Ranting away at 30,000 feet in the air. Heat, farts, and biz travel.


Escaping NYC for a few days and heading to Las Vegas for a biz trip. Normally, that would be all fine and dandy except for the fact that it’s a raging inferno of heat there this week! Temps soaring close to 110 degrees each day makes for extreme swamp ass!

Dry air my ass! Hot is hot!

Business travel is always a hassle, but a necessary evil for many of us. Especially those of us in the ad sales game. There are always numerous clients to visit, conventions to attend, and other various business functions in different places. I used to actually enjoy flying, as I still like to visit different cities across the USA and see the sights when I have the time. It used to be a lot of fun. Yet, nowadays air travel makes me want to strangle people! I think many of us feel that way. At least now we have the option to stay connected up in the air. I am using the plane’s WiFi and typing this all in real-time as it’s happening.


Point in case the people sitting next to me. I always make sure to book an aisle seat. No one really wants the dreaded middle seat. No bueno. Why does it seem that as soon as I have my tray down, computer hooked into the WiFi, food and drink all set up that the animals next me all of a sudden have the urge to release their bowels? Really? You had more than enough time before I got all situated and then you choose the most awkward moment to decide you need to pee? Ugh! These seats and the space around it are small enough, and now I have to try to pick everything up and shimmy out of it without spilling everything all over me. When the heck will Scotty arrive to just beam us up and make this a lot easier?


Oh, and another thing when it comes to idiot passengers. Our flight was a bit delayed this morning due to people fighting over the overhead bins and wanting to switch seats. Some were arguing with the flight attendants because their bags needed to be checked as there was no more room in the bins. Took forever for everyone to get in their damn seats.  I’ve said it before – the problem is the carry-on situation. If airlines would eliminate carry-ons and just build in lower fees to check all bags boarding would be a breeze as passengers would just walk in and sit the heck down. It would greatly eliminate delays and stress. I know I’ll hear it from many who whine that they hate waiting for their luggage, and worry it might get lost, blah blah blah. I check my luggage every flight and have never had a problem. It’s just a few extra minutes to go get it at the carousel. It’s just less hassle for me, plus I have a habit of overpacking a bit. No way I’m fitting my whole apartment into a small carry-on!

Am I the only one or is it just me who gets annoyed when people won’t turn off their cell phone when the cabin door is closed and keep chatting away with someone, or just can’t stop texting. It’s 7am and nap time now. Shut the heck up and put the phone away for a while. Damn, I’m starting to sound like those old guys who complain about everything. “Hey you kids! Off may lawn!”


Also, why the hell does some guy choose to have a conversation with the person sitting by the window seat while standing over me? Seriously, I want to donkey punch him in the crotch. It’s always my seat row. I always get these nimrods standing next to me while I am trying to get some work done, attempting to nap, or eating something. I truly hate having some dude’s ass in my face while flying. It’s just not an enjoyable flight experience. Don’t even get me started on some of these beasts who smell a fit foul. Yeah, that’s a wonderful essence I want to inhale while eating my sandwich.


Speaking of that, some other animal just farted near me. Yeah, really. One of those anal explosions where you can tell the person probably shart themselves. It reeks of three-day old burritos mixed with rotten eggs and sulfur. Seriously man! What the hell did you do to your colon? For the love all that is holy have some compassion for those of us sitting nearby and take it to the bathroom! I think my nose hairs all singed off. Nasty!

Hey, at least there are no screaming babies on board this flight. Joyous.

God, I love having WiFi at 30,000 feet in the air. Ranting away in the wild blue yonder!

7 thoughts on “Ranting away at 30,000 feet in the air. Heat, farts, and biz travel.”

  1. Have a great trip Phil, once off the plane that is. I always check my baggage too and could not agree with you more on everyone just checking their baggage, the overheads have gotten out of control!!!

  2. This is exactly why blogging is so great. You can vent about whatever the hell you want. I agree with you on every issue, especially the carry-ons. I’ve seen people get on board with a rolling bag, a backpack on their back, a beach bag sized purse, a shopping bag (the kind with handles that holds 15 pounds of stuff) and a to-go food box. Really? One bag and one personal item people.

    And then there’s the people who stuff their fluffy down jacket into the overhead bins and take up all that space for an item that could easily be sat on or stuffed under the seat. Sheesh. Enough already with the stupidity.

    It’s the whole me-ism world we live in. The rules don’t apply to me. If you try to enforce the rules with me then you’re either a racist or a hater.

    Anyway, I’m done. Enjoy Vegas but don’t melt the soles of your shoes. Stay inside.

    Patricia Rickrode
    w/a Jansen Schmidt

  3. Plane farters are the worst! It’s common courtesy to take a shower before your flight, so why not make it common courtesy to eat something that won’t blow up your stomach. Avoiding smelly stuff like garlic is also nice to your fellow passengers:)
    Though in spite of the heat and the smelly flight experience, I’m still envious that you’re going to Vegas. I’ll be there in September with my sister, can’t wait to go:)

  4. While I can concur with many of your thoughts, the whole carry-on thing I think just needs restrictions. Too many people are trying to bring their luggage with them. I carry a backpack with me with my camera equipment when I fly… no way will I ever check that equipment. But I also don’t try and bring a suitcase on board!

  5. I absolutely love this post. You’re at your best Phil after a good ole rant!

    But you’re soooo right! I love flying too but these days, if it’s short-haul, I’ve been taking the train around Europe instead lol. A lot less hassle with bags, and space and people. And I tend to book a carriage if I can, as there’s not more than 6 people in it lol!

    Re-flight. I once took an Aeroflot (Russian Airline. Gulp!) flight to Vietnam which was a breeze on the way out (literally as I got ill from the coldness of the aircon!), and was hell on the way back. The flight was packed, and even though we were in the emergency door seating (more space), some guy kept coming over and doing his stretching exercises in front of us. At one point his bum, almost stretched into my face, so I told him to move on mate!

Feel free to comment! We all have opinions!