There is one thing that we all can relate too, no matter if we live in NYC, Tuscaloosa, Antarctica, or Mars. Public farting is pretty nasty, especially when we are forced to inhale someone else’s fumes of death! Damn, most of the time we don’t even want to smell our own. So when those inconsiderate dillweeds decide to cropdust us against our will there is nothing else we can do but hold our breath and softly weep. In my opinion some places are even worse than others.
The Top 5 places where is it absolutely reprehensible and devoid of any strain of humanity to fart in public! Those of you who subject innocent people to the abomination that is the essence of your putrid odoriferous attack should be beaten within an inch of their smelly lives!
The Subway – To be more specific, in a subway car. Now, it’s one thing to let one loose on the platform as people can move freely, and there is usually some wind moving through and it won’t linger, but when you rip one that smells like rotting fish in a small car packed with people you really have no soul. Did you purposely hold it in until entering the car to make sure we are all trapped in there gasping for air? Throw yourself under the train, please.
The Elevator – Are you really that soulless?!!! How can you do that to those of us innocently heading off to work? Why do that to us when we have no place to run? Ewwww…..now I smell like your ass vapor! It’s in my nose! AHHHHHH!!!!!
The Movies – What the hell is wrong with you? Good lord, what the hell did you eat? Did you actually think that if you cut one in the dark that none of us would smell it? It’s not like it’s a ghost or something. It smells like Beetlejuice took a crap under my seat! Who you gonna call? Fartbusters!
An Airplane – Let me guess. The night before our morning flight you ate a meal of cabbage, beans, meatloaf, and broccoli. You decided to not take a dump maybe because you were all plugged up, and now need to desperately take a huge one as we are climbing to 35,000 feet and we are not allowed to leave our seats. You sit there sweating like a pig. You are like a helium filled balloon ready to explode. So what do you do? You unload mercilessly sitting right next to me. It smells like rotten eggs and sulfur. My eyebrows have singed off. Small children have passed out. We are all about to jump out of the plane with no parachutes. I hope you choke on a peanut.
A Restaurant – You have got to be freakin’ kidding me! You really have to be the most disgusting and vile inhuman person in existence. People are eating here. On dates, with family, celebrating a divorce, etc, and you let loose with a hurricane of fumunda cheese? This is about to turn into the exploding vomit scene from Monty Python. You sick deranged bastard! You could of at least went to eat at White Castle tonight!
So, where have you experienced the inconsiderate public farting machine? What other spots can be added to this list? Have you ever been the public gas passer?