Well, here we finally are in full Spring weather mode! It’s about damn time after that long horrendous Winter here in NYC. Seemed like that nightmare of neverending snowfalls and cold blustery days were never going to end. It’s such a feeling of freedom when we can finally shed the heavy coats and snow gear and walk around in a t-shirt and jeans. Here in NYC the populace has already embraced the warm sunny 60 degree days and switched over to sundresses, skirts, jeans, sunglasses, and light comfortable wear. The streets at night are full with people dining at all the outdoor cafe seating. I have observed couples arguing in the streets performing the annual Spring de-coupling to get single and ready to mingle. Most are anxiously awaiting the long Memorial Day weekend to come which sets off the start of Summer here. Yet, as I walk the streets of this fair city I do see those that seem to have forgotten what a dress code is all about as the seasons change. The most glaring thing I have seen so far are those who have already switched over to wearing crocs now that the weather has warmed up! Oh hellz no!
I’m sorry, but I would not be caught dead wearing those things, in public or otherwise. I know a few people who wear them on long shifts in hospitals for comfort, so that one I’ll offer a pass, but other than that no effing way. This is fashion forward NYC for god’s sake! Take off those hideous things and head into one of the numerous shoe stores here and buy some acceptable footwear that won’t make you look like a dork.
Also, I have already seen people wearing shorts already, which is cool with me as I had mine on this past weekend when it was sunny and about 70 outside. Stylishly current shorts and the like are what most wear nowadays, even cargo’s, but I just saw a blast from the past that made me do a double take. I saw a dude rocking the Jorts! Yes, that repulsive article of clothing that way too many guys wore back in the 90’s. That’s where they should have stayed. Why would any man wear these things? Other than wrestler Stone Cold Steve Austin no dude nowadays should be sporting the Jorts! It’s like a guy’s version of soccer mom jeans. Fug-ly! Just walk into any Walmart, Kohls, Modells, Old Navy or any clothing store and pick up a few pairs of non-embarrassing shorts. Believe me, your wife, girlfriend, children, pets, and friends will all breathe a sigh of relief.
Which brings me to this little tidbit of disgustingness that I really hate seeing. I was sitting across this guy on the subway today wearing socks and sandals. Yuck! No No No No No! Just No! What the heck is wrong with you dude? To make it even worse they were brown sandals with white socks that were snow white right out of the pack. Why would you do that to yourself, man? You might as well hang out with the dudes who wear crocs. Again, proper footwear style code must be learned here. Shit, I won’t even let my old man dress like that. He’s a bit older now and I think I can take him. Maybe. Depends on how drunk we get.
Now the one thing I know I am dreading is observing that article of clothing on the beach this Summer that we all fear seeing. The guy in the Speedo. Oh, come on, you just know that for some strange reason some men still insist on wearing these horrid pieces of man meat sack material. Old dudes and European guys mostly. The banana hammock. The man thong. The dong holster. The meat compactor. The grape smuggler. Why do males of the human species still insist on wearing these eye searing things? That’s not really a vision you want imprinted on your brain for the rest if your lifetime! We have all seen the comedy film or at least know of Borat in the lime green full body mankini thong thing. I just don’t want to view a dude wearing it in real life! Right in front of me. My eyes!
It’s inevitable that these fashion faux pas will never seem to go away, and just keep attacking our senses year in and year out. Here comes Summer. There’s no escape. Get the eye bleach ready.