Well, here we finally are in full Spring weather mode! It’s about damn time after that long horrendous Winter here in NYC. Seemed like that nightmare of neverending snowfalls and cold blustery days were never going to end. It’s such a feeling of freedom when we can finally shed the heavy coats and snow gear and walk around in a t-shirt and jeans. Here in NYC the populace has already embraced the warm sunny 60 degree days and switched over to sundresses, skirts, jeans, sunglasses, and light comfortable wear. The streets at night are full with people dining at all the outdoor cafe seating. I have observed couples arguing in the streets performing the annual Spring de-coupling to get single and ready to mingle. Most are anxiously awaiting the long Memorial Day weekend to come which sets off the start of Summer here. Yet, as I walk the streets of this fair city I do see those that seem to have forgotten what a dress code is all about as the seasons change. The most glaring thing I have seen so far are those who have already switched over to wearing crocs now that the weather has warmed up! Oh hellz no!
I’m sorry, but I would not be caught dead wearing those things, in public or otherwise. I know a few people who wear them on long shifts in hospitals for comfort, so that one I’ll offer a pass, but other than that no effing way. This is fashion forward NYC for god’s sake! Take off those hideous things and head into one of the numerous shoe stores here and buy some acceptable footwear that won’t make you look like a dork.
Also, I have already seen people wearing shorts already, which is cool with me as I had mine on this past weekend when it was sunny and about 70 outside. Stylishly current shorts and the like are what most wear nowadays, even cargo’s, but I just saw a blast from the past that made me do a double take. I saw a dude rocking the Jorts! Yes, that repulsive article of clothing that way too many guys wore back in the 90’s. That’s where they should have stayed. Why would any man wear these things? Other than wrestler Stone Cold Steve Austin no dude nowadays should be sporting the Jorts! It’s like a guy’s version of soccer mom jeans. Fug-ly! Just walk into any Walmart, Kohls, Modells, Old Navy or any clothing store and pick up a few pairs of non-embarrassing shorts. Believe me, your wife, girlfriend, children, pets, and friends will all breathe a sigh of relief.
Which brings me to this little tidbit of disgustingness that I really hate seeing. I was sitting across this guy on the subway today wearing socks and sandals. Yuck! No No No No No! Just No! What the heck is wrong with you dude? To make it even worse they were brown sandals with white socks that were snow white right out of the pack. Why would you do that to yourself, man? You might as well hang out with the dudes who wear crocs. Again, proper footwear style code must be learned here. Shit, I won’t even let my old man dress like that. He’s a bit older now and I think I can take him. Maybe. Depends on how drunk we get.
Now the one thing I know I am dreading is observing that article of clothing on the beach this Summer that we all fear seeing. The guy in the Speedo. Oh, come on, you just know that for some strange reason some men still insist on wearing these horrid pieces of man meat sack material. Old dudes and European guys mostly. The banana hammock. The man thong. The dong holster. The meat compactor. The grape smuggler. Why do males of the human species still insist on wearing these eye searing things? That’s not really a vision you want imprinted on your brain for the rest if your lifetime! We have all seen the comedy film or at least know of Borat in the lime green full body mankini thong thing. I just don’t want to view a dude wearing it in real life! Right in front of me. My eyes!
It’s inevitable that these fashion faux pas will never seem to go away, and just keep attacking our senses year in and year out. Here comes Summer. There’s no escape. Get the eye bleach ready.
Holy Hay-soos in Heaven!
Hey Fearless!
You said a mouthful! Plenty of dumbassery here in NYC!
I completely agree on ALL accounts! A rarity for me! Funny piece that speaks the truth! good insights! I hope people will take your advice for all our sakes! lol
Hey Stephanie!
So glad we are all in agreement here! I only speaketh the truth as I see it!
YOU crack me the F*ck up! It’s like you’re speaking MY mind! I can’t tell you how many of my son’s friends would come over wearing the glaringly white socks with their brown, woven sandals. We used to live in Bensonhurst and it was always, ALWAYS the little Russian kids. And, don’t call me a bigot because my bloodline pretty much contains ALL races (except for maybe 1 or 2 – Puerto Rican, Romanian, Russian, Polish, Austrian and maybe a few others as my mother’s family increases the list every time someone moves a border). *As soon as I saw your Jorts pic, I KNEW it was the 90’s! Take me back to St. Mark’s Place! LOL
Hey Lorien!
So glad you got a good laugh here as it sounds like you lived the life! It’s amazing how people still consciously dress like this!
This is the one!
Every time I come to this blog and read about all of the fun things you do and all the amazing restaurants you visit in NYC you make me miss that city so much. Not today. This is the one. Nothing here I miss or am jealous of! HA!
Hey Karen!
Yes! Finally! I have blogged about that one thing! My life is now complete! I’ve done it! 🙂
Good gawd, did you have to post a pic of a guy in a speedo? Ew, ew, ew! A million times Ew.
Hey Mary!
Now that’s an image you’re remember forever!
Man a livin’. I’m so there with you….on everything. Truth is, unless you’re built like an Olympic gymnast or swimmer, no man should ever wear a speedo. No need to advertise in your grape smugglers that yours are, in fact, the size of grapes. 😡
Hey Kitt!
No one wants to see the fat dude sporting a banana hammock. Especially if he is wearing crocs!
Well dang it. I was hoping to see a picture of yourself in the man thong with socks and crocks. You could take a selfie and call it, socks, crocks, and cocks.
I’d have to agree with you though about re-thinking the speedo. Even really hot men with really hot bodies should not wear those things. It’s just wrong. They look painful.
So much fun you have there in the city. Out here we get a lot of guys wearing cut-off shorts, socks and hiking boots; sort of a half-dressed lumberjack thing going on. That’s a look that should be outlawed as well. But if you must don that outfit, please, do NOT add the tool belt. Just don’t do it. Don’t.
Patricia Rickrode
w/a Jansen Schmidt
Hey Patricia!
You will never see a pic of me in that kind out nasty outfit. Never!
Actually, there are certain parts of the city here where the lumberjack look would fit right in!
Seasonal attire in Seattle: Winter? Knee-socks with your utilikilt and birkenstocks. Spring? Ankle socks and birkies. Summer? Naked feet unless there is a formal occasion calling for birkies. Autumn? What’s that?
Hey Barb!
Sounds like an up and coming city for fashion sense!
Better white socks than black knee-high dress socks.
Hey Melissa!
Ewwww….either way it makes my skin crawl!
I hate speedos! They rank right up there with spandex bike shorts for me!
Hey Emily!
You don’t want your guy to parade around in the bedroom in them?
I think it still might freak me out!
Better not show him this post! He might get some ideas!
You’re such a fashion snob. 🙂
John has Croc’s for RV’ing for ease of slipping on and off. Uk.
As for the speedos and white socks with sandals, yep, definitely European. Double Uk.
Going to have to agree that New Yorkers need to step it up. Out here in the Western boonies, we look to the east for our fashion dos and don’ts. Please don’t confuse us hicks.
Hey Shelley!
Many times the things I see here in my daily travels even confuse me. Some of these people must be tourists. Or from the West. 🙂
Those orange what-ever-the-F they are define UGLYYYYYYYYYYYY, Dork, Uncool, and Undatable.
xx
Hey Kim!
Dorkwear is so not flattering! Undateable for sure!
Love this. It reminds me of the first time I drove to California with my sister and brother-in-law. He got out of the car to pump gas and a kid called out, “Welcome to California, you can take your socks off now.” He was wearing socks with sandals.
Hey Jeri!
Hahaha! Now that is pretty funny. Kids have a way of shaming us adults!
I usually try to make a game out of this — see how many fashion mistakes I can spot in a day– but sometimes you just don’t understand how or why they left the house looking like that. Just ew.
Your pic was right, the holes in crocs is where your dignity pores out of. Gross. Fun post!
Hey Jean!
I really think some people dress in the dark. Or just gave up. Either way, crocs should be a federal offense!
Hahahaha nice to see you dabble in Fashion blogging! I rock some jorts but then my dignity has been missing for almost a decade now. They would not put out an Amber Alert and I really don’t miss it.
I’ll say this for socks and sandals, if someone’s feet arranged jacked I would always always rather see socks. That’s just science.
Hey Joy!
It’s one thing for a woman to rock the jorts but not something I want to see a dude wear! Yuck!
You are a sage fashion advisor. I can only speculate that crocs, socks with sandals and the like only show up on tourists in NYC. I thought there was a fashion test required for full citizenship in NYC, at least in Manhattan.
Hey Jill!
We have so many people from everywhere here that bad fashion sense is creeping in. It’s so sad and scary at the same time!
I think my eyes are blinded by those photos, acckkkk! Hehe, Phil, watch out for summertime!
Hey Christy!
I think I will wear blinders here all summer. Or really dark sunglasses to protect my fragile mind!
I think Phoenix is taking their fashion lessons from these lost souls. Heaven help us.
Hey Terrye!
So that’s where all these people are coming from here!
Guitar Speedo Hero scares me a little bit. And bitch please, with the orange crocs and the little white anklets. I do believe a dude could get his ass kicked for that.
Hey Linda!
You just know that Guitar Speedo Hero wears crocs and socks. It’s a given.
HOWLED over “this is where your dignity leaks out.”
OMG! Those Jorts? There’s a skinny dude who rides his bike all over the place and I THINK he watches for when my car is at Starbucks. He wears those and a too-short non-muscle shirt. He often stops to enlighten me with inappropriate banter. The weekend his wife was out of town — never mind that I would have left the COUNTRY if he were my husband — he made a comment about being able to play while she was gone. Then he pumped his groin at me, and YKWIM. My gag reflex had nothing to do with…
Well, you know….
Never mind.
Hey Gloria!
I think that dude is trying to woo you. Romance is in the air. Take a chance in the sack with him. You never know.
Once you go jorts you’ll never go shorts!
After putting in my contacts today, this is the one time I wish I HAD’NT. These images have been seared into my brain. I think you’re getting back at me about the sting ray comment! 🙂
Hey Mother!
Just think of these images next time you and hubs get ready for sexy time! It will set the mood! You’re welcome!
I hate when people wear socks with their sandals and crocs are just evil 🙂 Speedos are definitely a big no!!! Funny post!
Hey Foodie!
Glad you enjoyed! Yes, these fashion no-no’s are definitely evil and an assault on our eyes!
The great national need: a “marble bag” beach, past the nude beach, just for Speedo guys to share and learn.
Hey Astro!
HA! Now that would be a beach I would avoid at all costs!
OMG those pics! I wanted to look away but couldn’t. It’s so disturbing. What are people thinking? Seriously?
Thanks for the laugh. 🙂
Hey Beth!
I just know the hairy guy in the Speedo gets you all revved up and ready to go!
Go vomit, that is!
How did I miss this? One of my guy friends and I have a long going joke about crocs, and you nailed it. Why is this trend still alive?
“horrid pieces of man meat sack material” best description ever! I once saw a man well beyond his eighties walking along the beach with his topless wife (also hella old) wearing a zebra printed thong speedo. Where was the eye bleach that day?
Hey Mandi!
So glad you noticed this post! Especially if you love crocs!
Give them credit for being daring in their 80’s. That’s a couple that don’t give a rats ass what anyone thinks. Yet, no one wants to see that!
God, you find some funny photos! And yeah, some people have crazy fashion ideas.
Hey Hazy!
What’s sad is that these goofy memes are mostly real people out there! Yowza!
“I just don’t want to view a dude wearing it in real life! Right in front of me. My eyes!”
Well, just thought but……. maybe it all isn’t about you, or what thrills you?
Hey there!
To each his own I guess, but it’s not for me! Thanks for dropping by.
Great tips about socks trend. whoever follow these tips will make their selves modern. Thanks for this great lesson , now i got my knowledge on socks.