Mr Sandman. He hate me.
I seem to have a love/hate relationship with Mr Sandman lately. I love sleep, but I think he hates me. Recently, I have been trying to go to bed a bit earlier just to get some extra shut eye. Of course, now when I do that I can’t fall alseep right away. Like many of us I have developed a bad habit of watching tv until 2 or 3am and falling asleep on the couch. That’s ok for my fiancee’ Stacey as she claims I snore so loud she is one night going to kill me in my sleep. She goes to bed first and gets to sleep for a few hours before I come in and unleash all Hell upon her with my sounds of sleep ecstasy. I really don’t believe her, as how come I never hear it? I think she is hallucinating. If she reads this post I think she will put a pillow over my snoring face and send me to sleep with the fishes.
Now, going back to Mr Sandman. This dude normally was my bro. My wing man. My consigliare. He had my back all these years. I was the type to fall asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow. Now, it seems like he is playing with me. I’ll fall asleep on the couch and then stumble over to bed to resume sleep and then lay there with a million thoughts running through my mind. “Did I lock the door?” “The project at work tomorrow is due.” “Is the coffee
machine off.” “Why does that fish lipped chick from Mob Wives look and sound like a guy?” “When will they finally kill off annoying Andrea on The Walking Dead?” “I like pie.” When I finally drift away to sleep it is normally awoken by one of a few things. The alarm clock is usually the most prevalent. Yes, that annoying thing called employment does get in the way of sleep. Or more of it. It’s a neccessary evil as it’s needed to pay the bills.
Then, there are the other things many of us deal with as part of New York City apartment living that also adds to lack of sleep. Namely, the neighbors who reside amongst us. Whether they are over us, beside us, under us, or across the way from us there are times when we all wish we really could go beat the snot out of them.
Some of the sleep destroyers we deal with on a daily basis when trying to get a few zzz’s –
The people above us for some reason like to rearrange their furniture at 2am. WTF? Stop dragging your couch across the floor!
The couple across the way that has to fight and argue in the wee hours of the morning. Idiots! Go argue and break up where most New Yorkers do it – out on a street corner!
The dude who lives below us and hacks and coughs up loogies every morning at 6am. I wish this guy would close his damn window. It’s worse than an alarm clock. Eat a lozenge!
The a-hole whe comes home and cooks liver at 2am. Ugh! That shizz smells nasty and now its wafted into our apartment. Get the Febreeze out!
The moron below us who blasts bad rap music as his alarm. Seriously, he has it set to his stereo and the speakers are set to maximum. Every freaking morning we have to hear this, and sometimes on weekends. Kill me.
The group of 20-somethings who live near us that come home drunk at 3am and decide to cook and throw every pot and pan around. One day they will get a pan upside the head!
Then there is the douchenozzle across the hall that has to slam their door shut multiple times so hard that our walls shake. Every day. All day long. Can I slam your noggin with that door?
I guess it’s the price to pay to live in a relatively confined space with millions of people. Some are more respectful of others. I’ll admit I am no church mouse, and have come home late at times being a bit tipsy and rowdy myself, but I try to be a bit quiet and considerate late at night. I am told I snore louder on nights like those too. Should I actually start fearing for my life?
Sleep deprivation is something that has actually become a big problem in this country. From reports I have read it seems many of us do not get enough of it. What keeps you up at night? Does Mr Sandman hate you too?
Thank God for coffee!