned a name of doom? Watch out for “Snowstorm Ass Ripper” that is looking to dump a total of two inches of the white stuff on us! Be deathly afraid of “Mega-storm Skid Mark” which will coat us with upwards of three inches of Hell! Run for your lives as “Crazy Storm Turd Burglar ” leaves us trudging through a Hellish inch of the fluffy stuff! As soon as the news starts talking about the upcoming snowfalls in these terms the inevitable happens. People run to the supermarkets and bodegas scrambling to scoop up every supply item they can to help survive the onslaught of snow that we mostly never end up really seeing. It’s like every snow day is a re-creation of Black Friday panic! Grab all the bacon!!! 


What the heck people? Do you really need to wipe out the shelves of all milk, bread, and eggs? It’s NYC! It doesn’t matter if we get a four foot blizzard as the Chinese restaurants never close anyway. Same goes for pizza joints. We will never starve here. Damn, I even heard of people hoarding water in bathtubs, buying up all batteries and flashlights, and getting prepared as if the world will come to a standstill over a few inches of slush on the ground. It’s just some snow. It’s not like Twinkies are going to be discountinued again!

ha3It kind of reminds me of when my great aunts and uncles proclaimed that “They walked to school during a driving blizzard, uphill, and barefoot. Both ways!” I don’t get it. When did we all become  a bunch of spineless scaredy-cats over these past bunch of years? I remember back in my high school days when it seemed to snow a lot more. I was always shoveling the snow from our driveway and then that damn truck would come by and plow it all back up at me right as I was about finished. Effing bastards! It was like they taunted us. Yet, no one seemed to panic back then as they do now. We knew how to handle it. Not every snowfall was assigned a scary name. It was just called “snow”.

Another thing. We live in a mass transit mecca. Why the heck do so many people insist on trying to drive back and forth into the city each day? Especially during bad weather. Then complain when it takes five hours to get to work and back as traffic is bumper to bumper because of the snow. I know some have no choice but to drive but there are so many that are attached to their cars in an obsessive way. Stop whining and take the train, subway, or bus in. Or suck it up, crank up the tunes, and enjoy the road rage! Maybe just stay home and tell your boss your car is buried under. Good luck with that!

snow-dick-car-memesThen I see these numbskulls so bundled up it looks like they are headed to an artic expedition. There is barely two inches of snow on the sidewalks and they have winter boots on along with three layers of snow gear while it’s in the 30’s outside. Maybe it’s just me but I love when it’s cold out. 30’s and 40’s to me is like air conditioning. Sure beats the swamp ass humidity of the NYC summers. People are so conditioned to fear the winters here now there is no body resistance to the cold and elements. People complain about going to work and helicopter parents scream about why the schools are still open with a few inches of snow on the ground. Back then we hardly ever got snow days. Those damn buses would be there to get us in three feet of snow and an ice storm. I hated my school. It never closed.


I am sure we will get clobbered a few times this winter with some major snowfall. I think we are due as there have not been that many big blizzards over the past ten years or so. We have had many mild winters here in NYC during the time I have lived here. Blame Al Gore and Global Warming. Blame Mayor Bloombito. Blame Canada. One thing I do miss is playing with my pets when it snowed. Those were good times!




All  know is that I am prepared for the first blizzard of the season for when it does arrive. Plenty of wine, rum, and bourbon stocked up in the bar at our place! Hot toddies here I come. Plus a secret stash of Twinkies!

48 thoughts on “Run, hoard, and hide! Here comes the snow NYC!”

  1. I know what you mean.. I used to live in Buffalo, and snow up there was an everyday occurrence.. 10 inches of snowfall the night before just meant I had to spend an extra few minutes cleaning off my car in the morning.

    In fact, the only time things closed up there was when it was a fast moving storm that dumped 2-3 FEET of snow within a short amount of time. That was crazy, people just abandoned their cars on the highway and sought cover.

    With you living in NYC, I imagine snow isn’t a huge deal really, as you can take subways wherever you have to go. Down here in Jersey, I had to don snow tires on my car so I can get through whatever mother nature throws our way.

    I’m hoping for lots of snow this year, so I can get my money’s worth from these tires. 🙂

  2. Geez…you New Yorkers are a bunch of wimps, panty wastes, nimrods. Although, as soon as it’s 50 degrees outside here in Texas, the UGG’s come out in great multitudes along with the douchey hipster beanies. When we get ice and snow, the whole world shuts down. Meaning nothing is open…Walmart runs out of milk, department stores lock their doors, and there is no Chinese food delivery. The shame. I believe it’s the weather men’s faults. They see the “arctic” air coming and can’t get their weather boners to go down long enough to stop talking about it. Hey..but you have wine. That’s really all you need. And love.

    1. Hey Cellulite!

      Wine and booze is really all we need. And bacon. Then we are set for any storm.

      These weather forecasters probably do get wood when the see a storm coming!

  3. Enjoy! It’ll be gone before you know it:)

    It’s 21F in Lillehammer, Norway. We have about about a foot of snow on the ground, about three feet less than normal, and the sidewalks are a life threatening sheet of ice due to last weekends tropical 40’s.
    It’s entertaining as hell! At 7:00 tomorrow morning I’m going swimming in the local canal with my wack-a-do ice bathing friends.

    Life is now. LIVE!
    PS we have had the neighbor’s cat sneak into our house to get warm…didn’t notice her until she jumped into bed with us around 3am…talk about scare the living daylights out of ya!

    1. Hey Kimberly!

      Ha! That must have been funny with the cat! A foot of snow already?

      It’s going to be in the 60’s here so no chance of snow in NYC!

  4. I grew up in the Dallas-Fort Worth Metroplex.

    There are now about 7 million people living there.

    Two INCHES of snow = 7 million Instant Dumbasses.

    I’m just sayin’.

      1. You Regular NYC Guys are blessed (cursed?) with mass transit. Back home mass transit is a family with two pick up trucks! Plus NYC is pretty compact, area-wise. DFW is spread over several hundred square miles. All the more room for 7 million Dumbasses! 🙂

      1. Hello Phil…

        Oh, that´s pretty scary…
        We never have snow heer In Buenos Aires; but awful rain storms… Wish you keep safe and finally get through the bad weather…

        Merry Christmas to the coolest New Yorker Guy> best wishes

        Aquileana 😉

  5. Snowmageddon is even worse in DC. OMG, the feds closed recently just because snow was PREDICTED! Not a flake had even hit the ground! And the Storm Desk people are always so disappointed when the world doesn’t stop turning. They get defensive and say “well it very well COULD HAVE been REALLY BAD. That could have happened you know!”

  6. Ha! Tell me about it Guy. I’m a December baby and I loooove snow……..when we get it. Living in Germanyy means that there’s more likelihood of colder weather, but not always. Right now, it’s 7C. Way too warm. The last two winters were great though. It snowed and snowed and snowed. Heck, it was still snowing up to April this year and everyone was really fed up ‘cos the heating had to be kept on!
    It was so so cold that we didn’t need to go skiing in the mountains, you could ski in the park. Near your house. Up your street. Or even, next door!

    In Britain, where I’m from, we’ve forgotten that we live next to Denmark and we’re “in the North” with our Scandanavian cousins ‘cos the headlines scream stuff like “100 days of heavy snow: Britain now facing worst winter in sixty years”, or “Winter blast brings Britain to a standstill” or crap like “Colder weather sweeping in from the North Pole threatens to whip up biting winds and winter storms”.
    I mean, come on!

    1. Hey Victoria!

      I don’t like the winter as much as you do but I enjoy the colder weather. With temps here in NYC hitting 60 tomorrow I am going to the beach!

  7. Okay, give us a few minutes as we’ve fallen back in our writing chairs have Diet Pepsi spewing out of our mouths & are laughing like hysterical idiots!!! 🙂 Oh Lord how we love visiting your blog Phil. Never change who you are or how you speak!!! Just keep telling it like it is. And don’t be surprised to find tweets, facebook-posts, google-googs, pinterests-pins & linkedin…whatever quoting our favorite part of your post! “Snowstorm Ass Ripper” ~ “Mega-storm Skid Mark” ~ “Crazy Storm Turd Burglar ” Still friggin’ laughing!! 😛 And everything you said is sooooo true! We experience it here as well. Last year the local weatherman, Storm Weathers, (yes, the douche named himself that!) declared we would have a helluva time with a blizzard that was moving in. The last blizzard hitting Franklin in 1995. We got two inches of snow & now have a female weatherwoman with an equally fake name. But it was the two days before, Inion I I we’re inside Ingalls (Our market) trying to do our Normal shopping while people ran with their carts down isles; crashed into eachother; and fought over water, batteries, milk & yes….entenmann’s! Clearly entenmann’s holds the key to wintry weather conditions. It’s just so….what’s the word……stupid???? Yeah, that will work! As for the rest of your post. Luv the penis ramrodding the car, as every compact car should feel the luv of a 5′-ice-prick fueling it’s rear-end; Luv the schoolbus/monstertruck!! Luv the Christopher Walken….why? Cuz he’s Christopher frigging Walkin. And lastly, but not leastly, where in the hell did you get that picture of that poor frozen cat!!! Too frigging hysterical. (by the way, for those bloggers & commenters who took to irritation with the kitty pics. No cats we’re harmed during the making of this post. And all rights have been obtained by the kittys’ for the kittys & for P.E.T.A. whose probably laughing their asses off!!
    Now Phil as for you our brilliant food-gasm blogger with a wicked sense of humor. Don’t be surprised to find us encouraging others to come by & grab their laugh courtesy of your brilliant post & to you our friend we say, Merry Christmas & to all a good night!! <3 🙂

    1. Hey Inion!

      Always a pleasure to hear from you. So glad that I have you a good laugh!

      Storm Weathers? Hahaha – what a douche! Merry Christmas and happy holidays! No cats were actually harmed making this post!

  8. HILARIOUS post!!! Genuine LOL’s! Lemme say, I’m in the Dallas area and if it even sleets THE WORLD SHUTS THE FUCK DOWN, and millions of people turn into giant morons. GIANT morons. It’s comical. I mean, I get that it’s extremely scary to drive atop ice. That’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about sleet and snow. Texas. I adore you but listen: you don’t have to drive 2mph on snow. Or rain either for that matter.

    1. Hey Beth!

      So glad I make you LOL! It’s so true though as people freak out over a little snow.

      Talk to Fearless whow commented above here as he also lives in the Dallas area.

  9. The same thing happens here, people go nuts to stock up on things. But, one thing I’ve noticed is that the majority of them are little old ladies…

    1. Hey Emily!

      I don’t blame the older folk who can’t get around as easy, but it’s kind of crazy here in NYC. I think the weather channels do it to drive up the frenzy!

  10. I love your preparation in stocking up for hot toddies. Who needs bread and milk?! You should see the freak show in the South whenever snow is even slightly in the forecast. Schools close the night before, people abandon their cars (mostly SUVs – go figure) on the side of the road…it’s like Armageddon.

    1. Hey Cowboys!

      Mmmmm……hot toddies. I have always heard that about the south and even the west. Its like people freak out with a little snow. What did we all do back in colonial times?

  11. We sometimes get that in Chicago too. It happened a lot more when I was younger after a few bad storms. Now they are salt and plow crazy, so that gets taken care of so quickly, mostly only older people get afraid and head to the grocery right away.
    We did have a bunch of people get stuck on Lake Shore Drive for a couple hours n a sudden ” blizzard” so now everyone runs for cabs!

    1. Hey Joy!

      Well, in Chicago gets a lot of snow to begin with. So I can see it over there. Big cities like ours seem so better prepared for it.

  12. Can’t top the comments above. Hilarious like the Post. Same fluff in Philly, and I love to go to the store and get something good to cook and invite friends and neighbors that can walk in any condition (snow or otherwise.)

    1. Hey Peggy!

      I’m sure you get he same nuttiness in Philly as we do in NYC. So loving the warm spring like weekend we have now though!

      A big dinner sounds like a plan!

  13. You’ve brought back some seriously snowy memories! Having grown up in Minnesota, I have to say — grateful that I only experience snowfall during vacations. 😉 Wishing you and yours wonderful holidays!

  14. Love the pictures especially the first one. it is true, the media is designed to scare us nowadays with such minimal snowfall. I remember a lot worse weather in my youth.

    Wishing you all the best for a great Christmas and a great 2014 Phil. Thanks for all your support throughout the year and wishing you every success.

    1. Hey Guy!

      Yeah, the media is the culprit of fear for sure!

      Hope you and yours have a wonderful Christmas and holiday season! I appreciate you following my blog and commenting.

  15. It’s so funny to hear you talk about snow storms and dire warnings from the weather men. For those of us here in South Florida, it’s all about hurricane season. Summer is our dangerous time. There can be a sight breeze in the air and the news crews focus on a single leaf blowing in the wind–“OH MY GAWD stockpile plywood and water, a hurricane might be coming!” I pretty much do what you do—barricade myself at home with a big bottle of rum and a not-so-secret stash of Twinkies.

    1. Hey Mother!

      My parents live in Ocala, FL and tell me that all the time.

      My dad has his beer, cigars, and whiskey ready for those times. Stay inside and enjoy!

  16. *Snort, chuckle*
    The best way to cure “snowfall paranoia” is to come and live in Ottawa, Ontario for a few years. When we get huge snow dumps, we simply get up earlier so we can clean off our cars.

    Snow removal is big business here — The city spends approximately 60$ million dollars a year on it.

    1. Hey Suzanne!

      I have family from Canada so I have heard of the snowfalls you all get. No thanks! I’m happy with it being 55 here in NYC today!

  17. England is always cold but she never learns. Every time we have a little snow, London comes to a standstill. You’d think that by now we’d have something in place to deal with the cold weather but NO. Roads get damaged, we always run out of ‘salt’ to put down on the streets, water pipes burst, trains stop working, and so on. Every year the same old thing. Wake up London.

    And I can’t stop laughing when I see the business women struggling to go to work in a pair of HIGH HEELS. What kind of a mind tells you to wear skyscrapers in the snow?

    Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow

    Seasonal Greets Phil.

    1. Hey Rum Punch!

      Seasons Greetings and happy holidays!

      I see that here too with the women in high heels during the snow. At least NYC is really prepared for snowfalls. The people are not!

  18. Yes! Blame Canada! It’s the same down here, when it comes to rain. They closed the schools and sent people home from work after a, in Danish terms: medium-heavy shower…

  19. I would do love a white Christmas!
    I can just imagine the chaos it causes though with the traffic etc. And I quite agree – why can people just use public transport rather than struggle through hours and hours of traffic – pure stupidity!

  20. I’ve been in NYC for a couple of cripplingly hot summers and two, what I call, mild winters. I thoroughly enjoyed both. We trudged through the streets all day long, every day that we were there, whether we were dripping in sweat or crusted in icicles! It was a blast and still proved to be, no matter what, the city that never sleeps.

    I don’t know why people freak out. Perhaps they like something to get excited over…an excuse to hole up with an endless supply of alcohol and Twinkies to while the hours away…a “legit” reason to stay under the covers…

    What I DO know is…you can’t blame Canada!!! ;-P

    1. Hey Hazy!

      I actually like the cold weather better than the swamp ass summer season here!

      Hey, booze and Twinkies are a good plan. Just stay under the covers until the snow melts.

      We all blame Canada!

  21. Snow is coming again this weekend for you guys. Here in Arizona it’s 70 degrees and partly cloudy. I’m gonna sit on the porch and smoke a cigar. Have a nice shoveling.

    1. Hey Tim!

      Yeah, and enjoy that 115 degree sweltering air in the summer while I’m at the beach. 🙂

      Actually, I prefer the cold weather over the heat. Did a three mile jog last night when it was 20 out. Felt great. This weather is nuts. Monday the high calls for 50 and the low will be 9! What the heck?

      Enjoy that cigar. I could go for one too.

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