Jorts, Man Thongs, Socks and Sandals. It’s Summer in NYC!

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Well, here we finally are in full Spring weather mode! It’s about damn time after that long horrendous Winter here in NYC. Seemed like that nightmare of neverending snowfalls and cold blustery days were never going to end. It’s such a feeling of freedom when we can finally shed the heavy coats and snow gear and walk around in a t-shirt and jeans. Here in NYC the populace has already embraced the warm sunny 60 degree days and switched over to sundresses, skirts, jeans, sunglasses, and light comfortable wear. The streets at night are full with people dining at all the outdoor cafe seating. I have observed couples arguing in the streets performing the annual Spring de-coupling to get single and ready to mingle. Most are anxiously awaiting the long Memorial Day weekend to come which sets off the start of Summer here. Yet, as I walk the streets of this fair city I do see those that seem to have forgotten what a dress code is all about as the seasons change. The most glaring thing I have seen so far are those who have already switched over to wearing crocs now that the weather has warmed up! Oh hellz no!

I’m sorry, but I would not be caught dead wearing those things, in public or otherwise. I know a few people who wear them on long shifts in hospitals for comfort, so that one I’ll offer a pass, but other than that no effing way. This is fashion forward NYC for god’s sake! Take off those hideous things and head into one of the numerous shoe stores here and buy some acceptable footwear that won’t make you look like a dork.

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Also, I have already seen people wearing shorts already, which is cool with me as I had mine on this past weekend when it was sunny and about 70 outside. Stylishly current shorts and the like are what most wear nowadays, even cargo’s, but I just saw a blast from the past that made me do a double take. I saw a dude rocking the Jorts! Yes, that repulsive article of clothing that way too many guys wore back in the 90’s. That’s where they should have stayed. Why would any man wear these things? Other than wrestler Stone Cold Steve Austin no dude nowadays should be sporting the Jorts! It’s like a guy’s version of soccer mom jeans. Fug-ly! Just walk into any Walmart, Kohls, Modells, Old Navy or any clothing store and pick up a few pairs of non-embarrassing shorts. Believe me, your wife, girlfriend, children, pets, and friends will all breathe a sigh of relief.

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Which brings me to this little tidbit of disgustingness that I really hate seeing. I was sitting across this guy on the subway today wearing socks and sandals. Yuck! No No No No No! Just No! What the heck is wrong with you dude? To make it even worse they were brown sandals with white socks that were snow white right out of the pack. Why would you do that to yourself, man? You might as well hang out with the dudes who wear crocs. Again, proper footwear style code must be learned here. Shit, I won’t even let my old man dress like that. He’s a bit older now and I think I can take him. Maybe. Depends on how drunk we get.

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Now the one thing I know I am dreading is observing that article of clothing on the beach this Summer that we all fear seeing. The guy in the Speedo. Oh, come on, you just know that for some strange reason some men still insist on wearing these horrid pieces of man meat sack material. Old dudes and European guys mostly. The banana hammock. The man thong. The dong holster. The meat compactor. The grape smuggler. Why do males of the human species still insist on wearing these eye searing things? That’s not really a vision you want imprinted on your brain for the rest if your lifetime! We have all seen the comedy film or at least know of Borat in the lime green full body mankini thong thing. I just don’t want to view a dude wearing it in real life! Right in front of me. My eyes!

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It’s inevitable that these fashion faux pas will never seem to go away, and just keep attacking our senses year in and year out. Here comes Summer. There’s no escape. Get the eye bleach ready.

57 thoughts on “Jorts, Man Thongs, Socks and Sandals. It’s Summer in NYC!”

  1. I completely agree on ALL accounts! A rarity for me! Funny piece that speaks the truth! good insights! I hope people will take your advice for all our sakes! lol

  2. YOU crack me the F*ck up! It’s like you’re speaking MY mind! I can’t tell you how many of my son’s friends would come over wearing the glaringly white socks with their brown, woven sandals. We used to live in Bensonhurst and it was always, ALWAYS the little Russian kids. And, don’t call me a bigot because my bloodline pretty much contains ALL races (except for maybe 1 or 2 – Puerto Rican, Romanian, Russian, Polish, Austrian and maybe a few others as my mother’s family increases the list every time someone moves a border). *As soon as I saw your Jorts pic, I KNEW it was the 90’s! Take me back to St. Mark’s Place! LOL
    Lorien recently posted…Dealing Strange After 2 A.M.My Profile

  3. Well dang it. I was hoping to see a picture of yourself in the man thong with socks and crocks. You could take a selfie and call it, socks, crocks, and cocks.

    I’d have to agree with you though about re-thinking the speedo. Even really hot men with really hot bodies should not wear those things. It’s just wrong. They look painful.

    So much fun you have there in the city. Out here we get a lot of guys wearing cut-off shorts, socks and hiking boots; sort of a half-dressed lumberjack thing going on. That’s a look that should be outlawed as well. But if you must don that outfit, please, do NOT add the tool belt. Just don’t do it. Don’t.

    Patricia Rickrode
    w/a Jansen Schmidt
    Patricia recently posted…Defining Rude and Other Redneck BehaviorMy Profile

  4. Seasonal attire in Seattle: Winter? Knee-socks with your utilikilt and birkenstocks. Spring? Ankle socks and birkies. Summer? Naked feet unless there is a formal occasion calling for birkies. Autumn? What’s that?

  5. You’re such a fashion snob. 🙂
    John has Croc’s for RV’ing for ease of slipping on and off. Uk.
    As for the speedos and white socks with sandals, yep, definitely European. Double Uk.
    Going to have to agree that New Yorkers need to step it up. Out here in the Western boonies, we look to the east for our fashion dos and don’ts. Please don’t confuse us hicks.
    Shelley recently posted…I’ve Got a Job! I’ve Got a Job! I’m a Part Time Part-timer!My Profile

  6. I usually try to make a game out of this — see how many fashion mistakes I can spot in a day– but sometimes you just don’t understand how or why they left the house looking like that. Just ew.

    Your pic was right, the holes in crocs is where your dignity pores out of. Gross. Fun post!
    Jean recently posted…5 Things I Learned From A StripperMy Profile

  7. Hahahaha nice to see you dabble in Fashion blogging! I rock some jorts but then my dignity has been missing for almost a decade now. They would not put out an Amber Alert and I really don’t miss it.
    I’ll say this for socks and sandals, if someone’s feet arranged jacked I would always always rather see socks. That’s just science.

  8. You are a sage fashion advisor. I can only speculate that crocs, socks with sandals and the like only show up on tourists in NYC. I thought there was a fashion test required for full citizenship in NYC, at least in Manhattan.

  9. HOWLED over “this is where your dignity leaks out.”

    OMG! Those Jorts? There’s a skinny dude who rides his bike all over the place and I THINK he watches for when my car is at Starbucks. He wears those and a too-short non-muscle shirt. He often stops to enlighten me with inappropriate banter. The weekend his wife was out of town — never mind that I would have left the COUNTRY if he were my husband — he made a comment about being able to play while she was gone. Then he pumped his groin at me, and YKWIM. My gag reflex had nothing to do with…

    Well, you know….

    Never mind.

  10. How did I miss this? One of my guy friends and I have a long going joke about crocs, and you nailed it. Why is this trend still alive?

    “horrid pieces of man meat sack material” best description ever! I once saw a man well beyond his eighties walking along the beach with his topless wife (also hella old) wearing a zebra printed thong speedo. Where was the eye bleach that day?
    Mandi recently posted…The Penis MonologuesMy Profile

  11. “I just don’t want to view a dude wearing it in real life! Right in front of me. My eyes!”
    Well, just thought but……. maybe it all isn’t about you, or what thrills you?

  12. Great tips about socks trend. whoever follow these tips will make their selves modern. Thanks for this great lesson , now i got my knowledge on socks.

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