One day I’m gonna smack someone upside the head in NYC!

34737354It’s one of those days when I woke up to a head cold and feel like crapola. I just want to drink a bottle of Nyquil and crawl back under the covers and go to sleep for three days. Since I have very little tolerance for the stuff anyway usually a full cap full will do the trick. Alas, since I am going away on vacation this Friday to see the parental units in Florida I need to be at work and get a lot accomplished before I head out on my favorite US airline – JetBlue. Gotta have my snacks and in-flight TV! Plus, I need to be rested and well for a trip to the Disney Parks. When you have mom and dad with you for five days in DisneyWorld things can get a bit crazed and nerves can be frayed. Those of you out there who deal with cray cray parents on a daily basis know what I mean. At least Epcot has the Wine & Beer Expo going on, so that will be one afternoon I will be intoxicated and numb to all around me! Hey Mom – you’re driving! Me and Dad are getting crunk!

Anyhoo, in honor of my stuffed nose and achy head I think it’s time for a bit of ranting and raving. Just going to work today I noticed some things that put me in a more foul mood than this cold already has me in. It’s one of those days when I just want to “smack someone upside the head” observing some of the things I see people do that annoy me in NYC.

Throwing cigarette butts on the ground – this one really pisses me off. Are you that effing lazy that you can’t put out the cigarette and dump it in one of the 10,000 trash cans on every street corner? So instead you throw it onto the sidewalk or street? It’s called littering you a-holes! I wish that Mayoro Bloombito would go after these jerks as much as he goes after parking violations and large sodas. I can imagine how much money the city would make if a $25 fine was enforced each time for anyone caught doing this.


Lazy asses who throw their trash on the sidewalk – and just walk away. Really? You’re that much of an a-hole that you can’t pick up your McDonald’s wrapper or empty soda bottle and place it in the trash can ten feet away from you? I see this crap every day. No wonder our whole city looks like a garbage dump at times. I see city streets covered with this trash each day. It’s amazing compared to the many cities I travel to all around the country on business. I was recently in Denver and the streets in the downtown area were spotless. Not even a gum wrapper. Why are many here so disrespectful and inconsiderate? Does it take that much effort to place it in a garbage can?


The moron who eats a whole meal on the subway – and then leaves the trash on the bench. Oh, you have got to be kidding me. As if the subway system doesn’t have enough problems now you have to be eating some sort of smelly Indian food in the morning that smells like body odor. Then when getting off at your stop you leave half the food on the floor in front of you and the tray on the seat. There is a special place in Hell for these kinds of people.


The lumbering morons who walk like they own the sidewalk – as I am trying to get by to my workplace. What is it with these oafs that saunter at a snail’s pace? They walk spread out on the sidewalk so no one can get by them, and move as if in slow motion. Uh, hello? It’s rush hour and people are trying to get to work. Move it! Same goes for those standing around having a conversation in the middle of the sidewalk blocking traffic. I just purposely walk right through them now. Yeah, go ahead and give me that dirty look. I ain’t got time for that!


The idiot who has to hold open the elevator for everyone – and another 20 people pile in. I really effing hate you Mr Considerate. I need to blow my nose. It’s crowded in here and some gal’s nasty perfume is making me even more sick. I just want to sit at my desk with a cup of hot tea. Alone. But no, you have to let everyone catch this one elevator car when there are five others they can wait a minute for. Now all 2o floor buttons are pushed and it’s taking forever. Oh, great, now a few guys decide to have a business conversation out loud while we are all trapped in here. I feel like my head is about to explode. I feel the need to kill. Help.


This concludes my rant for the day. ( Drops mic and steps away from the podium. )



Hopefully, by tomorrow I will feel a lot better. I never get sick but when I do it’s just for a few days with a small cold like this. I think it’s the body’s way of flushing itself out once in a while. I know after a few days with my parents I will feel a different kind of sick anyway if they start acting up! Sometimes I feel that as we get older the parents become more like our children, and act like it. Am I right?

50 thoughts on “One day I’m gonna smack someone upside the head in NYC!”

  1. Hope you get rid of The Crud before your trip, Bro.

    One time when I lived in Houston, I was sitting in traffic at a Red Light with about 6 million other motorists. Some Dumbass in front of me threw a McDonalds bag out his car window – right at the intersection of two of the busiest streets in the 4th largest city in the United States!

    I put my car in park, got out, shook my head at this idiot and picked up his discarded trash. When I looked at the other cars around me, almost ALL of them were applauding for me!


  2. I can certainly relate to some of these rants. NYC need to get very tough with a zero tolerance policy to litter bugs. They have zero tolerance in places like Singapore and they are spotless. The big stick approach can work.

    Hope you are better soon Phil. Enjoy Epcot. I paid my first visit there earlier this year and I’ll never forget that walk around all the food spots of the world. You could never leave there hungry. And with all the beer trucks too, maybe not so thirsty either 🙂

  3. Funny post, Phil and right on the money. The cigarette thing kills me, it’s as if people have convinced themselves that tossing a butt on the street or out of a car window is not littering. Hope your head cold clears up. I’ve heard they can explode on planes and the airlines charge extra if they have to clean anything up. Have a great trip to Disney!

    1. Great! so you’re sitting there on the plane with a head that looks like a used Pinata and they want more money from you. Time to kick a window out and jump.

    2. Hey John!

      Well, my head did not explode and I made it here in one piece! Feeling much better and already did Universal Studios.

      Yeah, the littering thing bugs me a bit.

  4. Yikes, remind me to stay far away from you when you’re not feeling well. I mean sheesh, grouchy much?

    Hope you feel better soon and have a great vacation.

  5. Sorry to hear you have the ick, I hope you’re feeling better soon. You’ve got to be if you want to enjoy your Wine and Beer Fest!

    And, your list is spot on!

  6. Love these rants. I’ve never lived in a big city, and I always wondered if people who do are just used to these same annoyances or if it gets under their skin. I love going to Seoul some weekends, but I can’t stand a lot of the rude litterbugs who lack situational awareness. Sometimes I feel like I’m playing sidewalk chicken with other pedestrians who are either walking too slow or going against the flow of traffic. That drives me nuts.
    Hope you feel better and have a good trip!

  7. Get better soon and enjoy your holiday.

    Dawdlers on the pavement, the road, in the supermarket – don’t even get me started!

    Kate x

  8. Amen brother! Littering drives me crazy. Here in Dallas we drive everywhere so i have no subway rants BUT those jerks who let everyone in front of them in traffic make me want to scream. I have road rage everyday and want to yell you may not have a place and time to be right now but I DO!!
    Hope you feel better and have the best time with the rents in FL. Sometimes having Mom around when you dont feel good could be the best thing. No matter how old i am, i always wish mom lived near when i dont feel good.

  9. UGH – the ick is the worst. No wonder you’re pissy. I hope you’re feeling better before your trip!

    Excellent list! Around here a big pet peeve is when people congregate at an outdoor facility (baseball field, skate park, kids park) and leave a) their dog’s full poop bag, b) their empty water/sport’s drink bottles, c) trash. And there are trash cans everywhere! That’s the most ridiculous thing about it! WTF? Right?

  10. Too bad you’re feeling sick! But doesn’t the sound of Florida perk you right up?! I think that parents can get more fun as they age – isn’t that why you’re going to the Disney parks with them? Well, that and getting crunk with your dad…!

    1. Hey Cowboys!

      Cold is over and we are are having a good time here! Yeah, I kid but the parents are ok. Still, at times I want to strangle them! 🙂

  11. I can’t buy NyQuil in Norway! I ask guests to bring me a hit, tend to frisk them at arrival for the stuff, then I hoard it like gold. Seriously good sh#+ when you need it.

    Took Dream Baby and the three kids (Sistah J, her daughter O, Nana and Grandpa too) to Disney for the first this past summer. We had a ball, but I had NO IDEA ABOUT THE NO ALCOHOL IN MAGIC KINGDOM! We will not be going back until that rule is changed. Dinner with Cinderella was a life saver. The $500 tab almost seemed worth it just for the beer.

    Mother road every ride with us at Universal. At the end of the day I asked her what her favorites were, then was shocked to hear Harry Potter and Transformers! Too much fun!

    Enjoy your trip!

    Klem, ( hugs in Norwegian)
    PS introduced to you by a mutual friend, UP @ Redneck Latte

    1. Hey Kimberly!

      Thanks so much for coming over and commenting on my blog! Actually, I am half Norwegian on my dad’s side.

      No Nyqil in Norway? Wow. It’s great when sick!

      We did the Cinderella dinner a few years back, and was actually surprised how good it was. Transformers and Harry Potter are good fun!

  12. Hey Phil, So sorry to hear you are under the weather though it certainly hasn’t affected the writing quality or humor. Hope you feel well as you board upon Jet Blue. Have a great time in Disney with the folks, and an especially good time in Epcot with Dad.

    1. Hey Peggy!

      Thanks so much! Glad my cold did not affect my ranting! Feeling better and had a great time at Universal last night! Did Halloween Horror Nights!

  13. That was pretty hilarious. I have to agree; people are bastard-coated bastards with bastard filling. The sooner you accept this, the sooner you can move on with your life.

  14. Have a wonderful trip with the “Parental Units”…literally made me laugh out loud. Yesterday was my day to rant. I was one stupid question or pissy attitude away from a jail sentence. I wanted to scream Simma Down & Smarten Up People!
    Have fun in Florida!

  15. I’m almost not sick now. This nasty sinus virus is determined to last 2 weeks. If I tried to fly now, my head would explode at 30,000 feet.

  16. Ughhh all these things bother me too. Especially littering and especially on the train. LIRR is the worst, especially with the weekend drunk crowd. I’m basically sitting in beer bottles.

  17. But you’re going to Disneyland!!! Ok..I also hate when people don’t clean up after themselves. It’s not like some invisible hand comes and sweet their cigarette butts away..
    And yes, JetBlue is awesome. Best low-cost carrier ever!

  18. Favorite post right up there next to the Sprinkles one. I haven’t gotten over wanting a cupcake. I heard you can order them. I wonder if they ship to NC.

    First of all, I hope you’re feeling better for your trip so that you can enjoy gettin’ crunk.

    I seriously can’t believe people that litter. I hate it when people bring their stinky food on the airplane. I take snacks foods now too but with consideration.

    I’m the “Ms. Considerate” to try to hold the elevator and push the wrong button. It’s kinda funny that I do it EVERY TIME. I’m like the squirrel that runs out in the street and gets confused because a car is barreling down on them.

    1. Hey Kenya!

      Glad you liked this rant! Mmmm…..Sprinkles.

      Feeling much better and ready to get my crunk on!

      Um, I think I will avoid the elevator if I see you in it!

Feel free to comment! We all have opinions!