Rising from the darkness it’s the Revenge of Spam!

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Holy crap! Are there really close to 300 messages in my spam filter today? It’s been a while since I looked into there and each time there seems to be more and more of them. I guess that’s what happens when your blog gets a little popular or has been around a while. It’s kind of nutty the spam comments that I get. Some are pitching a product, pushing a website, or just make no sense at all. It think it’s time for another blog post poking fun at them as I’m in a mischievous mood today. So here for your reading pleasure are some of the most nonsensical and idiotic spam messages I have received lately. With my added play by play of course in bold!

Shall we begin?

I always go back and forth in regards to Khloe Kardashian Odem. I mean, sometimes her fashion is right on the money and sometimes it is absolutely atrocious – like she had gotten dressed in the dark while intoxicated. Well, maybe it isn’t that bad, but…

Um, Kris, why are you commenting about your daughter on my blog? Drinking again I see? Also, no, you can’t take over this media outlet too. Go away and bug People magazine’s website. Tell Bruce I said hello. 

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I believe this is an insightful submit and it is really helpful and knowledgeable. as a result, I would like to thank you for the attempts you have made in writing this post….

– Thank you. I make my best writing attemps in the nude. Shall I post pics too?

Sperm can be up to seven days in a woman’s body. So if you had sex on the days before ovulation, the sperm will have time to do the fallopian tubes “wait for it”.

– Why does this scare me so? I keep picturing the movie Alien now. You know that scene…..

Not only did he select him, Coach Carroll wasn’t dejected by the loss, the Packers and had an illicit affair.That’s more than $2 million annually on what Carroll is believed to be still in purgatory.We have this record of getting rid of Tate seems to be pretty strong for antonio brown’s love.

– Like Sands Though The Pigskin Hourglass, These Are The Football Days Of Our Lives.  

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Wow, this pieсe of ωriting is pleasant, mу &X79;оunger si&X73;ter is ana&X6c;y&X7A;ing such thin&X67;s, therefore I аm going tοle&X74; know hеr.

– I think I have finally been contacted by Aliens! 

I acquired caught up in Agent Xa??s charisma as wella??she was a combine of Salma Hayek and sympathetic grifter

– If you’re gonna spam me with that at least include some sexy pics of Salma!  So lame.

Just want to say your article is striking. The clarity in your submit is simply striking and i can get for granted you are an specialist on this topic. I simply stumbled on your striking weblog and Really insightful data many thanks a ton. Ia??m confident wea??…

– If you think this is striking you should see me in a toga! Oh baby!

Hey just wanted to give you a brief heads up and let you know a few of the pictures aren’t loading correctly. I’m not sure why but I think its a linking issue. I’ve tried it in two different web browsers and both show the same results and I can’t load. strapless strap on recently posted –

–  Strapless strap on? How does that work? I don’t think I want to know. I’m also not clicking on that link you sent. Scared.  

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I relish, cause I found exactly what I used to be looking for.You have ended my 4 day long hunt! God Bless you man. Have a nice day. Bye

– Glad you finally found peace and tranqility after an exhuasting four day search. Now go find me a sammich!  

Wonderful, fast piece that carries it is very own temper all around with it. Thata??s excellent. Dropping Chandler like that and not subsequent up? Not so excellent. Helps make people consider about art and the actual lifestyle mirrored there…

– Dropping Chandler? Is this Phoebe from Friends? Can you sing Smelly Cat to me? 

I am bookmarking your feeds also It was a quite wonderful concept! Just wanna say thank you for the knowledge you have apportioned. Just keep on composing this kind of publish. I will be your correct reader. Many thanks yet again….

– Does that mean all my other readers are not correct? Oh no. Now what do I do?

I in the vein of this blog its a master end of war ! Pleased I open this on google. So jointly true. “Irrationally held truths may live further destructive than reasoned errors.”

– In the words of Snoop Dog….My shizzle foshizzle! 

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I want to apprentice although you amend your world wide web website, how could I subscribe for a website internet site? The account aided me a satisfactory deal. I had been a minor bit acquainted of this your broadcast presented brig…

– Mr Gore, I know you are all busy with that global warming thing. Are you sure you have time for this? 

Living without an aim is like sailing without a compass…

– as quoted by Columbus when he mistakenly did not discover America.

This isn’t the authorities for arguments of national security criteria for your initially time ban from overseas acquisitions offer . Last thirty day period , the federal government in accordance with the identical considerations rejected an…

– as quoted by Sarah Palin when asked if she went moose hunting this season. 

Wowwwwwwwwwww!! This is gorgeous!! LOVING that crackle effect!!…

– as quoted by the mayor of Toronto Rob Ford as he lit up the crack pipe! 

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41 thoughts on “Rising from the darkness it’s the Revenge of Spam!”

  1. What? Huh? Did you say something?

    Sorry, I got stuck at “strapless strap-ons”. I think you now owe it to us to find out how that works and post us an explanation.

  2. Well, that was interesting and informative. Who knew so much good could come from Spam?

    Just curious, why didn’t click the links? Who knows what other exciting stuff you may have encountered. (Do it, Phil, click the link.) Somebody probably needs your social security number. Quick, click the links.

    I love your internal dialog to this junk. I find that most spammers contact me to let me know there are Russian women waiting to hear from me. Even if I were in the market for a woman, why on earth would I need a Russian one? Aren’t there enough available women right here in the States?

    Patricia Rickrode
    w/a Jansen Schmidt

    1. Hey Patricia!

      NOOOO! I won’t click on those links! I have seen enough weird porn to know what lurks behind those links! (only by accident of course)

      I also get those. Women are waiting for us everywhere! Glad you enjoyed.

  3. Ha!!! Keep them coming – this is my fav Phil feature – next to the cupcakes I don’t have access to. After watching Breaking Bad and seeing how crazy the convos are after people get high on Meth – that’s exactly what spam comments sound like.

    1. Hey Kenya!

      So glad you like this feature!

      I’d like to see a commercial where James Earl Jones and Malcolm McDowell recite my spam! Totes McGotes!

  4. Ah the joys of spam, they keep doing it because sometimes they get through and some websites don’t have authorisation controls on comments.

    Good job we are better than that eh Phil?

    I totally agree, some pictures of Salma Hayek would make the spam filter a lot more interesting. What does your fiancee think of the majority of people e-mailing you? (Sorry, shouldn’t have asked).

    1. Hey Guy!

      It’s amazing how much I get now. Good thing the spam filter works!

      As for my gal she is used to it. As long as I look and don’t touch!

  5. Thankfully all my spam lately has been in Japanese symbols so I’m in no danger of getting curious as to what folks might be trying to sell me.

    And I’m still stuck on the meme where Spam is phonetically spelled out to sound like sperm. *smh* Thanks Phil, thanks.

  6. I have no idea how to get inside my Spam Box. Admittedly, I have been slightly concerned some gentle reader has inadvertently ended up there, but this post has me convinced there is way too much crazy in that dark hole. I’ll leave the light off.

    Klem,
    Kimberly

  7. Whoa, that was a lot of spam to wake up to this cold snow packed morning. I’m always curious about actual spammers. Do they sit together in an office like a PR agency and come up with this stuff? What do they tell people they do for a living? Oh Hi, I’m Joe and I write crap that people try to delete before they look at it, and by the way I’m a complete nuisance? Gotta go check my growing spam box.

    1. Hey Peggy!

      I have no clue how some of this is made up. I’m sure some is computer generated and some might actually be a real person. Scary stuff indeed!

  8. “LOVING that crackle effect!!”…

    Oh Gosh Phil I wish you survive the spam attach… And for your information I can sing “Smelly Cat”…
    I´ll practice now that you have redirected me to the lyrics !. Cheers Aquileana 🙂

    Smelly cat, smelly cat
    What are they feeding you?
    Smelly cat, smelly cat
    It’s not your fault
    They won’t take you to the vet
    You’re obviously not their favourite pet
    You may not be a bed of roses
    And you’re no friend to those with noses
    (repeat chorus)

    Aquileana 🙂

  9. I actually had ONE actual spam email in my spam box this past week when I checked yesterday… and I never get any anymore. I used to get ones telling me to enlarge my penis size in a day and all that fun shizzle lmfao!!

    Oh, and I just lost it when I scrolled down past the EMERGERD SPERM picture. My boyfriend and I actually talk like that back and forth to each other all the time, it’s quite comical and it’s caught on to my mother. LOL.

    1. Hey Sammy!

      I always get those telling me to enlarge my penis! Isn’t 12 inches enough already? How big do I need to be? 🙂

      ERMAHGERD! SPERM!

  10. After spending the past 10 minutes going through and deleting my SPAM folder, I am laughing my ass off at your post. It is amazing that someone thinks that *both* of our sites have the top information they have been looking for over the past 4 days.
    I feel so important now!

    1. Hey Jennifer!

      So pleased you got a big laugh from this!

      We are very important people. They spend days looking for our blog posts. Now, their lives are complete!

  11. I began noticing a rise in spam when I added a plugin and then I deactivated it and ‘voila’ spam counts dropped, but they are back. It just goes to the trash bin but these guys are persistent….. oh my. Stay warm and GOOD NEWS, the sunshine is coming back we gained about a half hour last month.

    1. Hey Clay!

      Spammer are persistant. Mostly bots I think anyway that keeps generating this nonsense to promote some link they push.

      So cold this week but I don’t mind it too much as long as I stay indoors! Come on Spring!

  12. You are just SO striking! 😉 I love the ones that make no sense whatsoever! Oh, by the way.. .your blog design is FAB, but your site loads really slow. And I’m so glad I don’t have to hunt for posts like this anymore. God bless you MAN! hehe

    1. Hey Tree!

      Most of these spam messages make no sense!

      I just checked on my site and it seems to be loading pretty quick. Glad you like my blog look, but I might change it up soon. Gotta stay fresh and pretty!

  13. Thanks for the laugh to start off my otherwise serious day fighting all the crazy PR people who spam me via email! When I’ve had enough, I’ll picture the strapless strap on or the the return of smelly cat!!! You rock..

  14. Ermahgerd. “Wait for it?” That sounds menacing. Speaking of menacing, you reminded me I need to delete spam. I just looked, I have 47,000. Whoops. But here’s one I hadn’t heard before, someone selling “father’s meth jackets”. Maybe a line of Breaking Bad clothing?

    1. Hey Coleen!

      47,000? Good gravy! Just hit delete all and get rid of them.

      I have seen the meth jacket one. An FBI agent probably shows up along with your purchase! 🙂

  15. I am tota&#^lly enthralled with6373 the wit and hu$^%^mour in your fa((@#bulous post. Please cont*&&^#inue to write such enthrall&#**# and entertain##@#@ing matter for your rea!*(@ders. Smelly cat

  16. Gawd, these are priceless! Love your responses. My spam is always about porn. Now what the heck makes a spammer want to leave a menopausal woman gritty messages asking if I need….um…bigger parts for fulfillment??? Please take over my email and handle these a$$hats with your clever responses—I need your help! 🙂

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