Summertime is supposed to be warm, we get that. I know that we can all expect muggy days here and there. Bright weekends at the park. Sun drenched days at the beach. The occasional hot and humid afternoons. Summer in NYC is usually filled with these types of days, but hot damn, this heat wave is hotter than Satan’s asshole! Another day of record heat in the 90’s that actually feels like it’s over 100 outside. Is this some kind of crazy joke that Mother Nature is pulling on us? I feel like I am actually melting if I stay outside for more than a few minutes! I can smell the soles of my sneakers burning!
I actually read today on the Gothamist that NYC broke the all time power record usage. Good lord I hope that ConEd can keep up with the power demand during this heat wave. No way in Hell that anyone wants to deal with a power outage right now. Even the Pillsbury Doughboy would end up baking like a croissant on the sidewalk out here. I am ready too see people explode in spontaneous combustion.
Mmmm……croissants.
http://gothamist.com/2013/07/19/nyc_broke_all-time_peak_power_usage.php
Just walking back and forth to lunch these last few days watching people it seems as if everyone is in slow motion. Even the homeless guys on the street are melting. No one is moving fast as we normally do here in NYC. The only reason I have been heading outside these past few days are to run over to the deli to grab lunch and then scurry back to my air conditioned office. It’s almost crazy to say it but I think almost all of us would really rather just be at work where we can sit in cold conditioned comfort. Crank up that free AC baby!
I do have to offer huge props to those who have to work outside during these kinds of adverse weather conditions. Cops, emergency medical, construction workers, day laborers, the guys from ConEd keeping the power on in those man holes, hot dog stands, etc. The heat and steaminess must be brutal and unbearable at times. Just today I walked by a few of these guys working a construction site next to my office and it looked like a scene from “The Walking Dead”. These guys were covered in grime and sweat as if they just jumped out of a dirt and oil shower. They moved in a slow deliberate pace. Funny thing is they still whistled at the ladies walking by in short skirts, no matter how nasty and smelly they were. “Hey baby! You want some of this? Let me rub my fat, hot, sweat soaked, smelly body against you!” Now, what woman would turn down that magnificent mating offer?
A few of my friends went to the beach this week. Um, no. Not happening here. The beach to me is even more hot and sweaty. Plus, no way would I wade out into the NYC beach pollution pond known as the Atlantic Ocean. If I can’t see down past my knees in the water it just ain’t happening! Also, I am as white as a white boy can be. Not only would I melt on the beach I would turn into a giant red tomato. A painful and sunburned red tomato. Nope, I’ll just sit inside and chill out at my work desk with a Starbucks iced coffee to sip on while looking at pictures of the beach on my computer.
I do have to get a chuckle out of the tourists. Even though I do feel bad for some of them (not really) they picked a horrible week to come visit our great city. I do realize that you can’t control the weather, but hot damn some must be wondering why they decided to come to a furnace to walk around in all week. Heck, it’s even cooler down south right now!
Now don’t even get me started on the phenomenon known as “Swamp Ass”. If you spend any amount of time outside today you will become a victim. As most of us have to walk a distance from our subway stops to our homes it is inevitable. That sweat pouring down your back, running down your backside, and into a pool of hot water into your underwear. Tasty! If you get onto the subway platform which feels like molten lava down there and see that the next train doesn’t arrive for another 8-10 minutes you might as well just kill yourself.
At least I see the future forecast calls for more normal temps in the 80’s over the next week. We just need to get through another day of this mess. Maybe some thunderstorms too. The AC units in my apartment have been working non-stop and both sound like they are going into cardiac arrest! When I get the electric bill at the end of the month I probably will too!
I think I know who is behind this weather torment. This effing guy!
Across the street from my house a house is being built. Friday they started the roof and I look over there and just feel so bad for those men. I don’t know how they do it.
But I so disagree with you on the beach thing. I used to live on the East Coast and the beach was my salvation. I went every weekend and as I ran and jumped into that water I could feel my body temperature drop. Now I’m in the midwest and oh, what I wouldn’t give to have them put in an ocean somewhere nearby.
Hey Karen!
I also feel bad for those people. Brutal work in this weather. Road crews too.
I was never a big beach person. Unless I am down in the Caribbean. Now, those are awesome beaches, and you can see in the water right to the bottom!
Yeah, Arizona could use and ocean too.
Hey Tim!
I’ll gladly send you over all of our humidity if that will be ok.
Yeah, I guess you can’t have one without the other. Duh.
Stop kissing up to ConEd workers. Happily, relief is on the way. Thunderstorms predicted for tonight. It will drop into the 80s tomorrow. No more people melts!
Last week officials in Death Valley ordered tourists to stop frying eggs on the sidewalk. It’s creating a huge mess. Google Death Valley Stop Frying Eggs. I can’t include a link to the video. Otherwise, CommentLuv gets pissed.
Hey Lauren!
Yeah, it rained a bit on Saturday night and the temps dropped, but to me its still warm and humid. I was hoping they would drop into the 50’s!
(wishful thinking)
Mmmm….fried eggs. I hope there was a side of bacon with it.
Scotland is having a heatwave too woohoo! But i can’t stand it and have been hiding in doors for the past 2 weeks only venturing out when needed! I’ll be glad to see some rain! What is happening o the world can’t deal with this heat!
Hey Claire!
Wow – I did not realize you get so hot in Scotland. Al least the guys can wear kilts with nothing else on underneath, right?
Not to BRAG or anything, but the weather in Los Angeles right now, ROCKS! lol
Hey GiGi!
Oh, you evil woman you. EVIL!
Hope you get stuck in a five hour traffic jam on the 405! 🙂
This heat is brutal in Philly area too. Yesterday took my Grandson to the pool after camp and it was like a bathtub. I feel bad for the roofers and landscapers too, but after reading Karen’s Comment above began to ponder if keeping the air conditioning cranked during the kitchen redo extended the actual work and visits time LOL.
Hey Peggy!
The heat has been brutal up and down the coast. Yeah, the guys working outside have it rough in this weather.
LOL – maybe if you gave them no AC it would have been finished quicker!
Dare I ask, how did you find out that the heat wave was hotter than satan’s butt?
We’re having a massive heat wave too. Yes, that’s right. The sun has shone with a vengeance for well over a week now in London. The hottest summer since 2006 mate. I love it. We don’t need no ACs though, like I said ‘since 2006’. It’s just so strange watching soaking wet people everywhere. And yes, the flesh is out everywhere. I’ve seen bits on people that I shouldn’t be seeing at my age and some of those men ought to keep their shirts on…
Man, I feel so sorry for your pocket when the bill hits your front door carpet and now I know who is using up all the energy in this world. Can you imagine what would happen when it all runs out. No ACs, no fans! ha ha ha ha Just pure heat.
Hey Rum Punch!
Now, that is private info that if I exposed my sources I might need to be terminated!
Seems like everywhere the weather has been a bit crazy. Oh yeah, the girls in their summer outfits here in NYC are always a sight. Some really good, and some horrifying!
I dread that electric bill but at least I stayed cool!
When I was living in the Land of My Birth (Texas), we called weather like this “April”. 🙂 I now live in Maine, so “Summer” is pretty much non-existent to me. I say that now, but look me up in about 6 months and I’ll be singin’ a different tune, when I am freezing my “gazebos” off and Native Mainers are laughing their asses off at me. Haha!
I have no idea how that link got into my comment. Do you know how it happened?
Hello Fearless!
It’s the link to your last blog post as we use the CommentLuv plug in. Great way to promote your recent funny posts!
Outstanding! I thought I had done something weird (which not unlikely)
No problem! It’s a nice perk to be on that plug in!
Hey Fearless!
We have family in Texas. Hotter than Hell there. So, you switched living with Heat Miser to living with Snow Miser and the Eskimos in winter. Overall, I’ll take the cold over the sweaty summer humidity!
Before moving to Maine, I lived at 8600 feet above sea level in the Rockies, west of Denver, so the cold is nothing new to me. Having said that, I’d rather be hot than cold. LOL
Hey Fearless!
Let’s just say we won’t be switching lives anytime soon! We are Heat and Snow Miser personified!
Oh dear oh dear~ Really warm here too, Phil! I have the fan going and drinking a lot of water to stay hydrated. Take care 🙂
Hey Christy!
Just a fan? I have three AC units and five fans aimed at me full blast! It’s snowing in my apartment! 🙂
We have been 100 with very high humidity 🙂 However, we are always hot in the summer. This year was actually cooler until the last two weeks (cooler meaning in the upper 80’s instead of the 100 degree temps we normally get at least a couple of weeks every summer). It has been nasty wet though, it rained for what seemed like two months from May until July. I thought that when I lived in Seattle that it got hot when it hit 90, I had no idea until I moved south how the humidity can make the temp feel 20 degrees hotter! I hope temps cool down for you this week!
Hey Ann!
It seems like the temps are cooling down a bit for all of us. That is a lot of rain. Bet you thought you were still in Seattle. All you needed was a grunge band to serenade you!
It’s actually cooled down here the last couple of days. It’s a nice break from the 100+ temps we’ve had for over 2 months! Oh, I didn’t mention I was melting away in the desert? 😀 Thank goodness for boating on the lakes. It’s the only thing that saves me…and gets me a decent tan. 😉
Hey Terrye!
Over 2 months! Are you guys living in Hades? Boating on the lake sounds great unless the fish were boiling like lobsters in a pot!
You know how you all are up north when in January us southerners say we’re cold?
That’s all. LOL!
Hey Kenya!
That’s not nice! Just wait until winter hits and we throw snowballs at your asses! 🙂
Ha! You left that wide open for me to sing, “Hit me with your best shot!”
Ok just kidding. You can tease me in September when you’re having nice Fall weather. It will still be 85 degrees here on Thanksgiving. I can’t stand the Christmas song Baby It’s Cold Outside because it never is during the Christmas season.
Hey Kenya!
I have pretty good aim from up here!
I can’t wait for the nice cool Fall weather. Except I hate all the Christmas commercialw we get bombarded with as soon as Holloween hits!
Oh, Mr. Heat Miser! How I loved him when I was a kid. I actually heard the song on the radio last week, I guess they played it in a nod to the record breaking heat. Big cheers for A.C. that’s all I have to say. 🙂
Hey Coleen!
That Christmas show is one of my favs with Heat Miser and Snow Miser. I watch it eavery holiday season. 🙂
I would not want to be without AC right now. Feel bad for those who don’t have it. As a kid growing up we never had it in our house and I hated it then.
Hey Phil!
Yes, yes, yes! I had plans to be in NYC during this outrageous heatwave, and had to postpone those plans. It is/was just too freaking hot. I can relate to you 1000%. I love the summer, but can’t endure the obsessive heat when it hits. And, what you said about the beach, YES! Besides the fact, that it is super hot on the sand, I can’t get in the AO and feel comfortable, because I can’t see my feet. – Carica
Hey Carica!
Sounds like you did the right thing unless you planned on strapping an AC unit to your back!
Summer is a great time, but this year has been brutally humid and steamy. I’m with you on the beach – the AO is Yuck!
I live in Arizona. You whimpy little girly men.
We go hiking when It’s “only 100 degrees”.
Anthony Weiner should buy a Dachshund and name it Oscar so the press can ask him “How’s Oscar Mayor Weiner?” when he is elected Mayor of NYC.
Hello Agent!
Thanks for dropping by my blog and commenting!
Yeah, I know, we hate the humid nasty heat here. I have family over in Gilbert and was there last year in the summer, but it’s a dry heat ! 😉
LOL at the Weiner comment! I just put up a post today about Carlos Danger. Hope you enjoy it. Will check out your blog too.
We are still stuck in the middle of winter. In fact we had a beautiful day today with the temperature being 22 degrees C (not sure what that is in F). Can’t wait for summer!
Hey Lanthie!
Oh, how I wish it was winter here with temps in the 30’s and 40’s. Leather jacket, pair of jeans, boots, oh yeah. It’s been better lately but I am over summer. I like the cold.
I will never ever understand why anyone wants to visit NYC in July or August. Do they know how nasty hot it gets here? I saw a group of tourists walking in JEANS during this heatwave and I just wanted to cry for them.
Hey Jenny!
I say that all the time. Summer weather here is brutal at times. Best to come in the fall or early spring. I saw some people with hoodies on the other day and thought they were nuts!