Massive Gastronomica, Clothes Shopping, and Spanx in NYC!

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One of the things that most men dread, and some women too, its shopping for clothes. It’s a necessary evil, and one that I do not like at all anymore. I actually did not mind hitting the shops to pick up some gear for my bod back in the past. I was a bit of a clothes whore. That was when things actually fit me the right way. Before my body changed a bit. Before I moved into NYC and caught the foodie bug and became a gluttonous beast. I mean, let’s get real here, one of the reasons so many of us live in a cosmopolitan fantasyland like the city I reside in is that fact that there is pretty much every fattening and delicious food on the planet here. Amazing restaurants. Ethnic diversity of meals. Food stands on almost every corner. Food trucks parked on the streets. Temptation is everywhere. Everything freaking delivers! Massive Gastronomica!

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Sure, as many of us get older we gain a few pounds around the midsection. A few more inches packed on the waistlines. Maybe some such as myself keep working out not just to keep in shape, but to also be able to burn off all the massive calories we consume eating things like Shake Shack burgers and Big Gay Ice Cream treats. NYC is an evil bitch like that. She lures you in and stuffs you silly, then laughs in your face when you try to zip up those jeans. You think you’re actually going to get some from her, then all she does is loosen your belt a notch and friendzones your fat ass. Do you think we actually enjoy running miles out on the streets, parks, or on the treadmills every other day? Sweating our butts off lifting things up and putting them down in the gym? Not really. I do enjoy my gym sessions and lifting weights, but the running sucks. It’s needed though if I don’t want to start shopping in the Big & Tall Hindenburg section of Macy’s. I’m sure as hell not going to wear sweatpants everywhere. Or stop eating. Elastic expando-pants? Hellz No!

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Also, what the heck happened to clothing sizes nowadays? I could swear that the fashion industry is giving all of us normal or larger sized folks a big “Fuck You” lately. Everywhere I go it seems as if everything is “slim fit” or cut so ridiculously narrow that they are made for people built like stick figures. A guy like me who works out just can’t find a comfortable and proper fitting blazer, dress shirt, pants, or suit anymore without spending a small fortune on alterations. Everything across the upper body, shoulders, and arms are way too tight. Fat guy in a little coat! (RIP Chris Farley). It’s insane! Maybe that “skinny jean” and “European cut” crap goes over well for men with builds like a little girl, but for a normal to bigger sized dude with real arms, waists, and shoulders it’s like being trapped in a torture device. Have the designers seen the actual size of us AMURRICANS lately? Sure, we know our country has gotten larger and many people are overweight nowadays, but even healthy regular sized people can’t fit into these effing clothes! Stop the insanity!

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Also, what the heck is it with guys wearing Spanx now? I have seen commercials for men’s versions of this. The undershirt and tank top versions. Who the heck wants to wear what amounts to being a man-girdle all day? No no no! Not me. Guess I’ll never be shopping at H&M or wearing skinny jeans. I’m heading to Vegas next week on biz and had to go shopping for some dress pants and jackets the other day. Hated every minute of it. I really needed a wordrobe upgrade anyway. Everything I own is getting old and out of date. I’m the type of guy that will wear things until they fall apart. Even though I do enjoy looking good and wearing nice duds. It’s just the fact that over time I have become disgusted shopping for them. I need to hit Powerball and hire a personal shopper and style consultant. Oh well, time to suck it up and spend a day in the stores. Spend some cash and fill up the closet. No Spanx! Then go out to eat!

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Is it just me, or does everyone go through this now when clothes shopping? Let me know what you think. Do you like to shop for clothes or is it like sticking needles in your eyes?

34 thoughts on “Massive Gastronomica, Clothes Shopping, and Spanx in NYC!”

  1. Clothes shopping. Not enjoyable. I’d rather be at a Farmers Market. Men in Spanx. No.
    Women in Spanx. Eat more yogurt. Lots of great tempting food in New York. Oh yes. Finally, yes, they are making clothes smaller. It has made clothes shopping much more difficult.This is not because I’ve not put on an itty -bitty extra at fifty-five- but because I can still fit in pants I wore ten years ago! Take that new clothes designers.
    Peggy Gilbey McMackin recently posted…Lobster Salad, Lemongrass Infused Mayonnaise, Assi Plaza Re-OpeningMy Profile

  2. Ha,ha! I have been fortunate in my life (prior to turning 50) in that I was always able to eat whatever and not gain too much weight. People would always comment and ask me where it all went. I can pack it down, let me tell you. No ordering a salad for this brickhouse! Well….it has finally caught up with me and I am resembling a sausage these days (I need to blog about this). When shopping now, my eyes tend to go the direction of the Plus Women section even though I’m not there..yet! I think what appeals to me for clothing are items that cover everything up from head to toe. I would be happy with a couple of canvas tents in different colors as my wardrobe. 🙂
    brickhousechick recently posted…While You Were OutMy Profile

  3. I hate shopping. I so most of it online without the terrible lighting that makes me look like the hobbit in mirrors in the dressing rooms. I would rather look like the hobbit in my own room.

    And my husband feels the same way. He swears that all men’s clothes are made for preteen girls.
    Mandi recently posted…Of Foodgasms and Muff-Fro’sMy Profile

  4. Clothes shopping is an exercise in torture, but I have been up and down in weight so many times I basically have a whole boutique of various sizes right in my closet. Trying on clothes is only fun when you’re losing weight. Other way around, it’s a good way to feel like crap.

    And the irony of NYC! Amazing deliciousness everywhere, but everyone is expected to dress to the nines no matter what. Sigh. I miss it…

  5. OMG one of your funniest posts!!! “Big and Tall Hindenburg Section” BRILLIANT! Hey, you need to come over and guest on my site someday soon and use this post. After my clothes shopping post from a few weeks ago, this post would fit in nicely. You ROCK!
    Marcia recently posted…My Father’s ChairMy Profile

  6. Even though I love buying clothes, I hate shopping for them. I can try 10 pairs of pants in my size and no two will fit the same. I’m not sure what’s up with that. That being said, if Lee’s/Riders ever go out of business, I’m pretty much screwed.
    Mary J Melange recently posted…Extra Pillow?My Profile

  7. Fat guy, little coat! Fat guy little coat! I freaking love that movie. Haha.

    As for clothes shopping, HATE IT. I’ve been a big girl all my life and I have a hard time finding anything decent. Lane Bryant is expensive as hell and Walmart usually has something really ugly, poorly fitting or with cartoon characters on them. Target? Fuggehdaboutit! (Did I spell that right?)

    I’m working on dropping the pounds ever so slowly but at least I’m trying. Thankfully hubby is on board with eating better and buying the good, healthy stuff.
    Kim recently posted…How to Be a Writer in 5 Easy StepsMy Profile

  8. I loathe shopping (I have worked to remove the word ‘hate’ from my vocabulary) for clothes. I like you have been expanding and I am not the man I once was…I have a doctors appt. for my annual physical this afternoon and he’s gonna tell me about impending doom and my overactive taste buds… everything tastes soooo good… hang in there – you’re young… have a great week!
    Clay recently posted…Father’s Day and the World CupMy Profile

  9. It is definitely NOT just you! I started a blog post on this at LEAST twice. Some of the clothing for ‘bigger’ girls is just plain old insulting. Like that episode of the Simpsons (which YES is in my Draft post) where Homer goes to the BIG & TALL store and they tell him he has TWO choices:
    Judges robes or a mumu.
    He says “I don’t want to look like a weirdo, gimme the mumu.”
    You would think designers would keep REAL people in mind, I mean most of us are willing to throw down some coin in the name of comfortable clothing that isn’t a mumu. We’ve gotten better, I’ll say that. The first time I was pregnant (19 years ago, OLD) the clothes were literally all mumus. They’re a little better now, but not much.
    I did see that Project Runway is doing a season of size 12+, so hopefully designers will get their heads out of the asses of size 0 models and take a look at the real world. One can hope! Cuz I’ll tell ya, no matter how much exercise I do, I’m not stopping eating cake or drinking beer. Not in my ‘Murica!
    I love that picture of you eating the brontosaurus carcass!
    Joy Christi recently posted…Orange Is The New Game of ThronesMy Profile

  10. You know, there’s so much about your blog I love, that it’s just damn sinful!!! First off, my mom is constantly telling me I have an inappropriate relationship with food, which I did…strike that DO!! But since January & my New Years Resolution, I’ve come into a personal life, putting my work schedule/ethics on the freaking backburner and demanding some fun for once in my overworked boring life!!! Since then, I’ve been dating a few guys, partying like crazy and enjoying my new life!!! However, my librarian clothes just wouldn’t do!! (i.e. sweat pants cookie monster T, pencil skirts, etc.) So I went on a shopping spree and what do you know?? In the time I had published four books and now, clothes got a lot smaller!!! So yes, Phil, we all feel the excruciating pinch and tightening of the designers belts!! It’s just so freaking awesome, that a man would say this!!! As for your size, I just so happen to love strong men with Viking bod’s, so you let us ladies worry about that!!! We love looking at our sexy muscular man from New York; and that food you’ve been eating and writing about, clearly does a body good!!! My advice: keep the treadmill churning, the calories burning and the food coming!!! lmao Inion 😉
    Inion N. Mathair recently posted…Meet Book Cover Artist, Nick DeMarsicoMy Profile

  11. Clothes shopping? Sorry Phil. I love it oh, along with shopping for books. Food shopping on the other hand is so boring because….Oh sorry. Wrong discusssion! Oh yeah, shopping for clothes.

    Of course, it’s not easy these days and what was once continental size 36. (US Size 4). Isn’t any more. It’s different. Depending on the country of origin of the clothes. It could be Size 34 (Italian) or 42(American). When I went to San Francisco just 3 years ago. I bought a pair of Calvin Klein jeans (I couldn’t believe the price. It was so cheap, I bought two!). It was Size 2!

    Don’t get me started on shoes. Although I’m petite. At least in Germany I am (Haw! Haw!!). In Hong Kong, I’m a tall model LOL! Anyway, shoes. I have huge feet for a girl. Continental Size 42/43 or US 8.5/9.5! I can never find something pretty and decent. I have to go to London for heels and wear mens’ shoes for sport and hiking. Sigh!
    Victoria recently posted…A light, a camera, and a broken arm: Action and drama at the Berlin Music Video Awards.My Profile

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