Karma, Schadenfreude, and Laughing at Winter Morons in NYC.

 

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I just can’t help myself. Call it being evil, lack of compassion, or just plain juvenile. I get a kick out of other’s minor misfortunes. Namely, those that deserve it here in NYC. You know the types. Those who are overly self centered, inconsiderate, snarky, or just plain douchebags. Nothing wrong with a good chuckle at their misfortune. Then again, I laugh at pretty much anyone when the time, and ridiculous circumstances arise. Lord knows I have had my share of mishaps that had people giggling at my displeasure. I have slipped and fallen flat on my back, strepped into piles of dog poop that engulfed my whole foot, and even walked through a plate glass door. Oh, that last one has happened a few times. How I’m not stitched up like Frankenstein escapes me. I know karma is a bitch, but I still have at it when seeing someone first hand do something dumb, or have something idiotic happen to them. Winter season here in NYC is such a great time to people watch and get my jollies. Here are a few that get my funny bone going. Schadenfreude is my co-pilot.

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When someone steps into that monster moat of slush on the street corners.

– Oh yeah, this is always good for a cheap laugh. I love watching the guy in expensive recently shined shoes not pay attention and slog right into a calf deep slush puddle on the way to work at his froo froo job on Wall Street. Day. Ruined. Muahahaha!

When someone with a super expensive business suit or fur coat gets mud and icy slop splattered on them.

– This ties in quite nicely with the above shoe disaster. Nothing like seeing Mr or Mrs Fancypants get splattered by a passing vehicle because they are too preoccupied staring into their iPhone and way too far into the street instead of waiting on the sidewalk for the light to change. Kudos to the driver for timing it just right to hit that puddle of slushy mess. Bravo!

When a person with one of those ginormous golf umbrellas has it ripped inside out when a strong artic wind blasts them.

– Yes, these people carring umbrellas that can shade half the planet get under my skin. They take up the whole sidewalk, you can’t get around them, and they are so inconsiderate about it. God forbid a snowflake or rain drop hits them. When I see the shredded carcass of one in a corner garbage can I high five Mother Nature. Seeing it happen in plain sight is something that always puts a smile on my face as the person fights to right the ship, but usually loses the battle.

The dude who wears a windbreaker in sub-zero temps rather than a winter coat to prove his manhood. Enjoy pneumonia!

– I see this all the time. We are going through a Polar Vortex of frigid temps and I see guys with nothing more than a Spring jacket on. Trying to be all tough and ignore the cold. It’s going to be 1 degree tonight in NYC yet I saw a few of these morons walking to the subway today and they were shivering while standing next to me. I’m sure I’ll see the same nimrods next week sick with cold, flu, and bronchitis going to work wondering how they fell ill. Hey, I love the cold air, but I bundle my ass up when Mother Nature decides to give us an arctic enema!

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The asshole who refuses to shovel out his/her car and has a half dozen tickets on the window because they won’t move it until Spring thaw. Nice boot stuck on that front tire!

– This is one of the reasons I refuse to own a car while living in Manhattan. There is no real reason to own one when living here, especially with great mass transit all around. Yet, these people insist on having one and parking it in the streets all year hogging up space. I love seeing those who are too lazy to clear the snow off  and move them for the streets to be cleaned being issued parking tickets. Seeing that boot placed on a front tire and ready to be towed just gives me the warm fuzzies inside.

The douchebag who won’t move a bit and let you pass on a sidewalk narrowed by ice and snow piles. Then slips and falls.

– This makes me explode with laughter. It doesn’t happen too often, but when this golden unicorm appears it just brightens up the worst day. Some people think they own the sidewalks, or think they are too good to move aside and let you pass. Watching them fall on their ass is glorious! I love a NYC winter!

The utter douchbag who won’t pick up their dog’s crap and leaves it on the snow.

– Well, this is one I fantasize about. Packing it into a snowball and throwing it at them. One can only dream as the shit filled snowball splatters across their back, and they curse at me while their mini teacup sized dog that is as small as a city rat yaps away. Of course, I am running in the other direction laughing my ass off.

Until I slip and fall flat on my back on the ice. On top of dog poop.

Karma is a bitch.

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32 thoughts on “Karma, Schadenfreude, and Laughing at Winter Morons in NYC.”

  1. Great post and so funny Phil… I nodded in agreement with you as I read those lines with regard to the reasons why you refuse to own a car while living in Manhattan.
    Big cities are pretty harsh, aren’t they. Same thing happens here in Downtown BA.
    All the best to you. Aquileana 🙂

  2. Ha! The one I like (at any time of the year!) is when someone is being a real jerk to someone working in a restaurant or shop or something, and they storm off arrogantly and then make the wrong decision about whether to push or pull the exit door and are there struggling with the door, knowing their dramatic exit is totally ruined!
    Vanessa-Jane Chapman recently posted…Sometimes We’re the 9 and Sometimes We’re the 1My Profile

  3. We have idiots like that here in sunny and too, too, hot and dry for February, California, too. One of my favorites is the “I’m more important than you,” guy flying past you on the freeway, driving 90 miles an hour, solo, in the carpool lane, talking on his cell phone, only to see him 5 minutes down the road in front of a highway patrol car with his flashing lights on. That’s Karma at it’s best. Because, if that Dude’s in a construction (and where in California isn’t a construction zone any more?), that ticket is going to be upwards of $1,200. LOVE IT!!

    Or when I pull up behind that same person at the exit ramp behind the red stop light. Looks like all that “cheating” really paid off for you didn’t it?

    Here’s to Karma at it’s best. Stay warm and stay way from the idiots.

    Patricia Rickrode
    w/a Jansen Schmidt
    Patricia recently posted…Midnight Ramblings Of An Incurable InsomniacMy Profile

  4. On Live last year (yeah, I watch it, so), Kelly Ripa said she calls snow encased dog crap “snit” (snow + sh^t). And yeah, I can see wanting to launch a snit ball at someone. But with my luck, I’d throw like a girl backwards and hit myself in the face. 🙂

    Nice list of mean stuff.

  5. Being a Bay Area, California girl snow and I do not get along. I think it’s pretty and interesting but after an hour or so I’m totally over it. My friend laughed at me on New Year’s day because I was trudging through snow in BFE Arizona wearing SNEAKERS. Not surprisingly, my feet were soaked. It’s a fricken miracle I didn’t end up with frostbite.
    Kim recently posted…What the World Needs is More CompassionMy Profile

  6. Winter in NY or any large city is a nightmare ‘cos of the ice and slush and slush and slush! Sadly, I’m probably that “someone with a super expensive business suit or fur coat getting mud and icy slop splattered on them” whilst on my iPhone. Experience has taught me to stand right back from the pavement when vehicles are coming, as they just love to see my face when I get splattered LOL!
    Oh, and I have stepped in dog poo too. Luckily, nobody saw me. Phew!
    Victoria recently posted…The time that I fell off the ski lift in the Czech Republic!My Profile

  7. Yes! Love this list. The only thing that’s missing is the idiotic bitches out clubbing in the Meatpacking District with bare legs! BARE LEGS! Do bouncers let nake legs cut lines? Sorry but looking hot will never be worth frost bite.
    “The dude who wears a windbreaker in sub-zero temps rather than a winter coat to prove his manhood. Enjoy pneumonia!” comes pretty close to this. Those are the dudes who but these girls drinks I guess!
    Mary Lane recently posted…Coming March 13: Choice Eats 2015My Profile

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