Public Farting and Killer Fumes in NYC!

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There is one thing that we all can relate too, no matter if we live in NYC, Tuscaloosa, Antarctica, or Mars. Public farting is pretty nasty, especially when we are forced to inhale someone else’s fumes of death! Damn, most of the time we don’t even want to smell our own. So when those inconsiderate dillweeds decide to cropdust us against our will there is nothing else we can do but hold our breath and softly weep. In my opinion some places are even worse than others.

The Top 5 places where is it absolutely reprehensible and devoid of any strain of humanity to fart in public! Those of you who subject innocent people to the abomination that is the essence of your putrid odoriferous attack should be beaten within an inch of their smelly lives!

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The Subway – To be more specific, in a subway car. Now, it’s one thing to let one loose on the platform as people can move freely, and there is usually some wind moving through and it won’t linger, but when you rip one that smells like rotting fish in a small car packed with people you really have no soul. Did you purposely hold it in until entering the car to make sure we are all trapped in there gasping for air? Throw yourself under the train, please.

The Elevator – Are you really that soulless?!!! How can you do that to those of us innocently heading off to work? Why do that to us when we have no place to run? Ewwww…..now I smell like your ass vapor! It’s in my nose! AHHHHHH!!!!!

The Movies – What the hell is wrong with you? Good lord, what the hell did you eat? Did you actually think that if you cut one in the dark that none of us would smell it? It’s not like it’s a ghost or something. It smells like Beetlejuice took  a crap under my seat! Who you gonna call? Fartbusters!

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An Airplane – Let me guess. The night before our morning flight you ate a meal of cabbage, beans, meatloaf, and broccoli. You decided to not take a dump maybe because you were all plugged up, and now need to desperately take a huge one as we are climbing to 35,000 feet and we are not allowed to leave our seats. You sit there sweating like a pig. You are like a helium filled balloon ready to explode. So what do you do? You unload mercilessly sitting right next to me. It smells like rotten eggs and sulfur. My eyebrows have singed off. Small children have passed out. We are all about to jump out of the plane with no parachutes. I hope you choke on a peanut.

A Restaurant – You have got to be freakin’ kidding me! You really have to be the most disgusting and vile inhuman person in existence. People are eating here. On dates, with family, celebrating a divorce, etc, and you let loose with a hurricane of fumunda cheese? This is about to turn into the exploding vomit scene from Monty Python. You sick deranged bastard! You could of at least went to eat at White Castle tonight!

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So, where have you experienced the inconsiderate public farting machine? What other spots can be added to this list? Have you ever been the public gas passer?

38 thoughts on “Public Farting and Killer Fumes in NYC!”

  1. Ah Mr Creosote, Monty Python comedy genius. Just one wafer thin mint?

    Great post as ever Phil. I think rotten eggs in an elevator is a killer.

    To be fair though I know of some people who because of medication have a flatulence problem. Sometimes you just can’t hold it in any longer and you’ve got to let rip.

    I recently saw a mug which made me laugh, it said on it “My farts hospitalise small children” 🙂 (BTW it is not my mug!)
    The Guy recently posted…How I Got A Free Upgrade to First Class On The Emirates B777-300My Profile

  2. Does my house count? With three males I think that my house smells like farts 90 percent of the time. I am always telling them it’s disgusting, but they find it hilarious, me not so much 🙂 I have met very few women that will fart in public on purpose, men on the other hand seem to do it much more frequently!
    Ann recently posted…Triple Banana-Flax PancakesMy Profile

  3. I HATE when people fart at the gym. I know exercise tends to make people want to cut one, but the worst is when I am on a machine and the person next to me continues to rip one smelly one after the other. I mean, I’m in the zone and shouldn’t have to leave because farty fanny won’t excuse herself to the ladies room. So gross. Once this woman let out a fart that was so rank that I was certain she must be sick with a stomach bug. Impulsively I reached into my bag, brought out body spray and sprayed it right there. A moment later I realized it was really a rude thing to do-she shot me the evilest look-but in my defense, it was pretty effed up of her to douse me with the toot that could have sunk a thousand ships. She literally kept cutting one after the other. She had to be stopped.
    Holly J recently posted…Baked OatmealMy Profile

  4. One time I was the one to violate people’s noses was at a party. I was probably in 11th grade and the party was at my older brother’s best friend’s house. I had eaten a bunch of greasy Chinese food that night, and something about it reacted in a way that it had never done before. It must have instantly fermented, or something in my colon died. As soon as the host figured out that I was the offensive one, I was banished to the front lawn. I was laughing so hard, I didn’t even care. (After all, we often would sit around, burping and farting and grossing each other out).
    Sue recently posted…Raising A New MindMy Profile

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