We have now entered the time of the year that can only be considered the dead zone between seasons of gloom and unabashed joy. Yes, that time of the year on the calendar that seems to drag on endlessly between New Year’s and Spring weather sometime in late April or May. The days start off dark heading to work, and end in the dark on the way home from work. The trees are bare of leaves. The air is cold. The weather unpredictable with days of dryness giving way to snow, sleet, and rain. Kind of dreary out. Very few holidays to break up the monotony save for President’s Day and Martin Luther King day if your company is nice enough to give them off. It’s a time when people desperately try to adhere to their resolutions to eat better, be a bit healthier, and stick to a fitness program.
Yes, we have now entered….The Noob Zone.
I have to admit that I took off a few weeks and let myself go for the holiday season. After working out and training consistently all year I really needed a break. It also gave me a chance to heal up some nagging injuries and muscle aches that come with over-training and age. I was pumped to get back in the gym this past week and hit the weights hard. Little did I realize what a chore that would be. My first night back in the gym was “noob central”! In fact, my gym has become a “noob fest” every night so far. It drives me nuts watching these morons doing most everything wrong and getting in the way.
As a former personal trainer and gym manager I should know better. This is the time of year that the noobs come out of hibernation and join gyms en masse. They all of a sudden get the urge to plop down their cash on a gym membership as part of their New Year’s resolutions. Most will give up and be gone by spring. Gyms bank on this fact. They know most noobs will join, show up a lot at the start, then gradually taper off until they pretty much disappear. They have their money committed to a gym contract and know that the less they show up there is minimal wear and tear on the equipment from overuse. It’s a total win for the gym, yet it’s a pain in the butt for us regular gym members those first three to four months of the year dealing with the noob army arrival.
I swear sometimes I want to strangle the noob who gets on a piece of equipment I need and stays on it for a half hour doing countless sets with bad form. I want to mangle the noob that can’t seem to get out of my way when I’m trying to get through my workout. I want to body slam the noob who gets on the treadmill next to mine when all the others are empty. Then, they want to have a conversation with me when I really don’t want to talk to them in the middle of my workout. (Another reason I always go armed with an ipod to the gym.) Yet, if I suggest a better way to do an exercise, or suggest they have a trainer for a few sessions to show them the ropes they don’t want to hear it. I think most of these noobs read a muscle magazine filled with steroid freaks and their training programs and try to follow it. Meanwhile, most of them are out of shape, weak, clueless, and have never been on a proper training or nutrition plan. Yet, there is the noob doing 25 sets of cable crossovers, chest/legs/biceps/shoulders in the same session, running all out on the treadmill – well, you get my drift. Noob York City!
The funny thing is that this seems like a broken record. It happens every year. Like the movie “Groundhog Day“. You would think that the next generation of noobs would know better. I’ll just have to keep out of their way and do my own thing. I plan my training in the early morning when the noobs are asleep, or after 9pm when most of them have gone home to eat their Captain Crunch. The month of May can’t come soon enough when the gym will be empty again, as the noobs will abandon it for the nicer weather and bar scene.
How many others out there go through this at their gyms every year? Hmmm……actually, how many of you all are noobs at something right now? Are you a noob?
Oddly enough, this epidemic is not exclusive to New York. I admit, I fell off the workout wagon this last year after having been on it consistently for over a year, but I’m back and gearing up for my first 5K. (And I never completely fell off, just became very inconsistent)
Having said that, I guess I’m grateful that IL required 4 years of gym to graduate high school and that our school took both fitness and athletics very seriously. I learned how to properly use gym equipment ages ago and maintained that knowledge. I’m also lucky to have a home gym…that way I don’t have to deal with Noobs or feel self conscious as I sweat myself back into shape. 🙂 Hope it gets better for you soon! (Now it’s time for me to hit the treadmill…without a chatty Kathy on the one next to me)
Hi Kitt! Congrats on getting back into it and good luck on the 5K! That takes dedication for sure.
I’ve been through those inconsistant patches. Sometimes you just have to will yourself back in the gym. Once going again it becomes much easier and then you crave that workout high.
Being in a small NYC apartment leave little room for a gym, plus mine is just up the block anyway! I have no excuses. 😉
OMG this is freakin HILARIOUS and so so SO very true. I used to give it till about MLK day before they gave up. I even stopped GOING to the gym b/c of this. Just people in general trying to talk to me as I’m trying to sweat it out, or the classes that I like getting so crammed and full that it’s like – WTF? Gimme some space. Then they look at YOU like you have some kind of issue/ I’m also in the health industry, as an educator, and NYC is a tough nut to crack. You like to go over and give them suggestions…and they look like you have six heads when you do it. One topic I hear a lot about is juicing,and everyone has their opinion on how to do it…generally, starvation and deprivation which is so far from the truth. And when I try to suggest that it doesn’t have to be difficult/hard, they’re like – WTF DO YOU KNOW??!?!?!!! Yup, just my job. SMH!
Hi Taryn!
Glad you liked it so much! Happy you got a chuckle from this post. 🙂
Everything you mentioned in your comment is so true. Most gym noobs are idiots. Some are ok and will become regular members. The others just make us all annoyed.
Thanks for reading! I just liked your facebook page too!
I live in South Africa and we are n the middle of summer – stunning blue skies and we spend loads of time outdoors at this time of year. The problem with this time of year is that business is very slow and only really picks up again in March.
Hello Lanthie! Thanks for reading and commenting. I would love to live in an outdoors place like that. Great way to stay fit and active. I am sure when March come around you will be more busy there.
this is why i stay away from the gym,…. and do my Kanye workout on the couch!
As long as you have your workout partner doing it horizontally with you there! WEPA!!!! 😉
I’ve no idea what the term “NOOB” stands for but can relate to what you are talking about. This situation arises all over the world. For some reason people feel the need to sort themselves out at the New Year. Why wait until then when you can organise yourself any time.
To avoid the frustrations, would you maybe keep some weights at home Phil or go running in the park instead? Cheaper and hopefully less frustration.
Hello Guy!
A NOOB is a newbie who has no clue what they are doing. I know, for some reason people wait until New Years to try and better themselves, and most give up after a few months.
Small NYC apartment is not good for storing weights. Plus, I am a gym guy. I love working out in a gym with a full array of heavy weights and machines to use. I’ll deal with the noobs as I’m not giving up the gym.
Preach!!! I applaud anyone who wants and is willing to put the work into getting in shape, but I do hate this time of season at the gym. Because for every person who is taking the first step into become a legit gym goer, there are about 9 other people who are using the machines to just sit and gossip-literally. I see so many people using the freakin machines like chairs, talking to people or texting. And the staff doesn’t do squat about it. I could really go on and on about it. BUT, as you said, like a storm, they tend to disappear before you know it. I went to the gym at 7 a.m. yesterday, and it was wonderful-minus waking early. The best way to avoid noobs to go and “unlikable” times to workout.
Hi Holly!
Thanks for reading! Preach I will!
I give credit for anyone who steps foot in the gym and tries to better themselves. It’s hard to get out of a comfort zone. Yet, I hate that they all do it right after New Years.Yeah, I am in the habit now of early morning, or evening workouts after 9pm.
I appreciate the comment!
Anger issues! Have a little compassion for the well-intentioned, though soon-to-be-flaky, noobs.
That said, I always stay away from the gym in January. Well, I always stay away from the gym period. But if I ever think about going back, it would not be in January. Maybe for my February resolutions.
Yes! Me too! Go away noobs!
Avoid Jan. Use that month to eat bad and fill up on booze. Go to gym in Feb to cleanse your sins away.
I am just about ready to start a fitness/kick boxing 10 week intensive program to get back in shape. I gained about 5 pounds since mid-December.
I don’t consider myself a Noob in the gym, but I am sure I am a Noob at something. Thanks for adding to my vocabulary. I don’t think I have ever used the word “Noob” before!
Hey Matt. 5 pounds? That is a piece of cake. Kick boxing is an awesome way to exercise and the weight will come right off.
Now Noob is a part of your life! Learn it, Live it, Love it!
Not a noob. Lol I workout all the time it is funny to see who stays and who doesn’t when you go to the gym daily. I love your pictures on here. I wanted to say thanks for visiting my blog.
Hi Patricia!
Thanks for dropping by and reading mine too! Yup, we see our regulars at the gym and then there are the noobs who come and go. I appreciate the comment.